AIBU to think this holiday is too much?

[tootlepootleschmootle]

DH has planned a trip for this summer, wants to book flights before prices go up. I think flight times are silly with our DS, and too much in such a short amount of time. He thinks I'm BU and boring, should I just do it?

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this. Four days in Spain before flight to Porto. Half a day there and two hour train to Lisbon, two days there. Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days, before hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia, staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

I'd be happy with a week in Cornwall with DS. I'm happy to go somewhere more exciting, but can't help feel it's all a bit much, but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this, babies travel all the time, blah blah blah.

Why not a week in Slovenia, possibly weekend in Vienna?

Or week in Spain and weekend in Lisbon?

Basically half the holiday he has suggested and then the second half next year. Too short time in places mean you can’t relax and enjoy it

No way in hell would I be doing that without a toddler let alone with a toddler! You aren’t going to get to see anything but modes of transport and lots of waiting.

Has your DH cared for your son solo for a few days? Suggest he takes his son alone and you’ll stay by the pool in Spain.

Wow. That is not the best planned itinerary. I don't understand why he wants to go from Portugal to Austria? Has he been to France, Italy and Germany before? It makes no sense to skip such large regions.

This struck me as well. I like a touring holiday (well, I did pre-DC!) but you arrange your tour around similar geographic areas, not hope over to the other side of the continent halfway through. It sounds like the sort of itinerary someone who hadn't looked at a map would plan.

It is unrealistic for adults, let alone a toddler. You won't have time to see anything. For the last two years (with much older DC!) we've stayed in two different places within the same country for a week each and that was quite enough.

What a cock.
If he pulls out the not being together line I’d actually agree. You presumably thought he was an intelligent caring partner and father. This screams mid life crisis, Fuck that shit.

hop over

Sounds horrendous. I'd say ok you go and do that and myself and DS will stay in Spain for the entire trip.
The blackmail of "we shouldn't be together if you don't want to do this" is disgusting behaviour.

Why don't you suggest either west or east Europe but not both.
I'm a little bit like your husband in that a week if a UK beach holiday is close to my idea of hell. When the children were younger we would do multi-stop holidays but generally driving rather than flying. So paris-south of france-barcelona/Spain and back. Or germany-austria-italy and back. As our children got older they would help us plan, and the only proviso was we weren't going to zig zag around.

There were some long journeys but with some planning it felt less stressful than an airport and toddler on a plane as we were in control and could pull over for a break / have a lie in or a late night drive as suited us. We have also had some great adventures.

There is a compromise between a beach holiday and the frankly illogical itinerary your husband has proposed. Try and find it

We're now holiday on our own (children are adults) and over the last couple of years we have had multi-centre holidays but we wouldn't consider what your DH is suggesting. Sounds ridiculously expensive too.
DH needs to understand that if you DS isn't happy, you will all have a shit time. There's adventurous and then there's downright stupid!

Hmmm maybe you shouldn't be together? This is such a selfish and thick idea.

We travel a lot. Our 6 year old has been to about 25 countries. But that doesn’t sound enjoyable to me. Have you been away with your ds before?

I think just Spain and Porto could be good or just Lisbon and Vienna. Porto and Lisbon are both very child friendly cities. You could do both of those, you’d want longer than half a day in Porto. I think it’s the flying back to an airport 4 hours from your home that puts me off the most. But also you are rushing through these places. Why not suggest choosing just a few and take your time to enjoy them?

Personally we would choose one country such as Portugal or 2 close together (I.e Croatia and Italy) and hire a car and travel around more slowly. We love travelling with kids and I had much the same idea as your husband when our first was born but slowing the pace has helped immensely. You can always have a base and explore different places by car so you don’t move hotel so much. And you need to factor in chill days by the pool/beach/playground. You have many years to travel with your dc. That said I do think it’s great your husband has this attitude to travel with kids, but long journeys with little kids continuously don’t really make a relaxing holiday!

When ours were toddlers our best holidays were on the Isle of Wight.

That's a really, really dumb itinerary.

Is your DH the type to tag himself in new locations on FB? Looks like he's just wanting to tick a place off for the sake of it.

You're not 'doing' a destination if you're there half a day, what a waste of energy and money.

I've been to all those places and honestly, you'll be much better picking one (Slovenia, assuming you're staying in Ljubljana) and hiring a car to explore.

But I agree with you, I think you'll get so much more out of a UK break.

If he's so keen on going, let him go alone and get it out his system. The constant packing and travelling will be knackering. The reality of a touring type trip is very different to the reality.

That's not a holiday. It's more like one of those frantic races from a to b on a set budget.
A holiday means that you can see places, experience things, appreciate the new and different places. I love travelling but even as an adult without young children, his idea seems bonkers and pointless as there would be no time to enjoy anywhere. I dread to think about the impact it could have on your toddler and therefore you with crankiness of being in a vehicle for so long.

There has to be a compromise between the madness he's suggesting and a week in Cornwall

Of course there is. How about flying to somewhere in Spain for a few days, get the train or fly to Lisbon and spend a few days there before flying home from Lisbon.

