To think I should be able to wear whatever I damn well want?!

[Zebby25]

I have no issue being told IABU if I am. So please flame away if I am being inconsiderate and a “bit of a bitch” as my husband seems to think!

DH and I have been together for 14 years, since we were 16. Married for 10 years. We have 3 children.
I had our DC between the ages 22 and 27. During this time I gained a lot of weight (to the tune of almost 7 stones... size 10 up to an 18). Bad habits, not enough exercise, not enough healthy food. Etc.
After I had DC3 I said I was really going to do it this time and lose all of the weight I had gained (much eye rolling from family and friends). And I did. I joined slimming world online, got a gym membership, swim pass, exercise DVDs, some cheap secondhand home equipment... and I worked my arse off for 2 years.
My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is in a similar position to me. Been with DH for almost as long as us, 3 kids, same age as me... she also gained a lot of weight in her 20s - not quite as much as me, but a significant amount.
We spend a lot of time together as couples because DH and his bro are best friends. This Saturday just gone SIL and I went clothes shopping - my dad gave me some money for my birthday and we are going out to celebrate my birthday this Friday, so I want a new outfit. I bought a black leather-look high-waisted mini skirt to wear with clothes I already have ( including black tights - Varicose veins won’t allow for bare legs 😂)
It’s a lovely skirt and I’m really excited to wear it. It’s been a LONG time since I’ve felt comfortable in something other than maternity leggings!
SIL has complained to her DH about this skirt and says she will feel “like a potato” if I wear that and she has to stand beside me all night, and has even threatened not to come out with us. OVER A SKIRT. 🙄
Her DH has spoken to my DH, and DH has told me I really ought to wear something else.
My SIL has complained about her weight since she had her last baby 4 years ago. I asked her to join the gym with me. And she did, but always made an excuse not to come. I have let her borrow workout DVDs (she asked if she could, I didn’t force them on her) which she admits she hasn’t used. I told her about slimming world and she says she wouldn’t stick to it. She likes to eat and drink whatever she likes.
Well that’s absolutely fine, do that - but don’t then dictate to me what I’m allowed to wear because you feel bad about yourself?!
I have dragged myself out of bed 5 mornings a week 2 hours before everyone else to work out, shower and have breakfast before the day “started”. Meal prepped every Sunday. Learned the syns of every snack and meal going. Made fakeaways in place of takeaways. Turned down donuts with tears in my eyes. Been tee-bloody-total!....
I am now down to a size 8/10. Not at urgent risk of diabetes anymore. My knees and back don’t hurt anymore. I can get upstairs without being out of breath.
I have worked really f*ing hard to be healthy and it’s worked and I’m finally confident and happy with myself. And proud. I feel like my old self again - finally!
I should be able to wear my new skirt on MY birthday?!?!
DH says I can wear it “next time” we go out (which may not be for another 6 months knowing us!) and thinks I should spare SILs feelings because I know how it feels to be overweight and unconfident. Yes, I did, so I bloody well did something about it! I didn’t down pints of Stella and glasses of wine and takeaways every weekend! I exercised! I had self control! And it wasn’t easy by any means.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off as a bitch, I’m really not. But I’m a 30 year old woman who has worked extremely hard to better herself, I should be able to wear what i like without it causing a row with my husband and a family rift. Not because I’m a “show off” as hubby says, but because I’ve bloody earned it!
AIBU?? Am I being an inconsiderate bitch or am I right here?

And the OP can share as much as she likes how amazing her weight loss is, Lord knows there's enough women on here second guessing themselves etc.

Good for you OP, weightloss is a long hard road, you've done amazing to lose the weight. Not easy.

Well done 😀 wear the skirt with pride.
Don't let her pass her issues onto you. They're all hers to deal with.

