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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Accused of drinking problem. Aibu?

146 replies

SalemShadow · 08/04/2019 21:56

I am a mum to 3. Work full time alongside dh shifts. I have a senior job working in London which involves quite a few social events over the years. I also have several circles of friends. Anyway there tends to be a fair bit if pictures of me on Facebook and Instagram at cocktail bars, pubs and restaurants over the years- drink in hand etc. Just recently a few people have made comments about my socialising and accusing me of having a drinking problem.. I barely drink at home. I only have a sociable drink on a night out which tends to end up on social media. Last week I won a cash prize and a colleague told me not to drink the proceeds. When I questioned what he meant he said I was an alcoholic (he is teetotal). i said of course not and he said in front of everyone that alcoholics always deny a drinking problem. I just don't know what to do now. I seem to have a party girl image. How do I turn this around. Aibu to be upset?

OP posts:
JaceLancs · 09/04/2019 09:12

It would depend on who you asked in my case
My SW group think I have a drink problem as all my syns and going off plan tend to be alcohol related
Work colleagues would say I’m virtually tee total as would my parents
Close friends and family would say I’m a social drinker - mostly true
I would say I very occasionally drink too much when I’m very stressed - but can rein it in when I need to
Only you know the truth OP - unless you are in denial - maybe keep a diary for a month and track your units

PepsiLola · 09/04/2019 09:14

I would pull the member of staff up on their comment as it is damaging and unprofessional!

Oblomov19 · 09/04/2019 09:39

I've had the same said to me. And I didn't like it!! I have cut down and always do Dry January.

Original poster
SalemShadow · 09/04/2019 10:19

Thanks guys. I know for a fact I don't have a drinking problem. The colleague that said the comment has never tried alcohol in his life and nearly 60. I don't know how many units are in cocktails but I'm definitely guilty of socialising on hen dos and a couple of nights out. I am in no way shape or form an alcoholic. It just upset me when I was handed the cash prize that he said I wasn't to drink the proceeds and then started saying I was an alcoholic in front of everyone. I thought it was very uncalled for. I do go some nice places in London and post on social media. I'm rethinking my social media account now.

OP posts:
Original poster
SalemShadow · 09/04/2019 10:20

I'm going to mention his comment to HR.

OP posts:
Letterkennie · 09/04/2019 10:21

Still no word on how much you actually drink then.

OP, in your opinion, what IS an alcoholic?

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 09/04/2019 10:25

Sounds like they might be concerned rather than jealous. Especially if more than one person from different parts of your life have made similar comments.

Letterkennie · 09/04/2019 10:29

And fwiw cocktails generally have at least two shots of spirits in them if not more so they’re at least the equivalent of a large one.

Cacaca · 09/04/2019 10:37

So because she’s not breaking down exactly how many units of alcohol she drinks a lot of you assume she must have an alcohol problem - wow.

If you were to look at my Instagram page or photos I’m tagged in on Facebook you may say the same but it’s so far from the truth. I might be out for a meal and have a cocktail with my food or after dinner and if it looks amazing, I’ll post it.

Most people enjoy the odd night out - certain jobs socialising is required so these people may tend to be out more. I certainly don’t count the units I drink on a night out and yes if I’m drinking cocktails I’ll exceed the recommended limit but I’m far from an alcoholic. So many judgey people on this post.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 09/04/2019 10:46

OP, you'd be insane to post on here how many units of alcohol you get through in a week. You could mention that you had a small sherry last Christmas and someone would find a way of turning that into you having a problem.
Whether or not these people are correct, you have had a heads-up, and you can examine your own thoughts on it and put a brake on things if you feel it's necessary.

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/04/2019 10:52

It is none of our business how many units of alcohol you drink in a week OP - it could be 2 or 22. Defo complain to HR about this twat you work with.

1wearpurple · 09/04/2019 10:59

He was rude. You should report to HR and then can have a word with him. Meanwhile, review your social media settings.

FWIW, lots of people think an alcoholic is someone who lies on a park bench, swigging out of a brown paper bag, wearing a filthy old brown overcoat and not washing for weeks on end. While that person may well be an alcoholic, the well-dressed city worker who gets quietly sozzled every night at home just to copy with the anxiety of the next day, is also an alcoholic.

The person who tells non-drinkers that they are 'boring' is the same as the man who has accused you of being an alcoholic.

WhatNow40 · 09/04/2019 11:15

I think it sounds as though you may have a small image problem, being associated with drink. Are all the social media pictures posted by you? I'd be more conscious of posing for pictures and deliberately put a drink down, out of sight. You know you don't have a problem, and this guy has been an arse, but he's set thoughts in motion at work and you need to manage any reputational damage.

