Accused of drinking problem. Aibu?

[SalemShadow]

I am a mum to 3. Work full time alongside dh shifts. I have a senior job working in London which involves quite a few social events over the years. I also have several circles of friends. Anyway there tends to be a fair bit if pictures of me on Facebook and Instagram at cocktail bars, pubs and restaurants over the years- drink in hand etc. Just recently a few people have made comments about my socialising and accusing me of having a drinking problem.. I barely drink at home. I only have a sociable drink on a night out which tends to end up on social media. Last week I won a cash prize and a colleague told me not to drink the proceeds. When I questioned what he meant he said I was an alcoholic (he is teetotal). i said of course not and he said in front of everyone that alcoholics always deny a drinking problem. I just don't know what to do now. I seem to have a party girl image. How do I turn this around. Aibu to be upset?

Everyone knows that FB only represents a small part of life. Well, maybe not everyone.

I would take no notice, he —and many posters on this thread— sounds like over zealous tee totallers in the stereotypical vegan fanatic style.

I bet they don’t say that about the men that are seen in those Facebook posts, with a drink in their hand. Do they want you to put photographs of yourself online, hanging out the laundry or sorting out your knicker drawer?

The simple test to find out if you have s problem is to stop drinking
If you can’t then there’s your answer
If you can’t socialise on non alcoholic drinks then you have your answer
If you drink more than the recommended units you have your answer
No one on here can really tell you only you
I know someone who runs Altra marathons and iron man through deserts but is still a 100% alcoholic
Most people’s facebook are drink in hand socialising pics, The fact that this is coming at you from a few angles means you may want to stop and take stock

I’m not on Facebook, but if you went by my Instagram feed, I appear to only eat huge burgers, with chips. Usually with a big glass of wine. I never get my photo taken when I eat perfectly healthy dinners at home, with a cup of tea, on the other 30 days of the month. Social media is not real life!

Well I’ve loads of pictures of me with drink in hand, I was just saying this to dh the other day when I needed a photo of me for something. I just don’t like my picture taken much, but after a wine or 2 I love the camera 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also people that aren’t alcoholics also deny being one funnily enough. Just like if you were accused of murder and you weren’t guilty, you’d deny it obviously.

But no Yanbu

Stop bragging on social media.
Even this sounds a bit Braggy

Sometimes I feel people can be jealous as they are quite happy to sit at home in front of the tv all day every day being a couch potato. That's not me.

I was set to defend you until you said this.

I don't go to bars or nightclubs, ever.

Believe it or not it's a choice.

Does nor make me a couch potato- I have a very busy life.

For several people to comment it's unusual and why so defensive if there is no issue?

I doubt they are jealous of your drinking or life choices

I don't know if you do or don't, but what does working out have to do with being an alcoholic, or people who watch tv at home?

Many of my FB pictures are of friends having a night out, a table full of food, glasses, bottles everyone smiling at the camera. The truth is I always decide to drive to and from, giving friends a lift. But I suppose looking at the pictures it would be easy to assume I am three sheets to the wind when in fact I am on soft drinks, usually sparkling water.

I doubt people are jealous. I’m one of those lazy people who like to stay in in the evening. I have a manic busy life, single parent, kids, work, I run twice a week too - so the best part of the day is getting my pyjamas on in the evening. When I see Facebook photos of people out on the piss I pity them - they’ve got to get home, it’s cold, then they’ve got to get undressed and into bed, they’ll be late home, they’re having to wear clothes that probably cut into their waist, they’ll have a hangover in the morning - definitely no jealousy from me!

I think people are usually too polite to mention a drinking problem to people who actually have a drink problem.
They just can’t think of anything to say that’s original. Or maybe they don’t like you so are getting passive aggressive digs in.

Sometimes I feel people can be jealous as they are quite happy to sit at home in front of the tv all day every day being a couch potato. That's not me.

Heh? What’s that got to do with anything? There is a middle ground between getting pissed every evening and being a “couch potato”. You sound very defensive for some reason.

