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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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My sister is faking her pregnancy.

477 replies

Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 17:57

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy Hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat Sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 08/04/2019 20:57

And to the people suggesting Borderline PD (Emotionally unstable PD) I work with patients with this and it sounds nothing like it!

IveGotAlpen · 08/04/2019 21:02

@LagunaBubbles I was going to say the same.

agnurse · 08/04/2019 21:08

Could be histrionic PD, could be pseudocyesis (false pregnancy; the body has physical pregnancy symptoms but there is no baby; this has also been observed in other mammals and there are various theories on the causes), or just a plain mean-spirited desire to hurt people.

Lemonsquinky · 08/04/2019 21:11

Lagunabubbles, I agree. I think it sounds more like histrionic personality disorder. Or Münchausen syndrome. I found this just now about a woman who faked the pregnancy and death of twins.
I think your sister has mental illness. Obviously she needs to go to the doctor.

VampirateQueen · 08/04/2019 21:12

I don't even know what to say. The fact she won't answer the phone tells you what you need to know tbh. I think telling your parents is the right thing to do, as A might speed up he end game and then blame you for it, if you aren't careful.

pessimisticstateofperception · 08/04/2019 21:14

Not everyone who does stuff like this has any sort of mental condition. Sometimes they are just manipulative, attention seeking cunts who can't stand anyone else getting attention for any reason.

PurpleDaisies · 08/04/2019 21:26

Mums betters do like do diagnose people based on nowhere near enough information...

InspectorClouseauMNdivision · 08/04/2019 21:31

@Lemonsquinky & @agnurse but with these she wouldn't just lie to small select group, or would she?

ohfourfoxache · 08/04/2019 21:41

From the bottom of my heart, I’m so so sorry for what B has been through. Please, prioritise B - nothing else matters, as long as B is supported, A can go to hell in a handcart.

Wishing you peace and strength x

Jamiefraserskilt · 08/04/2019 21:47

Please be careful you position this right because if this is true and she is going to fake a loss, you wiĺl be seen as the bad one and you will force your mother to make a choice between you both.

PumpkinPie2016 · 08/04/2019 21:48

Firstly, I am so sorry for what B has been through - I cannot imagine how she must n feeling Flowers

A few on this thread have said A's partner may not know but in all honesty at 16-18 weeks, I'd be very suprised if a partner who lives with someone doesn't know. My pregnancy was certainly obvious by then even though I never had a huge bump and I was very slight.

I hope you manage to break it to your parents. I personally would cut A off if your suspicions are true - to lie about a pregnancy, especially when your sister has suffered such a terrible loss is vile.

Flowers for you both.

agnurse · 08/04/2019 22:12

InspectorClouseauMNDivision

With histrionic PD it is conceivable that she might be doing this just for attention and might just want attention from the family. People with histrionic PD are ALL about attention and creating drama. ALL the time.

Cheby · 08/04/2019 22:30

I’m so sorry for your loss B. It’s dreadful that you’re having to deal with this while you should be concentrating on yourself and your partner and children. Flowers

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 08/04/2019 22:32

I am so sorry you're all going through this, B is incredible being so sympathetic and I think I'd be doing exactly as you are and calling your parents. This must be so very difficult to be dealing with. Thanks

Bringbackthestripes · 08/04/2019 22:36

could be pseudocyesis (false pregnancy; the body has physical pregnancy symptoms but there is no baby; this has also been observed in other mammals and there are various theories on the causes),

But presumable agnurse these people wouldn’t typically be in a same sex relationship, with nil chance of being pregnant, and still claim they were only 6 weeks pregnant just 2 weeks after their sister had delivered, heartbreakingly, a stillborn baby.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 08/04/2019 22:38

I can't believe how B is reacting, she's a much better person than I am and also incredibly brave Flowers

I don't know what to say about sister A. I think it's probably an attention seeking thing or she's been cheating on her GF. However she unblocked you so the GF's obviously spoken to her so I think if she had been cheating and is actually pregnant, I would have thought she'd have said so then.

I don't know how you'd deal with her. She may have mental health problems however she might now. If I were you, I'd tell her she needs to sort herself out, leave the responsibility to the GF and if they want, your parents and I'd leave her to it.

I think PP's are right about speaking to your parents now ( I know you were planning on doing that so hopefully you have). She could quite easily spin a miscarriage story before the weekend and make you and sister B look awful.

Good luck OP and I'm sorry you're all having to deal with this. It's sick and twisted.

CloudRusting · 08/04/2019 22:46

Well all I can really say is B is a better person than me. In her shoes I would consider A’s actions wicked and unforgivable - and I don’t say that lightly.

Youvegotafriendinme · 08/04/2019 22:49

Gosh, this is awful. I really hope you get to the bottom of it for everyone’s sake

Mememeplease · 08/04/2019 22:58

A pp said that B probably isn't processing it properly yet because nothing seems bad compared to what she has already gone through. I think this could be true. Her anger may come later and she may need a lot of support then.

Beargrin · 08/04/2019 23:13

Good god that is one of the most fucked up things I've ever read. Something is very wrong with A and self preservation is key for you and B.

I hope B is doing okay Thanks

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer · 08/04/2019 23:16

B sounds like an amazing person, despite what she's been through she's still willing to forgive A, that's very admirable, even if A does not deserve her forgiveness.

I have no words for A, there must be something wrong with her mental health. I would hope no sound of mind person would do such a hateful thing Sad

Giddyuppp · 08/04/2019 23:28

What a terribly sad situation all round. Your poor sis.

NotSoThinLizzy · 08/04/2019 23:32

Hope you all get the answers you need soon

Whoops75 · 08/04/2019 23:33

I would be similar to you and find this unforgivable.

Thinking of Matilda Flowers

tablelegs · 08/04/2019 23:45

God this is awful!

Have you spoken to your parents yet?

I genuinely don't know what to say apart from I'm so sorry about Matilda Thanks