Accused of drinking problem. Aibu?

[SalemShadow]

I am a mum to 3. Work full time alongside dh shifts. I have a senior job working in London which involves quite a few social events over the years. I also have several circles of friends. Anyway there tends to be a fair bit if pictures of me on Facebook and Instagram at cocktail bars, pubs and restaurants over the years- drink in hand etc. Just recently a few people have made comments about my socialising and accusing me of having a drinking problem.. I barely drink at home. I only have a sociable drink on a night out which tends to end up on social media. Last week I won a cash prize and a colleague told me not to drink the proceeds. When I questioned what he meant he said I was an alcoholic (he is teetotal). i said of course not and he said in front of everyone that alcoholics always deny a drinking problem. I just don't know what to do now. I seem to have a party girl image. How do I turn this around. Aibu to be upset?

Salem, you are farting in the wind on MN, where if ANYONE says you have a drink problem, you definitely do. Do not bother justifying anymore, change your name because from now on, you will be considered an alcoholic on here. Just get rid of these people on social media and tighten up your security big time.

If you only drink whilst out twice a month how can your social media be full of images of you drinking?

If what you've said is true, then the comments probably do come from a place of jealousy in some way. Resentment at seeing constant pictures of you out having fun on social media? People do often react badly to stuff like that.

Having said that, if it's bothering you so much then you could just stop putting up photos of yourself drinking at events on social media.

When I questioned what he meant he said I was an alcoholic (he is teetotal). i said of course not and he said in front of everyone that alcoholics always deny a drinking problem

"And you, dear colleague, have a courtesy issue.
But rude people always deny they have a ignorant fucker problem.

Tell you what - I'll give you a written submission of the units I consumre each week. But only if you give me the same on how many fuckwitted & inaccurate remarks you make on a weekly basis."

Jesus you lot are really scraping the barrel here trying to bring her down. I'd wager that actually most normal people's facebook photos are of them with a drink in their hand having a good time, unless you're one of these people that posts endless photos of their kids or anything and everything else! It's a SOCIAL media site, where you socialise and show people you are socialising!

Alcoholics always deny a drinking problem

As, indeed, do people who don’t have a drinking problem. People who molest children deny they molest children; people who don’t molest children deny they molest children. It’s an utterly lousy way of trying to find people out, even under the “no smoke no fire” principle.

alcoholics always deny a drinking problem

That is not true. I knew I was an alcoholic for a long time before I stopped drinking.

OP, don't give so much importance to what other people think. People love to gossip and imagine all sorts of things about us, why take away that small pleasure.

Sil once made a remark like "its nice to see you sober for a change" and it really annoyed me. At the time I drank maybe once a month max but then I realised the three times I'd met her had been family events and I had indeed been a bit pissed.

I don't drink these days due to meds' I'm on making me puke at the first mouthful of alcohol and it wouldn't even enter my head to pass comment on someone else's drinking unless it started to impact on me or my family, constantly being late due to hangovers, always asking to borrow money or drinking to the point of oblivion while looking after my niece. Those type of things.

I have my lack of drinking alcohol commented at every single event where alcohol is served and have even had family members try to slip a shot of vodka in my cola because they can't get their head around someone choosing not to drink alcohol. Just Friday night had three people ask why I'm drinking coffee instead of lager.

Alcoholics can also stop temporarily, it's stopping permanently that's the issue.

Easy fixes though- don't post pictures of yourself drinking
-drink soft drinks occasionally when out

OP you are pissing in the wind if you think you'll get an unbiased opinion on here, as someone upthread said, you are now condemned as an alchoholic and you can deny it with a detailed breakdown of your drinking but someone will still say, "but how much do you REALLY drink?"
And as for your colleague, any rivalry or competition? Could he be gunning for you? But whatever, he says it again I'd be making it clear that accusations like that are not tolerated and if repeated may necessitate a trip to H R.

The only questions you really need to ask yourself are; do YOU think that you have a drinking problem? Do your close family (DH, kids etc) think that you have a drinking problem?

If the answer to both of those questions is no then I probably wouldn't worry. People like to stick their noses into other people's business. Makes them feel important.

@ADropofReality
Don’t be stupid.
OP’s social media is full of them out with cocktails in hand. Mine most certainly doesn’t show me abusing kids ffs.
It’s easy to say I would have one or two cocktails or a couple of glasses of wine when I’m out. OP says they could stop but swerves any mention of how much they actually drink or if they binge drink. Sounds like they know they drink too much. Surely a bigger deal than how others perceive them?

I'd be having a word with HR about what your colleague has said.Don't wait, don't warn.

Average week. How many days do you drink any alcohol?

There are a few questions to honestly ask yourself:

How many units of alcohol do you drink per week? On these two occasions a month when you go out, how much do you drink?

The CAGE-AID questionnaire is also helpful:

Have you ever felt the need to Cut down on your drinking?