Hmm.
I read once that if you are always photographed with alcohol or most of your social media photos show you with a drink you may have a problem with alcohol. Are you always holding a drink in photo's? That might be one reason people think you drink too much.
Secondly, stop drinking at work functions. A soda and lime, looks like vodka or gin and will halt the aren't you drinking comments. And it will make sanctimonious asshats look like fools when you offer them a taste if they don't believe you. And you actually learn a lot when you are the sober one, and everyone else tongue is loosened by the grog.
Third, as a PP suggested don't drink at all for a month, even while socialising. If you cannot do this, then you probably do have a problem.

Good luck.

I would just say if it's not true, just ignore it. But if this is from people in your workplace it could end up doing your career harm so you probably do need to tackle it. You should probably set your Facebook privacy settings so that your work life and private life are separate (or maybe set up a second FB account that you migrate all work "friends" to so that they no longer have a view into your private life).

Ask any colleague that accuses you of drinking too much in a public way for a quiet word, tell them what they said is upsetting, largely because it isn't true, that you are aware of the dangers of drinking too much given the socialising you do for your job, but you keep a careful eye on it and [whatever steps you do take]. Point out that their accusations are libelous and unprofessional and if you hear of them spreading those kinds of rumors again to anyone in any fashion you'll have to take further action.

Then speak with HR, tell them what has happened so that if things do happen again and you go to them, there will be a history on file.

Sharpen up your social media privacy settings to only friends and not public and ditch those people from the friends' list who really are not your friends.

Change your FB timeline post settings so you have to authorise a post by anyone who is tagging you in a photo before it hits your page.

Unfortunately, we are judged rightly or wrongly by what appears on SM and what comments we make. Your true friends will know who you are. Get rid of the rest and ignore the comments.

You picked the wrong place to put this, OP. MN think everyone who has over a thimbleful of sherry at Xmas has a drink problem/alcoholic/defensive. I'd actually cut such people loose from you social media. You know yourself best! Not them. 'Wow, accusing someone of having an addiction is a serious accusation. Perhaps we should discuss this with HR. It seems to be a professional matter to you.' 'Dickheads never seem to realise they are dickheads, either.'

I just don't know how to stop this drinking image that a few people seem to have it me. It's upsetting as I work hard and go the gym regularly

Stop having a glass in your hand every time you are photographed?

There are plenty of alcoholics who don’t have a drink in their hand every time they are photographed

There are plenty of people who work hard and go to the gym regularly who are alcoholics.

I feel people can be jealous as they are quite happy to sit at home in front of the tv all day every day being a couch potato.

There are plenty of couch potatoes who are alcoholics BUT not everyone who isn’t regularly picture on FB on a night out is an alcoholic same as not everyone who is home every night is a couch potato. And people who are “quite happy” to sit at home are not jealous of people out because they too could go out if they wanted to.

You can be sociable with non-alcoholic drinks.

But people aren't commenting on your socialising, they are commenting on your drinking.

Could you have a night out without alcohol?

Why the need for pictures of yourself with a glass in hand? . Are you wanting to show off your wonderful social life? Do people in ‘senior positions’ really need to have their photo all over social media?

And who exactly are these people who comment on your drinking? I drink quite a lot, half a bottle of wine most nights, but I don’t post pictures on SM & no one I know would ever comment on my drinking habits. Maybe you know some odd people?

Would people genuinely come out with that if they seriously thought you were an alcoholic though? Perhaps it’s just a bit of a bad joke?

Take this survey to find out...

www.drinkaware.co.uk/selfassessment

People say stupid stuff.
Just challenge them on what they say and tell them it is both offensive and untrue.

If they say alcoholics always deny it tell them this is how burning witches worked and they should be ashamed of themselves.

How much do you actually drink when you go out?

I definitely do not have a drinking problem. I could stop drinking and not drink for a year no problem .I think the prob is everytime I go out there pics of me with cocktails etc. I go out maybe twice a month and then I have work lunches and drinks which are free but I'm not drinking at them but others tag me in things on Facebook. I'm gonna tone it right down o social media. I don't want people having this impression of me.