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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Other parents & my house rules (sort of lighthearted)

389 replies

lyralalala · 07/04/2019 15:37

Don't you just love it when other parents decide your rules don't apply to their child?

We're having a sleepover in the holidays for my twin girls birthday. As there is a mix of kids coming of 15, 16 and 17 (the joys of a small village means their mates are a mix of age) I've made clear two rules. If folks don't want to play by the rules then they can either not come, or can leave when some other folks are leaving (the ones that don't want to stay or can't stay because of things on the next morning).

After midnight phones go onto the kitchen counter for charging/to be left. There's 10 of them crashing in the living room, mixed group, so I'm sticking to the sleepover rule of 'no phones' that I've always had.

Secondly although they are allowed the occasional drink I've said they can have 3/4 beers or ciders each max. Cans or bottles only (can't be mixed with anything). No spirits. No huge bottles of anything. It's the same rule I've had for parties since my DS was old enough to have a couple of drinks.

One Mum has decided "I've told her she can keep her phone as she is worried she might want picked up". Erm, no. They can access their phones by going into the kitchen, but no phones in the sleeping area after midnight.

Another has announced that her 16yo prefers vodka and coke so she'll just send her with a premixed bottle. Erm, again, nope. No spirits, and certainly no massive bottles of anything that could have sodding anything in.

It's fair enough to decide your child is not allowed to do something (there's a couple coming that are not allowed to drink and that I understand and support) at someone's house, but not that they are allowed to do something the hosting parent has said no too!

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 08/04/2019 21:19

Hope they've got condoms

Imabadmummy · 08/04/2019 21:24

Op - you sound like my friends parents and i hope i can be like this when my kids are older.

We had sleepovers (sort of party) at various friends houses, only 1 we could drink at - that didnt stop us drinking mind - we would go else where to drink (park etc) - but i liked we could go there, they watched us, chatted with us and made sure we were safe - we were gonna drink anyway, at least this way they had some control over what we did/drank.

We were a mixed aged group too (prob 4/5 years eldest to youngest) boys & girls who had all grown up together - gone to same schools.

Awwww, brings back some good memories thinking about those nights.

mommybunny · 08/04/2019 21:24

As I’ve already said, I haven’t RTFT but even I know CONDOMS AREN’T NEEDED. There will be no sex as the two boys are gay.

YemenRoadYemen · 08/04/2019 21:29

@Missingstreetlife RTFT before coming on with your 'wisdom'.

Jessie94 · 08/04/2019 22:05

Obviously your rules are your rules and they should abide by them or leave.

But I'm finding you very inconsistent - you won't allow phones because you don't want then to take pictures in a mixed sleeping area.
But you will give them a fair amount of alcohol and let then all sleep in the same space? That's really not safe for a 15 year old who is underage if anything sexual happened.
4 bottles of beer is a lot - I'm all over my partner after 2 and after 4 I'm stumbling around with no pants on....

Are their parents aware that thy will be drinking 40 pints between them and then all sleeping together?

I think that if you're going to trust them to do that, you need to trust then with their own phones.

1633tonow · 08/04/2019 22:16

Jessie94

Oh but it’s ok you see because the two boys are gay and the girls aren’t 😂

millespadpuddy · 08/04/2019 22:22

I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending my 15 year old to that sleepover.

SoupDragon · 08/04/2019 22:25

even I know CONDOMS AREN’T NEEDED. There will be no sex as the two boys are gay.

Unless they are having sex with each other...

RLABC · 08/04/2019 22:26

OP I know you've left your thread now (can't say I blame you!) but I had to comment because some PP's responses have given me the rage! Why, oh why don't people bother to even just read your OP and subsequent updates if they can't manage to RTFT?!

I think your rules are spot on. If my son had been invited to a party at that age, with those rules I'd have been very comfortable with the whole thing and no, YADNBU to expect the other parents to respect your rules.

I hope the party goes well, especially for your daughter who's social life is limited. You sound great StarFlowers

RLABC · 08/04/2019 22:30

Are their parents aware that thy will be drinking 40 pints between them and then all sleeping together? Oh come on!

RLABC · 08/04/2019 22:31

Unless they are having sex with each other I was waiting for someone to say that Hmm

lyralalala · 08/04/2019 22:46

Are their parents aware that thy will be drinking 40 pints between them and then all sleeping together?

This came up on the ‘threads I’m on’.

I’m 100% confident that all of the parents understood “the kids that are staying will all be bunking down on sofas and blow up beds in the living room”.

And I’m also sure that they realise that if they allow their teen to bring alcohol that they supply then their teen will probably drink it...

OP posts:
YemenRoadYemen · 08/04/2019 23:01

Are their parents aware that thy will be drinking 40 pints between them and then all sleeping together?

Their parents will be signing off on the amount their own child drinks @Jessie94 - so I'm guessing they will be just fine about ...?

YemenRoadYemen · 08/04/2019 23:02

Reading comprehension is really not some people's strong point, is it? 😳

Supercuts · 08/04/2019 23:03

This reply has been deleted

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IAteTheLastOne · 08/04/2019 23:06

So many people saying ‘confiscating phones is a bit odd’. They’re not confiscated, they’re in the bloody kitchen, just not in the room they’re sleeping in! They have FULL ACCESS to them at any point.

And, the self righteous ‘well MY child wouldn’t be going where they’re provided alcohol..’ OP isn’t providing it, the parents are! Put your bloody glasses on, love! And just so you know, the more you say they’re not allowed-the more determined they’ll be!

Planetian · 08/04/2019 23:12

Your house your rules but what fucked up rules they are Confused

“I shall remove your phone dear child - but feel free to consume intoxicating liquids!”

YemenRoadYemen · 08/04/2019 23:24

@Planetian - where has the OP said she will remove phones?!

It's in the kitchen from midnight - able to be accessed at any time!

Jeez.

YemenRoadYemen · 08/04/2019 23:25

but feel free to consume intoxicating liquids!”

...that their own parents have provided! Try RTFT.

RLABC · 08/04/2019 23:34

Oh this thread is so fucking frustrating Angry

Will people PLEASE RTFT?!

ForksintheRoad · 08/04/2019 23:44

I have a 15YO and a 12YO and your rules sound just fine IME.

I hope the sleepover goes well!

Hotterthanahotthing · 09/04/2019 00:03

I like that you have parents provide drinks,this means those not drinking don't feel pressured as they can blame their parents.
We have had mixed sleepover for teens too and they are all to hung up to be seen doing more than flirting Infront of others,also sleeping bags are a bit limiting.
I find kids with phones at these things hilarious.When they're 13-14 they are all heads down sharing this and talking to friend not there.At 15 they nag anyone using a phone to put it away.
Like you I've know most of the kids since nursery.

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 09/04/2019 00:08

Amen!!!
The stupidity running through this thread is insane...

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 09/04/2019 00:14

This is the kind of parent that lands herself in prison for providing minors with alcohol.She thinks that they will be safe in her own home so it's ok.But doesn't have the brains to consider the bad things that can come with it.Teens are stupid and they drink until they black out.Mama thinks she is the only one providing the alcohol,ummmm nope!!Kiddos are bringing it too.And they just might sneak out and get behind the wheel of a car.Just imagine all that comes with that!!!
What kind of mother would rather be the "Party Mum" instead of actually loving her own children and telling them they can drink alcohol when they are old enough and it's legal???

Supercuts · 09/04/2019 00:18

But isn’t she staying up all night guarding the kitchen? If that is the way out she can stop them.

You see, phones need guarding and door needs guarding because they cannot be trusted...