AIBU to think this holiday is too much?

[tootlepootleschmootle]

DH has planned a trip for this summer, wants to book flights before prices go up. I think flight times are silly with our DS, and too much in such a short amount of time. He thinks I'm BU and boring, should I just do it?

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this. Four days in Spain before flight to Porto. Half a day there and two hour train to Lisbon, two days there. Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days, before hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia, staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

I'd be happy with a week in Cornwall with DS. I'm happy to go somewhere more exciting, but can't help feel it's all a bit much, but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this, babies travel all the time, blah blah blah.

That sounds like two holidays to me, as others have said: Iberian Peninsula and Slovenia/Austria. Madness going to Porto for half a day (what does your DH hope to achieve there in just a few hours?!) and madness flying across the whole of Europe just for another four (?) days.

There is so much to see and do in either of those two areas, I would just pick one and make the most of it.

Your DH imagines himself as an intrepid and free spirited traveller, not held back by being a parent, instead “children just slot in to the parents life” mentality.

Nope, he is a thoughtful, selfish, uptight and inconsiderate arse.

That sounds like a really stressful trip. Awful travel times, too many hours traveling, not enough time in each place and too many places.

Half a day in Porto and 2 days in Lisbon? Ask your DC if he actually wants to see these places or just tick them on a list because even to just see and experience the major highlights in Lisbon with a 2 year old is going to take longer.... catch a tram, go to the aquarium, ride the elevator, go on the cable car, see where Columbus set sail, go to belem, have portuguese tarts, travel a little bit - sit on the beach at cascais that's without trying different foods / restaurants, going to zoo/ parks/ museums or all the other things. What he's proposing is the worst bits of travel... all flights, airports, taxis, trains, check in, check outs, without time to actually experience anything. Maybe he shouldn't be with you if he can't pull his head out his arse and you know actually savour the experiences he is trying to have.

We travel a hell of a lot and dc is only 3 however there is no way I’d touch that itinerary. It’s just too bitty.

Good alternatives, as I don’t think a week in Cornwall will cut it:

Fly into one city in spain and work your way by train to another city and fly out from there stopping along the way eg fly into Malaga fly out of Bilbao.

Or just do Slovenia.

It sounds like he has seem random cheap flights and hashed something together. It far too much to do and you’d miss out on seeing so much and then you’d have to go back.

With a 20 month old no way!! Your DC won’t get anything out of it and will be tired and grumpy.

We love traveling but when the DC were small we had to put it on hold for a while - Ds1 was ok but DS2 was a terrible sleeper, not a great eater and it just wouldn’t have worked!

We waited until they were over 5 before doing anything adventurous.

They’re now 9 and 10 and love traveling too but we still have to have realistic expectations - full on sightseeing is tiring so we never do more than 2/3 days before a chill out beach/pool day. Or we do a couple of half day easier outings. Always stay minimum 3 nights before moving on etc

Could you compromise and just do Spain and stay in 2/3 different places or just do Slovenia and again just 2/3 places?

Just say no you’re not going. Doesn’t sound anything like a holiday to me. You’d be knackered when you got home no point in that.

Isn't a holiday supposed to be relaxing? That sounds harder than being at work.

That itinerary is nuts for anyone but a business traveller or the most resilient backpacker. It doesn't even make any sense to do those places in one trip, in that order.

With a toddler it's utter madness.

A holiday should be a week somewhere to chill not a trip around Europe! He needs to realise that he can't drag a very young child around and expect it to be fun.

Four days in Spain followed by a flight to Porto, half day stay then a 2 hr train to Lisbon.

Just fly straight to Lisbon - what can you do in Porto for half a day?

You could just do Spain and Portugal in the time you have. Flying from Lisbon to Vienna makes no sense at all - it's a long way.

The more I look at this the more I think JUST SAY NO. It will be absolutely crap and you'll be on the brink of divorce by the end of it.

That sounds like a nightmare with a toddler (wouldn't be great even with older children, TBH).

A week in Cornwall would be perfect. 20 month old won't know whether they're abroad or not anyway. Or you could compromise with a week in Spain, staying in one location.

I propose a compromise - take the ferry from Dover to Dunkirk (take/hire a car) and pootle about France/Belgium. We usually stay at Belgium's equivalent of Centre Parcs (Sunpark) and our small ones absolutely loved it. We even had a day trip to Bruges

Sounds like your DH wants to convince himself he's still in his twenties and single from that itinerary!

