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AIBU?

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Original poster

My sister is faking her pregnancy.

477 replies

Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 17:57

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy Hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat Sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

OP posts:
user1471590586 · 08/04/2019 19:12

Do you have contact details for A's GF? I wonder what excuse she has given her for the lie. Surely the GF can't be very impressed with her for making that up.

CoraPirbright · 08/04/2019 19:15

I’d be contacting the girlfriend again to get some things cleared up. Has she confronted your sister? What did she say? How did she claim this was achieved (donor/ONS....)?

The whole thing is just unspeakably awful. I am so so sorry for the loss of Matilda for your whole family Flowers

Jessgalinda · 08/04/2019 19:19

Why do you need to confront her?

You know she is lying.

Unless you are confronting in the hope of getting her help for whatever is making her do this, then, I don't see the point.

Even if B wants answers, she needs to wait until she feels able to tackle this. You confronting her on B behalf isnt really going to be productive.

kb1992 · 08/04/2019 19:25

I don't even think I'd confront her, she's obviously lying. I would just tell your parents your suspicions and leave them to deal with her, I wouldn't be talking to her again after that. Your poor sister, so sorry for her loss

Lovingit81 · 08/04/2019 19:27

This is just awful. Who does this?? I'm so very sorry for the loss of Matilda. If it turns out your sister was lying I would be tempted to cut her off. It seems unforgivable. I'm so sorry for your loss. X

starshollow1 · 08/04/2019 19:28

I'm so sorry your sister B is going through this and for the awful loss of little Matilda.

I get very frustrated when people talk about others being "unwell" and throwing around different possible disorders that they may be suffering from. Sometimes people are just shit. They do unthinkable things. They are selfish. It sounds like A is most likely one of these people and deserving of no sympathy.

I'd be the thinking the same as you OP. I couldn't waste any of my time thinking about or being around A. You have the rest of your family, B and Matilda who are far more worthy.

Amongstthetallgrass · 08/04/2019 19:34

i Can’t actially believe this could even be true. Who would even do such a thing...

Thegreymethod · 08/04/2019 19:36

Won't She already know that you both know? Surly her girlfriend will have gone home from the event and asked her what the hell is going on and why does her sister think they're having a baby? I think the sooner you approach it the better before she can start the next stage of her lies. Hope you and your sister are ok.

Motoko · 08/04/2019 19:36

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Flowers

I really think you need to speak to your parents now. If you leave it until the weekend, A might speak to them about it first, and twist it somehow, to make you and B the bad guys.

Also, I don't think it's fair to let them carry on thinking they're going to have another grandchild, for a moment longer.

I wouldn't have anything more to do with A, and I don't think your nice sister should either.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 19:38

A’s girlfriend is lovely but I don’t know her well enough to have messaged her to congratulate her seporately. I haven’t messaged her outside of the group chat with A ever, I could though.

A said GF had had a change of heart and they’d got pregnant first try with a sperm donor. This in itself was cruel to say because B took 2 years to conceive her first and over a year with DN2, then well over a year again with Matilda.

B and I have just had a long chat about it and we’ve agreed B will ask her directly is she’s pregnant. B has tried calling her but she hasn’t picked up so we FB messaged to ask her to give B a call but she’s seen the message and not responded.

I still don’t agree and don’t think it’s going to achieve anything, but B is clutching on to the hope that she is pregnant but hasn’t told GF because she’s cheated with a man. I know from GF’s reaction when I told her that this isn’t true but B didn’t see that so she’s still slightly hopeful.

OP posts:
IamPickleRick · 08/04/2019 19:40

I’d make 100% certain that your parents know this is a lie before she gets to them. Because she may fake a loss imminently now she knows you know, and shift attention from B, and your poor unsuspecting parents will treat her with the same sympathy and compassion as they did B. And if you then say “actually mum, it was all a lie” after she has faked a loss, it could cause a huge argument and make them antagonistic to you, thinking you are being cruel to even suggest A would lie about a stillbirth. How can you say something like that at such a time etc etc.

Bringbackthestripes · 08/04/2019 19:46

I really think you need to speak to your parents now. If you leave it until the weekend, A might speak to them about it first, and twist it somehow, to make you and B the bad guys.

^I agree.
Such a twisted thing for A to do given sister B’s tragedy. And to announce it (even if it had been real) so soon after her loss. Sister B is more forgiving than I would be

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 08/04/2019 19:47

It's entirely your decision as to how you deal with this, OP. Given your other sister is the one dealing with a devastating loss, her views will also need to be given foremost consideration.

I think this might very well fall into the category of unforgivable. Either that, or sister A is for whatever reason in such desperate need of the sympathy and care given to B that she's willing to go to ridiculous lengths to redirect that attention to herself. When the pregnancy didn't come to fruition after 40 weeks, I wonder how she was planning on developing the story at that point?

As her sister you'll know these things better than anyone else, because from what you've said above, I'm not sure whether this woman is one to be despised or pitied. What is for sure is that she's one to be avoided, either on a temporary basis until she seeks intervention, or permanently. She either needs help or censure; I'm not sure which.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 19:50

That’s a really good point, she may accelerate her end game now that she’s under threat. I think we need to call our parents but I’m not sure I want to have that conversation over the phone?

OP posts:
Gruzinkerbell1 · 08/04/2019 19:50

I’d wash my hands of her.

B has a very big heart to still be trying to see the best in A.

1633tonow · 08/04/2019 19:52

If the GF is in the group chat, why didn’t she read about the pregnancy?

Littlebird88 · 08/04/2019 19:57

is agree you need to tell your parents what's going on before she pulls a stunt and pretends she's lost the baby.
I think you need tonal a family see of you r sister A gets mental health help.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 19:57

B is a MUCH better person than me and she’s already talking about forgiveness.

All I can feel is anger and something that feels darker than that, but B is more worried than anything.

Our feelings about this are similar to the responses on the thread actually, I’m of the opinion it’s unforgivable and I can’t have a relationship with A after this, but B is talking about her being unwell and trying to figure out the motive.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 08/04/2019 19:58

If you wait to speak to your parents then she will announce she has miscarried to then before then, and possibly blame the stress of you accusing her of horrible things or causing trouble with her gf, and your parents will be put in the middle of a horrible situation as they will struggle to not support her loss at that point just in case it is real

You need to speak to them ASAP.

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 19:58

1633 different group chat. The one I’m in with her and A was last used in 2017.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 08/04/2019 19:59

Tbh I could see her using you both as an excuse that she's "lost" the baby from the stress of this

What an utterly horrible situation. My love to your sister

Original poster
Norrisskipjack · 08/04/2019 20:00

We’re calling our parents and explaining. Mum will be devastated Sad

OP posts:
FoxFoxSierra · 08/04/2019 20:01

You're in a horrible position here op, I really feel for you

Rumbletum2 · 08/04/2019 20:01

Evil cow!! 😡

I’d cut her off.

KitKatCHA · 08/04/2019 20:02

I'm with you, this kind of cruelty is unforgivable. Best wishes to your lovely, brave sister. It does get easier Flowers