AIBU to think this holiday is too much?

[tootlepootleschmootle]

DH has planned a trip for this summer, wants to book flights before prices go up. I think flight times are silly with our DS, and too much in such a short amount of time. He thinks I'm BU and boring, should I just do it?

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this. Four days in Spain before flight to Porto. Half a day there and two hour train to Lisbon, two days there. Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days, before hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia, staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

I'd be happy with a week in Cornwall with DS. I'm happy to go somewhere more exciting, but can't help feel it's all a bit much, but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this, babies travel all the time, blah blah blah.

Sounds like the sort of trip my father used to organise. His convoluted itineraries using as many different modes of transport as possible are the stuff of legends in our family.

That itinerary is bonkers for adults never mind a small child. Just say no!

That’s not a holiday. It’s a tour of different travel companies. YANBU. Your husband is insane.

It probably won't work but could you or a friend try and 'help' him understand he'll look like the worst kind of tourist (I don't think this way but trying to grasp at straws to be helpful) - 'doing' a place, getting a photo with what ever landmark to Instagram or show friends then move on without experiencing anything. As PPs have said, all the effort and cost and no reward.

If he is focused on Instagram then all his and your DC's Instagram will appear to be is an immutable record of being like a cruise passenger (nothing against those) who has 'done' places together with the environmental damage of all that travel for next to no benefit.

Yes dear, that was when we did Paris. And Barcelona. And London. And St Petersburg. All in a few days. Next year, we're going to do South Asia for a long weekend.

Good luck.

How bizarre. We travel extensively with our toddler but that sounds exhausting! The key to toddler friendly travel is not too much time on modes of transport. So we've done holidays where we stay in a different destination each night but max 3 hours driving per day (toured iceland) or holidays with 1 week in 1 location and then a few days touring, again with not too much driving.

Sounds like he just wants something instagrammable.

Spain and Portugal might be doable, e.g. 5 days at a resort, 4 days in Spanish city, 4 days in Portuguese city. Or maybe Slovenia and Croatia? Two neighbouring European countries may be an acceptable plan to everyone?

Hell no!

By the time she was 5, DD had lived 4 houses in 3 different countries. She'd also holidayed in 3 other countries. How much of it does she remember? NONE.

She has memories that can be bought on by Photos - "Was that the Waterpark where we counted the signs?" Was that the giraffe that licked my hand?" "Was that the dirty swimming pool?" From around age 4, But absolutely nothing of substance.

The first holiday she properly remembers was when she was 7.

That itinery is absolutely barking, and more suited to a single, no baggage type person.

God, can you imagine the packing and repacking alone?

I’d do that as an adult and with older children but not a toddler. It’s great he wants your child to experience travel, my daughter has traveled to many countries, including European train, interflights, helicopter travel, but not until age 8 and over where it was easier and she could appreciate and remember the trips. She is now 14 and has lots of memories, can he wait a while?

Sounds selfish like he isn't thinking of his child at all.

I hope you are going to show your husband this thread OP.

tootle's husband YOU ARE A KNOB. Seriously. Pull yourself together.

And if you get your way and make tootle do this, don't you DARE to complain or expect her to deal with the problem if, no hang on, not if, but WHEN your DS is a screaming, exhausted wreck having a total meltdown in the middle of a hot, crowded place. You will have brought it all on yourself and if I were tootles I'd be giving you the middle finger as I walk off into the crowd and leave you to it for a few hours.

If he wants to see lots of places, maybe suggest a cruise? Lots of downtime whilst getting around a lot.
I've never been one for rigidly sticking to nap times, routine, etc, i.e. it never stopped us having a day out or turning down an invitation as long as we could take the little ones, but what your husband is suggesting sounds stressful. Everything would take so long when you need to get your son ready for all the travelling, and you'll just be trying to cope with his tiredness and the consequent toddler difficulties.

To be honest this sounds awful even without a child!

We travelled to that many different places with our 2 from 8 months old. In a cruise ship!! I'm

Surely just say no you are not doing the trip. If you are not able to discuss it then surely it's not even a marriage??

There has to be a compromise between the madness he's suggesting and a week in Cornwall. I love multi stop travelling and I'm really looking forward to the kids being older so we can do it again. But even without kids that itinerary is too crammed and not totally logical either.

We took both DCs (age at the time 27 months and 14 months) just for a week in Spain last year to test the waters. We hired a car at the airport and stayed in an airbnb so fairly independent. I had several ideas of days out that I thought we could manage - e.g. seeing some ruins, we'd enjoy it and I had images of the DCs just running around like they do at home. But they wouldn't, they were a bit unsettled being somewhere new and we had to take each day much more slowly than we expected. And that was in one place the whole week.

