AIBU to think this holiday is too much?

[tootlepootleschmootle]

DH has planned a trip for this summer, wants to book flights before prices go up. I think flight times are silly with our DS, and too much in such a short amount of time. He thinks I'm BU and boring, should I just do it?

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this. Four days in Spain before flight to Porto. Half a day there and two hour train to Lisbon, two days there. Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days, before hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia, staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

I'd be happy with a week in Cornwall with DS. I'm happy to go somewhere more exciting, but can't help feel it's all a bit much, but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this, babies travel all the time, blah blah blah.

And he also sounds shit at planning holidays, train times etc.

Your dc would love a week in Cornwall.

Jeeze, I love trips like that, as an adult. But not with a kid that age! in fact not with kids at all!! And my kids have travelled around Asia with me.
Having such a small amount of time in each place and so many different forms of travel, is going to make a small child extremely cranky!

What is he thinking! Just say no. He can hardly force you on to those flights.

I would offer a compromise, perhaps a week in one place. Somewhere you can relax and keep little one in his routine. I would refuse to to go as that will be hell.

YANBU!
How did he come up with that hellish itinerary? Also really low blow saying you're not adventurous enough and shouldn't be together!

If my H suggested that holiday with a 20 month old, I'd tell him I'm not up for it.

The first flight time is not suitable with a baby IMO. My DH used to suggest crazy flight times when our DC were younger, mainly due to the cheaper prices, but I refused. I told him I'd rather not go...than travel at crazy times with young kids.

I love travelling but the joy if it is discovering new places - you’ll see almost nothing of Porto it Lisbon so why bother with travelling there?!? It’s daft.

Fewer stops (1-2) and longer stays

Holidays are for relaxing and enjoyable as far as I am concerned. With a small child that would be my idea of hell. What is the point. Who is going to enjoy that trip - not you and your child, that's for sure. No, just no.

I'm afraid your husband sounds like a dick.

There is absolutely no benefit to your son in this trip. None. There is no part of it designed to make him happy or in consideration of his comfort or enjoyment.

Or yours for that matter.

I'd suggest that your husband goes off on his insta-worthy trip all on his lonesome and lets you and your boy do something joyous and fun without all that ridiculously complicated itinerary.

I love travelling, and in my early twenties I went on a couple of similar trips with my then-boyfriend. There's still no way I would take small DC on a trip like that!

I also want my DC to experience different countries and cultures, and we prioritise travel over a lot of other things. However:

• Spending so little time in each place, you're not really going to "see" any of them
• A 20 month old won't be affected by or remember any of it
• Holidays are supposed to be enjoyable!

"He follows lots of Instagram travel families and I think likes the idea of our son having been to loads of countries at a young age"

Great if your son was 8 or 9 and old enough to actually remember any of it. At 20 months it's an absolutely ridiculous idea.

That’s just ridiculous and absolute selfish twat behaviour from your dh when you add in his comments. I do wonder if he takes enough responsibility for your ds to get it- does he ever do dinner bath bed solo? If not I suggest you start handing over some responsibility ASAP, he is his father after all.
We took ds to the states at 15mo, Seattle, drove to Yellowstone, 4 days driving around Yellowstone, dc, New York in two weeks. That was the limit for a child that age.
It’s just stupid. Places like Lisbon and Porto are ideally situated for a long weekend. One flight there and back, 2-3 days there. Take them out. Minimum 3 nights anywhere with a small child unless you have longer before or after to recoup- so could do 6 nights somewhere, then 2, then 4 say. That is still quite a lot of travel.

Small children are very easily pleased. Beach, dig holes, collect shells - amazing, trip into local town for ice cream - amazing, paddling pool - amazing. Making a daisy chain - amazing.

Why would he want DS to remember sitting in a car seat as his main holiday activity, when it could be playing on the beach?

I'd choose one of those destinations for a week, settle in, relax and enjoy yourselves doing simple little local things.

A rare unanimous aibu!