YANBU, stand firm and say no. It will be miserable from the looks of it

Haven't rtft sorry but obviously the ideal is a trip all in one place, you can still go abroad - doesn't have to be Cornwall (I love Cornwall btw).

My most extreme suggestion would be eg two weeks in Spain and Portugal with a maximum of three destinations. Even that is a bit mad with a 20mo!

That itinerary sounds utterly shit, even without taking lugging a toddler around into the equation. It's all travel and no time to enjoy each destination.

Surely there is room for some middle ground between a week in Cornwall (totally catered around your DC) and the trip your DH us planning?

I can see that a week in Cornwall could be pretty dull.

Also... The environment!!! All those flights!

I wonder if he’s picked it by seeing the cheapest flights between places he’d kind of like to visit. Makes me wish there was a quota of flights everyone got per year and then the taxes went up by a zillion percent to put people off this kind of ridiculous lifestyle when, well, climate change.
If he really wanted ‘travel’, you could eurostar to paris and then get a train to Spain, with a few days in each. Or fly to Spain and do day trips to different places.
He sounds incredibly selfish and immature. Hope you’re ok OP, you and your child deserve better. There have been some great suggestions on here.

The main problem is that there is just too much there in too short a time.

Stick to just Spain and Portugal, or just Vienna and Slovenia.

See two places properly and enjoy them. There is nothing worse than cramming in too much and feeling that all you did was queue up in airport and railway stations, or sit in a car waiting for a ferry. Whistlestop tours are pointless, tiring and frustrating.

The amount of time wasted in just getting from point A to point B to point C to point D takes up almost as much time as you spend actually being on holiday.

And if he says that the journeys are part of the whole experience then he can fuck off. Driving long distances with a tight schedule to keep to, getting on and off trains with luggage and a buggy, and queuing up in airports with a toddler is NEVER fun.

Cross post re environment!

A big no from me too. We did a big US trip when DC were 11 and 14 so more than capable of discussion. We decided after that that we would have a minimum of 3 nights anywhere otherwise there is no point. You can't do anywhere justice in that little time.

That itinerary sounds crazy. This would be a lot for someone without kids. Have you taken your son on any city breaks before? Did he enjoy it? Also Porto and Lisbon are very hilly and full of cobbled streets etc - quite hard work with a buggy or a toddler wanting to walk (ok with them in a carrier I suppose)

I think though the bad thing about your post though is your husband doesn't seem to have asked - will my wife enjoy it? Will my son enjoy it? When it's a family holiday, when two out of 3 people aren't enjoying it, it's time to think again. His reasons for going seem odd, what benefit is it for a kid under 5 to visit lots of countries? Unless they're going to live there they wont pick up the language, it's too short a trip for them to learn anything and they wont remember any of it! We just took our 4 year old somewhere we took her for a week last year, she's seen photos of it throughout the year, and when I asked her do you remember doing this or that or the apartment etc she said no to everything

The worst thing however is his attitude - that you shouldn't be together if you aren't up for trips like this. Very manipulative using veiled threats of splitting up, implying you're boring by not being 'up for it', all to get his own way over something that's not that important. The threats and lack of compromise would tempt me to reply that you're right and he's welcome to go by himself and not come back.

I know some people still do a lot of travel with kids but very very few people would choose your itinerary with a toddler. I think a compromise would be to go somewhere on a beachy holiday an hour or so away by train from an interesting city like Porto or Lisbon or Split or Dubrovnik so you can spend some time there.

That itinerary sounds utterly shit, even without lugging a toddler around into the equation. It's all travel and no time to enjoy each destination

This with bells on. I would totally refuse to go.

With DS at that age we did a week in Sorrento. Took a toddler backpack. Did Vesuvius, Pompeii, Herculaneum, some walks and played on a lovely little beach by our hotel. Was brilliant.

DS survived on breast milk, bananas and some pureed fruit we found in the supermarket could not get him to eat anything else!
No way would I do what your husband has suggested. No time to actually see anything.

A couple of years ago we went to 1 place in Turkey, 2 places in France and 2 places in Italy 3 and 1/2 weeks.

Our children were teenagers, we flew and drove, (no trains) went in a logical direction from place to place, and had at between 3 and 6 nights in each place. It was wonderful but utterly exhausting. The thought of doing your DH's itinerary with a toddler brings me out in a cold sweat of fear and loathing.