Choose carefully and you won't need a car, or maybe just get one for a few days while in Spain? Cars are a nuisance in cities because it's usually expensive and difficult to park them.

No way OP.

I wouldn’t be wasting my precious holiday time with that amount of travel and disruption as a single adult, let alone with a toddler. Your husband is not just being unreasonable and selfish, his proposed itinerary is badly planned.

OP, if you want to find a compromise, then I would recommend a cruise. You could look at a Northern Europe cruise - that would hit many of the spots you have mentioned. I went on one that went to France, couple of stops in Portugal, couple of Spain, Germany, Amsterdam. It was lovely and a lot of them were beach spots.

You and your little one could chill out on the beach/ship whilst your DH does his sightseeing. It would be a much less stressful way to see many countries, there’s kids clubs / entertainment, and it would probably be a hell of a lot cheaper for you.

OP we travel a lot with our daughter and have since she was 10m old, the early flight isn't ideal but do-able, the rest is bonkers! If just driving places I wouldn't think it too bad, we did a 3 week driving holiday with her at 10m old and while you need to stop more it's fine. Those extra flights/drive and train though no way, too much into a short time frame, per a PP you'd be knackered. Stay in Spain longer and relax. That kind of trip is best saved for when DS is older, walks and can carry his own bag/backpack booster seat

Just go to Slovenia. It’s an amazing country and when there you can day trip on the train to other countries very easily...

Or Cornwall. That sounded great too!
I’m a LP with a 2.5 yo - have made the executive decision not to do overseas trips with him for at least another year or so- at this age travelling to the shops can feel like a trial, so really really not up for international child wrangling.

We’re going to Whitby this summer- Mexico, Thailand, Bali and New York will still be there when he’s 5.

I was with your DH (except I was mentally insisting on an airport hotel) right up to Lisbon. But then when he started heading off to Vienna - no fucking way! I stopped reading at that point as I felt exhausted. I wouldn't agree to that itinery myself, let alone with a toddler! And all those flights/trains etc would be really expensive. If you've got that much money to spunk and he wants an instagram-worthy experience, why not go a bit more far-flung like Sri Lanka or South America? He'd get his photos of toddler drinking milk from a coconut and paddling in a carved out kayak but you wouldn't have to do all that inter-railing. Have to say, though I lstill ike your idea of Cornwall much better.

It’s the kind of thing we would have done before kids and enjoyed.

With a 20 month old? Total nightmare.

All my toddlers ever wanted to do on holiday was potter in a (preferably not too hot) beach. A week in Spain/Portugal. Perfect.

A cruise was what I thought of too. Win win.

Does he actually know how hard it is looking after a toddler even under easy normal circumstances?
I'd start by having a lovely long weekend away by yourself. After all if a toddler is that easy to look after it won't be a problem will it?

The thing is, OP, if you do give in and agree, you'll then make loads of plans to mitigate the awfulness. You'll be the one researching child-friendly restaurants, routes, handy supermarkets, places to stop. You'll be the one carrying 12000 toys/agents of amusement so the toddler doesn't kick off. You'll be the one carrying the mental load. Then at the end when He sits back and smugs it up about how it wasn't that bad and see how wonderful life can be when you're as bohemian and flexible as Him, he simply won't believe you when you indignantly point out that it was all because YOU DID ALL THE FUCKING WORK, both before and during.

If you DO concede (and please don't), I suggest that you go against your better instincts and do the minimum of planning for accommodating your toddler. It will be hateful, and he will blame you for not planning enough bet you a quid, but at least you will have the data to show it was a really, really shit plan.

He blatantly wants to do this for his social media, not for happy memories or family time. We use to travel a bit e.g. all 3 Baltic States in a fortnight, including night trains and ferries locally. Great fun when child free, possibly fun with a child old enough to even remember it depending on their disposition. But there have been a few years of Eurocamp in Spain with a day in Barcelona and trips to local sights. When they're toddlers, whatever works for them is a good holiday for you.

It's a holiday, not a competition.

Its a mad itinery! He knows that Porto is nowhere near Slovenia?? You need much longer in those places anyway ( even if you just want to get some Instagram worthy photos!).The air miles/ carbon foot print is mad too.

A travelling holiday might not be terrible but this one is not well though out IMO! A map and a guide book might be better planning tools than Instagram?? Can he no just choose to do the Spain and Portugal bit this year? Then Vienna and Slovenia next year? Then when there is a sensible ammont of time then look again at the travel options. There is an amazing train journey from Vienna to Ljubljana. Yes it takes hours but its beautiful! Much easier with a toddler spending 8 hours on a train than 2 days in a car!

Ask him what does he intend to do with 1.5 days ( including transfer times ) in Vienna? Have any of you been before?

What is this trip all costing? Is it worth it for a quick slice of Sacher Torte and and tram ride around the Ringstrase?

Finally, I did a multi-stop fly drive trip in Europe (3 weeks, 3 locations and 4 flights) when my DCs were 18months and 3 and on the second leg of the flight our car seats and double buggy did not arrive. We had two more weeks in 2 different locations and had to hire/ manage without. Worth bearing in mind...