Other parents & my house rules (sort of lighthearted)

[lyralalala]

Don't you just love it when other parents decide your rules don't apply to their child?

We're having a sleepover in the holidays for my twin girls birthday. As there is a mix of kids coming of 15, 16 and 17 (the joys of a small village means their mates are a mix of age) I've made clear two rules. If folks don't want to play by the rules then they can either not come, or can leave when some other folks are leaving (the ones that don't want to stay or can't stay because of things on the next morning).

After midnight phones go onto the kitchen counter for charging/to be left. There's 10 of them crashing in the living room, mixed group, so I'm sticking to the sleepover rule of 'no phones' that I've always had.

Secondly although they are allowed the occasional drink I've said they can have 3/4 beers or ciders each max. Cans or bottles only (can't be mixed with anything). No spirits. No huge bottles of anything. It's the same rule I've had for parties since my DS was old enough to have a couple of drinks.

One Mum has decided "I've told her she can keep her phone as she is worried she might want picked up". Erm, no. They can access their phones by going into the kitchen, but no phones in the sleeping area after midnight.

Another has announced that her 16yo prefers vodka and coke so she'll just send her with a premixed bottle. Erm, again, nope. No spirits, and certainly no massive bottles of anything that could have sodding anything in.

It's fair enough to decide your child is not allowed to do something (there's a couple coming that are not allowed to drink and that I understand and support) at someone's house, but not that they are allowed to do something the hosting parent has said no too!

I've already explained the mixed sleeping area a few times now. 8 girls and 2 gay boys (one not openly to everyone hence why a couple of girls are going home at midnight as their parents, understandably, don't want them sharing a room with boys) sleeping over isn't an issue.

Anyway phones Mum has apologised for her text and had forgotten that they have full access to their phones in the kitchen so that's all fine.

They should stick to your rules I guess - even though your rules are odd.
My rules: Phones - fine, it’s a sleepover, phones will be fun.
Some under age - No booze.
BUT your AIBU was should they stick to your rules? Yes, they should and so YANBU in that context (even though you are)😬

I applaud you for being very clear about the rules and boundaries for your children's guests, and giving other parents the opportunity to choose whether or not to let their child go and to explain to their child (if they are going) exactly what is expected of them. Very sensible, though I would not be letting mine go. I don't hold with letting underage teenagers drink, personally,

Which is entirely fair enough. I think that's why I'm so annoyed about the whole thing. I do take the time to make sure parents know that there is alcohol at the party and make sure that anyone who allows their child to come, but doesn't want them to drink is respected. A fair number of parents don't bother to do that, it's especially problematic because of the mixed age range. So to just announce they are exempting their child from the rules is just as rude as it would be to tell a 7yo on a playdate they don't have to follow the house rules! So annoying.

Haven’t RTFT but am finding some of these comments really tedious.

OP, I TOTALLY get where you’re coming from, in both your rules and your irritation at the parents who are trying to circumvent them on behalf of their children, and think your DCs are lucky they have a home where they can safely explore some privileges of adulthood with their friends, without having to worry they will be pushed too far. You got this.

Wtf did I just read 15-17 drinking alcohol, and not just one but 3-4. WOW

It doesn't matter whether we or their parents disagree with your rules. It's your house - your rules. If they don't like it - they don't come. Simples.

4 beers or ciders is surely more alcohol than 1 or 2 single shots of vodka. Lots of people can't stand beer or cider.

I'm going to leave the thread now as I'm just going in circles repeating the same things over and over.

The 3/4 is a maximum drinks. They are allowed to bring what their parents allow, but as some parents allow way more than that I set a maximum limit.

The reason for cans or bottles rather than shots of vodka is because it's easier to control amounts in single servings rather than having bottles of spirt floating about. It came up earlier in the thread that you can get cans of vodka/coke, gin/tonic etc in the supermarket, which I didn't know so i'm looking into that.

Thanks everyone.

