My sister is faking her pregnancy.

[Norrisskipjack]

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

I know someone who did exactly the same thing, then had a 'miscarriage' at so-called 22 weeks and was allegedly devastated although having never actually been pregnant in the first place.
It was several years later when it came to light it was all lies, it ripped apart friendships and families. All because of being an attention seeking liar.

I would call your parents now and warn them. A has done a vicious lie and cruel manipulation. Talk about twisting the knife on B.

Unforgivable.

I suspect sudden stress, a late miscarriage and you and B to blame in the next few days if you dont.

This woman's cruelty needs to be revealed. I would call your parents and stop bothering with the serial liar.

I’m with you, I wouldn’t be able to forgive my sister if she had done this.
Sister B has gone through one of the worst imaginable things and sister A is using this to her ‘advantage’ instead of helping her sister out. I don’t think anything can excuse this (other than her not lying).

for sister B

Yes definitely call.

I am really sorry.

As for your relationship, I doubt you will have one after this until she gets the help she needs. And none of that is your fault.

My best wishes to your sister B, I am so sorry she lost her DD. Matilda is a lovely name

The lie is horrific enough but to add to Bs grief by sending her updates, claiming she was pregnant so quickly and going on about showing...it would be wise to step away a lot. She is so cruel.

I think B should be the one to confront her. This is personal for her, your sister is attention seeking to take the "lime light" off of your sisters awful tragedy. If you want to have nothing to do with A, then have nothing to do with her. Just be with B, either physically or over the phone, when she asks A what on earth she's playing at.

For me, this is unforgivable and I'd have nothing to do with my sister ever again if she pulled a stunt like this alone, never mind as a way of attention seeking off another sisters stillbirth

Gosh I think this would be unforgivable
She can’t be pregnant and the long term girlfriend not know/be adamant that she isn’t. Because if she was why would the GF be so certain she isn’t?!
Don’t let it become the elephant in the room. That’s how these deranged people get away with it - people are too scared to point out their lies. Then they end up making you think you’re going mental.
I wouldn’t want her near my kids either

Your sister has been through the single worst thing any person can go through, nothing will ever compare in pain, shock and hurt as your child dying.

Initially her tolerance for bullshit and other people being nothing short of evil will be high.

There will come a time, maybe weeks, maybe months or maybe even years, where the enormity and timing of what your other sister has done will hit her.

I look back now and wonder why on earth I put up with half the shit I did in the early days after my children's deaths.

It's sort of like being in a bubble initially, nothing can hurt you anymore, your pain is at a maximum. As you learn to live in your new reality of being a bereaved parent you start to take in all the other crap that has happened while your processing your bereavement.

I'd phone your parents too, for whatever reason she's done this, A needs a lot of help.

It could be attention pure and simple, or it could be something a lot more serious and your parents are the ones to deal with it.

I'm so sorry for your sister's loss... I lost a baby to stillbirth and it's devastating cruel . At best your other sister is thoughtless.... at worse, I don't honestly know if there are the words

Are you sure she is not pregnant and just hasn’t told the girlfriend

I really couldn't have anything to do with her after this, so cruel.

I can hardly believe what I am reading! I just want to say B sounds like such a lovely lady! How forgiving somebody can be! I can only assume it is because she has had too much heartache and could not physically and mentally go through more!
I am so sorry to read that B lost Matilda, how very very sad.

A sounds seriously messed up, be it for attention or some other sick and twisted reason! No 'normal' person does that! The woman needs help! The only way that help can be given is to out her and not try to protect her. Her hand will then be forced, she may get help then!
I am not trying to downplay what she has done, but seriously she is either evil or poorly. I can't put it any other way. I am sorry if this is too harsh.

Sending love to all of you - particularly B and Matilda 💕

I'm so sorry for the loss of precious Matilda, your lovely niece and B's lovely daughter. I don't have any advice on the whole situation, which sounds so bizarre but also devastating on top of all you have already suffered, but just checking you and B are aware of Sands for support going forward?

I agree with ScreamingLadySuch. EUPD or at least traits thereof sounds likely. Sorry for all the pain and stress.

You don't pretend you are pregnant unless you are mentally ill in some way. She needs help. Though I didn't show properly until 7 months, just a bit tubby before, is it possible she cheated on her gf.

I don't see any benefit to any kind of confrontation. Your sister sounds very unwell.

Absolutely it makes sense to talk to your parents straight away.

And then you each choose how to proceed, whether to forgive and support or keep your distance.

Glad you are calling your parents. It is entirely possible, as others have said, that A will blame the stress of being accused for the miscarriage she will inevitably claim has happened.

As for forgiveness and trying to find a reason, B is also a better woman than I. I would be totally like you - finding it utterly unforgivable and cutting her off. Mind you, lets face it - nobody in their right minds would do this sort of thing would they? But perhaps there isnt a specific name for this particular kind of mental illness (being an attention seeking liar and not caring who you hurt in order for the focus being on you).

If she was pregnant and hadn’t told her girlfriend for some reason then she’d have told her sisters so they didn’t mention it surely?

I don't really agree with the majority about a mental illness, purely because she targeted only certain group.
If she was delusional or had other issues, she would have told everyone.
This is calculated and design to hurt only certain people.
Some people are just evil.

Hope B, you and your fakily can get through it ok x

@ShrinkWrap

Not narcissistic personality disorder? Sounds more like someone unable to not be the centre of attention than someone who has difficulty regulating their emotions to me.

Just wanted to say that I can't imagine how difficult this is for you both.

So sorry to hear about your sad loss.

I agree that unfortunately it sounds as if you need to pre-warn your parents ASAP.

Take your time though with any thoughts about future contact with your sister. Don't try and process all your feelings as once. Be gentle with yourselves.

I once knew someone who faked three pregnancies ending in two miscarriages and a still
Birth in the time i knew her. When we found out it was all lies it turned out she had done it before too. Sefious mental health issues

Hope you can tell your parents