Similar situation but not drink related, I was in a new job and was buying a new house. I'd been there about 6 months and was off one Tuesday because it was the only day I could get an appointment with the bank for the mortgage application. In a full staff meeting, a junior colleague commented that I didn't like working Tuesdays and rolled her eyes. The MD went mental at HR, why hadn't he been told I had this workshy attitude blah blah. It was literally my first day off since starting the job.

People are influenced by what they hear, not what is known to be true. Take steps to protect yourself.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 09/04/2019 11:21

Teetotal colleague sounds like a right tedious prick. I hope HR hand him his arse.

Someone who has never drunk alcohol is not going to have a reasonable and balanced idea of what is 'normal' and what isn't. Any alcohol will look excessive to them.

SlightlyPsychotic · 09/04/2019 12:42

Until you're putting vodka on your coco pops i wouldn't consider it an issue.

Seriously though, nothing wrong with socialising. I think some people need to learn what an alcoholic actually is.

dronesdroppingzopiclone · 09/04/2019 12:52

What's it to you how many units she drinks? Just wanting a stick to stir the shit? Fuck, you'd think she was injecting smack. Salem, just change your settings, change your name on here (where everyone who drinks anything is an alcoholic) and tell the colleague his comments are unprofessional.

Aridane · 09/04/2019 13:01

Don’t have so many pictures of you drink in hand on Facebook - and/ or change your settings!

Aridane · 09/04/2019 13:07

Sometimes I feel people can be jealous as they are quite happy to sit at home in front of the tv all day every day being a couch potato. That's not me

I was with you until this comment!

exWifebeginsat40 · 09/04/2019 13:08

in my experience as a raging alcoholic, people without drink problems don’t worry about having a drink problem.

i’ve been in AA, rehab and been detoxed a couple of times. nearly 5 years sober now. i have met a LOT of people with alcoholism and it’s more of a slide than a spectrum. once it’s out of hand, the only way is down.

i was very defensive of my drinking. i didn’t like people noticing out loud how much i drank. i worked in hospitality and travel, and yes, i socialised a LOT. i held down a good job, with lots of events and dinners and travel, and i was a hopeless alcoholic. god help you if you mentioned it to me, though.

you say you could easily stop for a month, a year, forever! maybe, just for yourself, try it. if it’s fine, then it’s fine. if you struggle, now is the time to seek help.

trust me - if you have even the slightest inclination that you have a problem with your drinking, sort it out. i lost everything - kid, job, marriage, home. i was a happy, professional social butterfly, until i wasn’t.

alcoholism is shit. active alcoholism is biblical in its ability to fuck your life up. recovery is tough, but beautiful. look after yourself.

Claw01 · 09/04/2019 13:10

Don’t put pictures up or remove tag if you with drinks in your hand, if it bothers you.

The ‘few people’ who think you drink too much and you say it’s not true, ignore or call out.

Was the comment regarding your cash prize/drinking intended as a joke?

Meangirls36 · 09/04/2019 13:21

He doesn't like watching women having fun. He's trying to drag you down. Even if you are a raging alcoholic it's none of his business it's not exactly illegal. Tell HR he shouldn't be casting aspersions on your character. Why do men think they need to voice every bloody opinion they have. Oh look a woman and she isn't behaving according to my slightly odd world view burn the witch!

justasking111 · 09/04/2019 13:24

I`ll tell you about an alcoholic. They are not on FB having fun. The glass of booze will be found behind the curtains, in a kitchen cupboard, the empty bottles, will be in cupboards, wardrobes, garden shed.

HavelockVetinari · 09/04/2019 13:27

You do sound quite defensive really

Well yeah, most people would be if accused of being an alcoholic when they aren't! Hmm

Letterkennie · 09/04/2019 13:30

JustAsking111 that’s tosh. Sorry but it is. You don’t have to be hiding it for it to be a problem and you’re absolutely buying into the inaccuracies of an out of date stereotype.

If you’re working in an area where there’s a lot of paid for socialising, it’s very very easy to get into the habit of putting away a couple of bottles most evenings “but it doesn’t count because it’s vintage and we shared it with a customer.”

chazwomaq · 09/04/2019 13:38

Tell us how much you drink a week, and how often you drink 6 units or more in a day, and we'll tell you if YABU.

Has alcohol ever got you in trouble (e.g. breaking the law, drink-driving, missed appointments, late for work, fight with someone, annoyed family and friends etc.)?

Have you every stopped other activities to drink?
Has you drinking ever caused you to have a memory blank e.g. of what happened to night before?