Have you ever felt Angry about someone criticizing your drinking?

Have you ever felt Guilty about how much you drink?

Have you ever had a drink as an Eye-opener or to get rid of a hangover?

Have you Adapted your life to Include Drink/Drugs?

Answering yes to more than 2 of these questions can indicate that you may have a problem.

If you aren't an alcoholic why are you not laughing it off?
Only you can answer that.

It doesn’t sound like a drinking problem. But it does sound like sexism.

If you aren't an alcoholic why are you not laughing it off?

Why should she? It's a serious accusation, especially in the workplace.

If you're not gay, why are you not laughing it off?

If you're not racist, etc. etc.

Do you look a bit sloshed in all those pics on FB?

I always look three sheets to the wind in photos and always have, even as a ten year old.

I agree with Echt, talk to HR about what your colleague said.

But reflect too - have you ever been tipsy at a work function?

All in all I would advise (as others here have) not putting photos of yourself up on FB if you are in a senior position. Don't let others do it either.

Have to agree to agree about the couch potatoes - not as much jealously though as just lack of understanding from more introvert types. I socialise a lot with friends and do daytime fitnesss classes but also have a job that is flexible and work long hours in the evenings etc. I have a lot of remarks about being a lady of leisure etc.

If you only drink whilst out twice a month how can your social media be full of images of you drinking?

Maybe she doesn’t post much? I haven’t had a night out drinking since last June, but my FB photos are all pictures of me sitting in restaurants with alcohol on the table. They are just fairly old photos...

You picked the wrong place to put this, OP. MN thinkeveryonewho has over a thimbleful of sherry at Xmas has a drink problem/alcoholic/defensive.

Yep on MM there is a group of abstieners who clearly jump straight onto any thread about alcohol and accuse people of having a problem. Its tedious tbh and I doubt most people even open them.

Personally I'd just go on as you are, it sounds to me like you are being judged for something that men wouldn't be judged for.

I actually think its minimising to real alcoholism and potentially is damaging.

@echt oh get real
What the hell is that comparison about? It's ridiculous.
This is not a racist or homophobic comment.
It's an accusation of alcoholism ie lifestyle. I get accused of eating all the treats at work. I laugh. I don't have an eating disorder but I do love chocolate when I'm under pressure

If your intake and attitude to alcohol is as reported, I can only conclude that you care far too much about what busybody, unbelievably rude, condescending tools think.

"...When I questioned what he meant he said I was an alcoholic (he is teetotal). i said of course not and he said in front of everyone that alcoholics always deny a drinking problem..."

I don't know the culture of your workplace or industry, but unless there was a really good reason not to I would absolutely have called this tool out for this in some way, as appropriate.

"Shockingly enough, Trevor, so do non-alcoholics, so perhaps you should be more careful about throwing slanderous accusations around the workplace."

"Wow. What an odd, rude thing to say."

"Right, Trevor, because everyone who's ever had a glass of wine has a drinking problem."

"If I do, it's only because I have to look at you all day, Trev."

"I'll stop drinking if you stop eating bags of sugar under your desk every morning, Trev. Admitting you have a problem is the first step."

"Trevor, I've already responded to your inaccurate and slanderous accusations about my alcohol intake once. I won't do it again. If you insist on continuing to draw absurd conclusions from my social media accounts, I'll have to block you to save you the temptation. You're embarrassing yourself."

Re. The social media thing:

No-one with two neurons to rub together actually considers social media accounts to be an accurate and measured representation of real life.

I just checked my FB out of curiosity:

Probably 30 out of the last 40 photos in which I was tagged over show me holding a glass, two in front of a row of shots. Must be an alcoholic, right?

Except:

1. A closer look shows that these were taken over a period of three or four years.

1. I virtually never post selfies and I am rarely photographed except on nights out, so = inaccurate representation of actual lifestyle balance. I'm hardly likely to be photographed making croissants or hand-sewing stuffed animals in my PJs on Sunday mornings, am I?

1. Insider knowledge, yo: Anyone who actually knows me knows that 95%+ of those drinks would have been iced water/coke zero with lime wedges or ginger ale.

1. The ones that weren't would almost all have been the only alcoholic drink I had that night. Most years I wouldn't top more than fifteen standard drinks the entire year. I enjoy alcohol - a nice scotch or red is delightful - I just don't care about it, you know?

Sidenote:

These photos also all show me with appropriately coiffed hair with barely a strand out of place and vampy lashes.

Anyone who concluded from this that I do, in fact, go about all day every day with gorgeous together hair and makeup would be hilariously (sadly?) mistaken.

...Again,anyone who knows me knows that if they catch me on a home day, my hair is probs not even brushed.

Ninety+ percent of the time I've finger-combed my hair into a messy strandy bun, and there's a better than good chance that I'm rocking a bentonite clay (i.e. bright green) face mask.