As a husband, father and a passionate traveller. I think the itinerary is extremely exhausting. I love travelling with my family and my toddler son. But I ensure the holiday is planned around my wife and child's need. I think it's rather poor from him to call you unadventurous. The planning and consideration is also very poor. Hope, he come to his senses.🤞🏻

I just read that itinerary out to DH - he said ‘why would you want to do that ANYWAY?’

Exactly what my husband said too.

That itinerary looks like an American trip where they are trying to cram ‘Europe’ Into one two week holiday. No-one sensible that lives in Europe would come up with that sort of trip unless they were a sadist. Even as a student I wouldn’t have done that much travelling in a short period and I did lots of multi- destination trips. You need at least 3 days in each location and some rest days to make it worthwhile and even then it can be hard going.

I had a lovely holiday with a 2 year old. She was happiest pottering by the pool, keeping to her normal routine and doing the odd trip. She would have been a nightmare on your trip and she was a particularly well-behaved toddler.

Was DH drunk when he suggested it?

Burn the passports.

I think likes the idea of our son having been to loads of countries at a young age.

How very selfish. It is of no benefit to him at all putting him through lots of disorienting and exhausting travelling so DH will have photos to say “wow. Aren’t I an amazing dad?” No, you Aren’t!! Put your your DS first FFS! You awful man.

I know my little boy could have an absolutely amazing time in Cornwall or Devon for a week- Ice cream, see the boats, try fish and chips, paddle in rock pools, use a little fishing net, see the arcades... but it's an absolute NO from DH as not adventurous enough

Your DH is an arse, your holiday idea is perfect!

but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this,

Yeah....if my DH had ever threatened me in this way my response would be “yep, you’re right, we shouldn’t. Go pack a bag” because my DC would come first and no way would I be threatened into doing something - like making a ridiculous trip which would be exhausting and of no benefit to DC- and let DH emotionally blackmail me into going through with it.

Has he been emotionally controlling in the past?

Two questions:

What does he think your DS is going to get out of this?

Why do you think that leaving you DH with your DS equals leaving your DS alone?

Have you booked a holiday after this one to recover?

Even without a child, that's a stupid itinerary, as you won't see anywhere properly. Vienna in two days? Spain four? Everyone of those places deserves vastly more time than you are giving it to actually see it anything like properly.

Can you point our to your DH that INSTAGRAM IS NOT REAL!!! It's a fantasy life people make up to make other people feel inadequate about their own lives (and sell stuff). Your DH is behaving like a naive teenager trying to keep up with the Virtual Jones.

That itinerary sounds awful even if you didnt have a toddler!!

But the thing that really stood out for me was your comment but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this. Is he usually a guilt-tripping, demanding, emotionally manipulative arsehole? Is he really suggesting divorce because you dont want to exhaust yourself and your son just so he can keep up with the instagram-joneses? He sounds like a prize bellend.

Totally pointless, more time spent travelling on airports, train stations and car hire queues than actually enjoying stuff and far too much time cooped up in a vehicle for a toddler. Babies are easily portable - we took DS on a 10 day lap of Iceland at 5 months old) toddlers are not. At 2.5 DS now limits us to a couple of hours a day in the car on a couple of days, the rest of the time he needs to be able to explore, play, swim etc.
My DH really wanted to repeat the Iceland driving adventure the following year with a driving holiday linking a couple of US national parks but fairly quickly agreed it wasn’t fair on DS, while we might be enjoying the scenery from the car he’d have been bored stupid.

@LarryGreysonsDoor I meant that I wouldn't want my DH and DS to go on holiday without me as I'd miss my little boy too much

If he's that desperate to go to lots of places could you do inter rail? You buy a train pass that covers several different countries and get to enjoy the scenery instead of driving

Adventurous hols great Idea BUT for who? The itinerary for DS is drag through airports & stations, sit down & be restrained while daddy tries to have a nice time while mummy trails behind him trying to keep the peace. Adventure for DS is exploring anything at HIS leisure, garden, sandpit, beach, zoo- he needs freedom to explore. Back out & tell DH to take his mates while you chill with DS - you know you can’t go it’ll be hideous for all of you