My sister is faking her pregnancy.

[Norrisskipjack]

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

Have none of you texted the GF to congratulate her? Considering they've been together for few years.

That is really cruel. There is something seriously psychologically wrong with someone who can act like this, especially with B's circumstances.

I'd be worried if you have a good relationship withy her generally and very pissed off if not.

My Best friend ( now ex bestfriend) did this exact sane thing to me just after I miscarried.
I acted excited for her and showed so much intreast when it was killing me inside. When I found out it was a lie I have never been so hurt and angry in my life.

I can't imagine the pain of a sister doing this to abother sister. This is horrible.

I would need to -for my sake- sit face to face the 3 of you. Ask the questions I needed. Then cut her off completely.
What she did was cruel and selfish.

Best wishes to you and your ds

She’d only got to 18wks? Perfectly possible not for a partner to know @18wks

What an extremely immature and upsetting thing to do, honestly if it was me I’d cut contact and there aren’t many situations where I would cut off a family member but this is a level of selfishness I just can’t get my head around.

Im so very sorry for your sisters loss, it is an awful thing to happen.

Your other sister, she is not well - but that does not excuse her behaviour. She knew exactly what she was doing. Personally, I would cut contact with her. Call her out and tell her it is despicable. Entirely up to your other sister what she wants to do. How she isnt raging and wanting to rip your lying sister a new one is beyond me.

• sorry, investigate before you do. There are certain ways to handle vulnerable people and shaming them (confront) is not a good way.

There are certain ways to handle vulnerable people and shaming them (confront) is not a good way.

I certainly wouldn't be handling her with kid gloves. Vulnerable or not A knew what she was doing was wrong, it does not excuse what she did and she absolutely should be called out on that.

Her behaviour is unbelievably cruel and I don't see how the OP and B could resolve the issue without confronting her. She is hardly going to admit she is lying like previous posters have suggested she will continue this charade for as long as possible and then claim she has lost the baby when it becomes too difficult to maintain.

How on earth did she think she was ever going to get away with it? The girlfriend would have found out at some point. Presumably she would know if there was a turkey baster or alternative, involved or not.

I see why B has questions she needs answering.

The only way I can see this working going forward is if she is very, very upset about the mess she's made, and even then I'm not sure I could ever properly forgive her for what she has done to B

Borrow a Doppler and surprise her with it!! Make a big fuss and suggest you all have a listen in!

How close are you to her girlfriend as I wonder if she could act as a go between.

Please give your sister my condolences. And what a lovely name your nice was given

What on earth must A’s girlfriend think!? 🤨

Did you show the girlfriend the texts from A at the gig?

This is highly abnormal behaviour - truly extraordinary.

I'd ask MNHQ to edit your niece's name OP in case this gets splashed round the Mail.

Your sister is either unbelievably cruel or very unwell. I'd cut ties altogether, family shouldn't behave like that towards each other. Sorry for your loss.

Poor B. At this stage after a stillbirth, she probably feels that she's doing really well if she gets up, gets dressed and prepares some food in a day. To have to deal with this on top must be unbearably hard for her. I remember it feeling physically like that slightly stunned feeling you have when you hit your head getting into a car. And nobody was pretending to be pregnant in my family.

I almost hope that A is mentally ill (although it's really odd that she has only pretended to her family so it doesn't seem like a delusion). Because the alternative to illness is that she's a really terrible person. Although both are possible at the same time of course.

A was never going to be able to rock up with a baby so presumably she was planning to fake a miscarriage/still birth at some point. Do you think it could be an extremely misguided attempt to provide some solidarity or support to B?

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet

Wow. I'm almost beyond words with this OP. I was thinking how cruel and tactless it was to announce it at only 6 weeks knowing your other sisters recent experience but this... if she has actually lied seems unforgivable. I feel angry for you.

Your sister needs help. What a sick individual.

How could she do that after her own sister suffering a loss like that? Disgusting. I would never speak to her again.

She has a mental health condition. No one normal lies about things that big. They don’t lie full stop really.

That is unbelievably cruel. I can't even imagine what poor B has been through, to then have your own sister behave like that!

If shes in a same sex relationship, did none of you ask her what the deal was and HOW she was actually pregnant?! (I realise there absolutely are ways, sperm donor etc, just before anyone says anything!). I'd just be wondering what exactly the situation was!

Just after my children died (many years apart) I encountered a few people who did this type of thing.

My mother did everything's she could to take any focus from me and onto herself. Even telling me I was lucky to get attention.

Another in law made up a child who was stillborn, showed me a photo, told me about the funeral etc, all completely untrue.

Then just recently a guy I was seeing said he had a stillborn child and every time I talked about or looked at photos of my children, he made up bullshit story about this child and said he found it upsetting when I talked about my kids as it made him think of his.

Each and every one of them were just an attention seeking, grief vulture.

The type of person who sees the raw pain that a bereaved parent feels and has jealousy as their first emotion is completely twisted.

I would absolutely cut her off and never look back, it's a disgusting thing to do.

I'm so sorry that your family has to miss little Matilda

I was wondering the same Shark - of course, the sister and her partner may not be sexually monogamous, but either the pregnancy would be planned in which case you'd think OP and family would have heard that they were trying, or it would be accidental, in which case it'd raise a lot of questions and issues about the parenting situation, which again you'd think would come up pretty quickly.

Oh my goodness. It's hard to know what's going on but it's not good! So sorry for the loss of Matilda.

If her partner was so dead set against children maybe your dsis didn't tell her