DistanceCall that still seems to come under the category of things the SiL said while she was having a whinge to her husband. Possibly she was just saying something like "I don't even want to come if I've got to stand next to Zebby all night while she's looking like that and I look like a potato". She might not have intended it to be a "threat" not to go. We don't really know, unless the OP can come back and clarify things.

I just find it hard to believe that anyone would ask their husband to speak to his brother to ask his wife to not wear a particular skirt to her own birthday do. It sounded more to me like she was having a rant to get her feelings off her chest and her husband took it upon himself to "have a word". It doesn't say anywhere that the instruction has come from the SiL?

congrats on your weight loss, OP.

Tell me (I think I know the answer but just to be sure), did you ever once ask someone slimmer than you to change what they wore to make you feel better about yourself? I'm guessing you didn't.

I'd be asking your DH why his SIL's feelings apparently trump yours ON YOUR OWN FUCKING BIRTHDAY. Is he under his brother's thumb?

Omg please, WEAR THE SKIRT!!

Sounds like SIL has moaned to BIL and rather than reassure her she looks great and help her feel better BIL thinks the solution is for you to dress differently!! Silly.

I have moaned to dh "I have nothing to wear, I feel rubbish, I cant even be bothered going like this" but I would never want it repeated or actually cancel for this reason.

PLEASE PUT UP THE LINK TO THE SKIRT - I need a post-baby incentive!!

I'd ask DH to pay for a replacement outfit and buy something even more figure hugging 🤷🏻‍♀️

Any reason why DH doesn't have your back? Is he overweight and jealous too?

I'm petty.

I'd stamp my little footsie and say I'm not going if I don't wear the skirt.

Alternatively I'd make DH buy me something else and probably go for a tailored 50's style wiggle skirt and killer heels.

Have a fab birthday OP. 🎂

If you whinge to your husband "I'm not going if she's wearing THAT skirt!", you are expecting your husband to let the OP know, particularly as he and his brother are so close.

DON'T WEAR THE SKIRT!

Go and buy something even more figure hugging and super cool. Then its a win win situation. You were sensitive to her feelings and still looked a million dollars

Fuck that. Speaking as someone with 4 stone to lose, you wear whatever YOU WANT - you worked for it, you earned it. As much as I sympathise with not wanting to be the fat one, her insecurity is her own problem, not yours!

Maybe you'll even motivate and inspire her looking all svelte in your fab skirt.

Thank you for all of your responses! The opinion seems to be overwhelming FOR wearing what I want to. I’m sorry to those who think I come off as bitchy about SIL. I don’t mean to sound up my own arse, but to cap it off she has not been the most supportive person over the last couple of years. Made a lot of snide comments about having better things to do than go to the gym with me (which may be true, but she signed up for a membership and has only been twice), or called me boring for not having a drink, or obsessed for choosing a salad over a burger... etc. She has never once said well done, but instead teases me in front of others “How many sit ups Have you done today?” “Kate can’t have that, she only has water and dust!” “Mmmm look at this lovely donut, are you sure you don’t want one?” whilst dangling one in front of me between her fingers. So I don’t feel like I particularly owe her anything?? In private she wants to lose weight and I have been as supportive as I can, including telling her husband off for calling her a lard arse at Christmas! 😡 But then she goes on about life being too short and she’d rather enjoy her food and drink than live like I do, and very much looks down on my lifestyle, without any kind of provocation. It’s not like I sit there saying “you should do what I do” and she feels the need to defend herself. She will pick at my meal choices, draw attention to me in front of people and then explain to everyone why I’m “sad”. To be perfectly honest if it weren’t for our husbands being so close we probably wouldn’t be friends - she can be really quite mean and hurtful when she wants to be. I just try to let it slide off me because I take the attitude it comes from a place of insecurity and I shouldn’t let her get to me.