Sheesh, no wonder kids these days are known as Generation Snowflake. So many over protective parents who will, in 10 years, be moaning that those same kids wont move out You do know that kids have been having parties for generations before mobile phones were invented, right?!

I don't hold with letting underage teenagers drink, personally,

Which is actually more irresponsible than letting them have a few and is exactly why you get kids hitting 18 and going INSANE on booze, hurting themselves, ending up with poisoning, getting in fights, being in risky situations. They dont know how alcohol affects them, they dont know what they like, how much they can have and still be in control and of course they are indestructible. But they do know that at 18 there aint diddly squat you can do about it, your window for teaching them about it has well and truly closed, so they are going to learn from people who do not have their best interests at heart.

Whereas if you let them have alcohol in a safe enviroment such as home or supervised parties, they learn in a healthy way. They also get over the novelty of it before being of an age where they can go into clubs. It wont stop all of them going mad, but it will help.

"Your house, your rules. But my ds wouldn't be there as your rules arent consistent and I wouldn't know wtf you would and wouldn't allow."

I really wouldn’t do it. Its not worth the pressure and responsibility. Kids these days will have access to all sorts and they are your responsibility.. just don’t risk it we don’t want to see the headline in the Mail

Witchtower You do know that it is perfectly legal for teenagers to drink at home in the U.K. don’t you? But, you would prefer to ban them until it is “legal” at 18 and let them go mad in the local pub?!

Was about to write what Pyong has just written much better than I would.
Those going mad about 16-17 yr olds having a couple of drinks, are you suddenly going to say “it’s your 18th, go clubbing, get drunk” and send them off expecting them to get more than an hour into the evening safely? It’s much safer to gradually introduce drink occasionally in a controlled situation.
There again, those of you thinking their dc will stick to their complete ban and never touch alcohol til they’re 18 are likely to get a shock.

I can’t believe you’re relaxed enough to let 10 teenagers stay and drink but not have their phones . 3 ciders is enough to get drunk and other alcohol will get snuck in somehow, I wouldn’t have it.

@BunsyGirl Have you checked out some other crazy laws...

www.thefactsite.com/funny-laws-in-uk/

I wouldn’t be against my children having one drink at home. But I wouldn’t be actively encouraging them to get pissed at 15. 3-4 cans of beer would definitely make me pissed.

I could be arrested for treason if I stick my stamp upside down 😂😂😂

Another thread!

Then don't have it DownAndUnder.

You've never even done it. The OP has done it in the past and it works.

Witchtower - then send your kid with just one drink. Or better yet, don't send them at all.

It's a party invitation, not a summons.

Wow. The amount people are struggling with this is ridiculous.

I came here and was away to write a comment saying you sound like a fun sponge and you should just let the kids have their phones, but I actually sat for a few minutes and thought about it.

You're not banning phones, they're in the kitchen and the kids can get to them if they need to, you're letting them have alcohol which at that age is pretty cool, and it would probably do them well not to have phones and actually speak and interact with each other when they're heading to sleep.

Your house, your rules. They're good rules too. Not that my opinion matters a jot

Witchtower...I used to go clubbing at 16 with my parent’s full knowledge and approval, as did all my friends. We turned out just fine. You don’t have to enlighten my about strange laws. I am a lawyer!

The phones in the kitchen at midnight rule is genius.

YemenRoadYemen

The phones in the kitchen at midnight rule is genius.

Why? I don’t get the phones confiscated after a certain time thing. What happens at night on phones they different from the day?

The OP has explained at length, 1633.

RTFT.

To help you out - they're not confiscated - they're removed to the kitchen. The kids have full access to them - in the kitchen.

They're not to be brought into the sleeping area, where kids could get up to mischief with them, perhaps taking photos of sleeping people and posting on snapchat.

Kids can sleep safe in the knowledge that there will be no phones cameras. Their parents know this, too.

@YemenRoadYemen I’m not going to pretend that it’s ok to allow 15yo to get pissed at home. It really is not ok.

Then don't send your kid to the party Witch! Problem solved.