This year we're doing a similar trip but somewhere less built up than Spain, we have learnt our lesson and intend to take it very easy. We don't like big resorts or laying on the beach everyday so the extent of the compromise is that we skip the resort but have low key days. Otherwise its miserable for everyone.

Again , trying to be helpful, I wonder if there are any Instagram accounts showing repeated toddler meltdowns in different places from unreasonable travel being inflicted on them by one parent to show your DH what he'll lookalike to the Instagram audience he might be seeking?

If there are not and you end up agreeing to participate in his itinerary, perhaps you can create an account for this to be read alongside his beautifully curated family travel account? Presumably there'll be more demanding itineraries as your DC gets older?

That's too much for anyone I think, let alone a toddler.

Too much travelling and not enough time to actually enjoy where you are.

When our kids were tiny, W had so many fabulous family holidays in the UK. Norfolk, Northumbria and Yorkshire. I have so many happy memories of that time.

Then we branched our to Northern Europe, can't go wrong with Holland or Brittany.

We are now just about to board a plane with a 7 and 10 year old, to New York for two weeks touring the East Coast. This will be their second long-haul adventure and we plan to do many more.

But I'm so glad I didn't try it right yeas ago! Pack you bucket and spade and have an awesome fortnight in a cottage in Cornwall.

Grasping at further straws, has your DH ever taken your DC away for a short break on his own and managed them in a new routine in a strange place to help him learn?

It might sound extreme but if the alternative is the itinerary your DH has proposed, ...?

Absolute insanity.

I lived and worked in six countries. I've visited well over 30 for business and pleasure. I've backpacked overland from Glasgow to Thessaloniki. All across Turkey from Istanbul to Urfa and back to Antalya . West to East all through Russia. North to South in mainland China and throughout SE Asia. I've done multi day hiking trips in Korea, China and Japan. Yet I wouldn't go near this itinerary if I were single, never mind with my partner never mind with a baby! The thing I learned from all my traveling is that it's your attitude and company that makes the trip more than the location. Go to Cornwall and you'll all have a much better time if he can screw his head on!

We've travelled a lot with toddlers including taking them to India twice. This sounds exhausting though! I wouldn't enjoy it.

Vienna for only a day and a half and Lisbon for only two days? No way is this reasonable. Even without a young DS.

Dial it back! 2 stops would be the Max I would make with a toddler at that age. It’s only a holiday if you’re all happy. And as for the boasting parents who’s toddlers are ‘well travelled’ the kids quite literally are going to remember a thing ! At that age we took our kids on long haul trips to see relatives ( not out of choice!) and even when they’re 4/5 they remember things like the new tv programme they watched at grand house or the sweets they got on the plane...

This is all about his ego, he’s being a complete tit. I’ve done a few road trips to Europe that were fun as adults. Aside from the first and last day they involved driving a few hours at an acceptable time then staying a few days and exploring. That would be doable if your child was good in the car. A cruise is also a good option for families who want to see lots.

Last time we went abroad my priorities were daytime flights from a local airport. My children were the priority and I had no desire to have them hysterically tired. Your DC won’t remember much and won’t care most likely. My first foreign holiday as a three year old I can remember the sand being to hot and seeing a jellyfish and somewhere that smelled like drains.

Maybe he doesn't want to go to Cornwall but you guys could just fly to one European country and stay there? Even without the baby, what he's planned sounds shit. You'd basically be spending most of your holiday commuting so he can prove some deranged point ?

We do the ridiculously early flight to Spain and that is shit enough (younger DS is pure evil) so to get through that and know I have to keep doing it all holiday would send me over the edge.

So maybe you shouldn't be together if you're boring and not adventurous enough? I'd nip that attitude in the bud right now before I'd face a lifetime of being bulldozed into ludicrous madcap schemes. It's a bloody stupid plan and you and everyone else knows it
You just have to say,'No, we're not going to do that,' and mean it.

You don't have to stick to one place, or stick to Cornwall or the UK.

But you do need to prune this ridiculous itinerary vastly and re-plan it so it's in a logical direction.

Forget the train for a start. Fly to place A, stay for 4 or 5 days. Drive to place B. Stay for 4 days. Drive back to place A and fly home.

That can be Spain to Portugal, or Vienna to Slovenia.

Flying to Venice then driving to Bled then Ljubljana would make more sense. Although Venice at the height of summer with a buggy wouldn't be my idea of a great time.

@tootlepootleschmootle
Sounds hectic enough for adults but

but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this,
What?? Is this supposed to persuade you??

I like the sound of your Cornish/Devon holiday. I'd leave him to whatever you want to do and have a lovely time with your son.