IMO I would rather enjoy my wardrobe than be miserable the way I used to be. I have overcome a very nasty binge-eating habit which was by far the hardest thing. I have explained this to DH and he says I should just be a bit more considerate to her feelings because she might be having a hard time right now. Yes, perhaps she is, but she doesn’t really help herself and she hasn’t been particularly nice either. We only went shopping together because I was trying to be nice and inclusive before we all went out together- we really aren’t THAT close. I helped her find a really gorgeous outfit that looked so nice on her (she’s only a size 14 bear in mind but used to be very slim so I get why she feels uncomfortable, although she’s not as big as I was at my heaviest by a long shot) but her self esteem is ROCK bottom.

I don’t feel I should have to censor my wardrobe but on the other hand I can see me giving in just for the sake of being agreeable. I’m a stupid effing pushover like that.

Take the skirt out, do not take SIL.

Holy crap, she’s a 14? So not even ‘fat’?? Do not allow her to censor your wardrobe or what else will she decide she can censor? Given she’s already been a bitch about your weight loss/effort, she can fuck right off, quite frankly.

Yeah she sounds awful tbh.

just be a bit more considerate to her feelings because she might be having a hard time right now. Oh the old be kind chestnut, while being completely oblivious the person you have to be kind to is being an arse to you!

That was why I said don't wear the skirt...
But buy a jumpsuit ,. She will complain about it, so you can easily get your DH to agree that you can't win.
He will then never be able to do this, as all you have to say is remember skirtgate.

Well done. What an inspiration! Wear the skirt and she can piss off.

Oh, and your ‘d’h should be a damn sight more supportive of how amazingly you have done and be helping you to celebrate that by shutting up about what you choose to wear. Perhaps he’d like you to wear a king size duvet cover to properly cover you up? Don’t allow anyone to repress you in this fashion.

Happy birthday you weight losing legend of a machine !
It's weird of her to go through the brothers 🤔 she sounds insecure generally. Absolutely wear the skirt, infact forget the suggestion ever got brought up. ⭐️🏆💪💐🍺🍰

@Zebby25 the thing is, you loosing weight is nothing new for her, she's seen you reduce in size over the last 2 years. It's not like they haven't seen you and this is the big unveiling. Shes been out/with you on many occasions at the size you are now, so her having a wobble over what you're wearing is HER problem.

If you never put another lb on in the next 5 years and she stays the same, will it be acceptable for her to say you need to dress differently because you make her feel/look fat, No! You are a healthy slimmer version of yourself and that is all.

Ask you DH would he find it acceptable if his DB asked him not to wear his hair in a certain way as it makes him feel uglier with him?

People are who they are and i'm sure your SIL has slim friends who she wouldn't dream of asking to dress differently when going out with her.

So she's very jealous and has been very mean. Hold your head up high and wear the skirt because you want to, you like it, it's your birthday and because yes you can wear what you bloody well want. Go you. I lost a fair amount of weight last year through hard work, and my own mother, who is slim, was totally unsupportive about it so I get it..

Well if she's an unpleasant person you don't even like much generally and has done her best to mock and undermine you, this decision is really really easy.

You wear the skirt and she's no longer invited. Seriously, this has all the hallmarks of an effort to 'put you in your place' now that you've lost the weight, quite possibly with some conscious or unconscious collusion from your own DH. If you give in it won't end here, because she won't be happy until either she squashes your self esteem or you regain the weight.

wow - well done on your hard work. That skirt must look amazingly good to have thrown your SIL so badly.

SIL is blaming the skirt for her feeling bad. We all know that the skirt has nothing to do with it.

I think that you are free to wear what you want.

However if you think that her response is likely to spoil your enjoyment of what should be a wonderful occasion.

1. book a special occasion now for you to go out and wear that skirt - asap. It can be an extra birthday treat and should include many photos.
2. Go and buy or hire another sexy/wonderful outfit to wear for the party. Make sure it is just as lovely. (At the size you are this is going to be easy!)

Well done you. Yes wear the skirt. You wouldnt tell her to wear something less nice would you?! She can't ask you not to look great just because she feels over weight. Thats silly!