AIBU to think this holiday is too much?

[tootlepootleschmootle]

DH has planned a trip for this summer, wants to book flights before prices go up. I think flight times are silly with our DS, and too much in such a short amount of time. He thinks I'm BU and boring, should I just do it?

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this. Four days in Spain before flight to Porto. Half a day there and two hour train to Lisbon, two days there. Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days, before hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia, staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

I'd be happy with a week in Cornwall with DS. I'm happy to go somewhere more exciting, but can't help feel it's all a bit much, but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this, babies travel all the time, blah blah blah.

‘Instagram travel families’: what fresh hell is that?

‘He says we shouldn’t be together if i’m not up for this’: should he perhaps have thought of that before getting you pregnant? That would certainly be my response.

I love travelling, but those logistics are nuts.

Do you know what, that really is out of order for him to say that. I’d counter that with, be careful what you wish for or you might have the whole of the rest of your life to plan and take stupid ‘holidays’ that are nothing more than a tick box exercise to impress people on social media. What an utterly pointless thing to do!

The trouble with toddlers and travel is:
They like routine
They don't like strange room/beds
They can't sit still
They don't like strange food
They are dreadful in posh restaurants ( think pulling on the table cloth), bored with long meals, put their pudding on their head....
They don't like normal restaurants, running around, wriggling, grizzling, crying shouting
Not interested in museums, concerts, churches, galleries
They like running off, throwing pebbles, going onto dodgy balconies, falling into ponds, poohing at the most awkward moments
They are not patient, at all.
They don't like change.
They don't sleep when they are stressed.
They often need calopl,antibiotics, skin cream, nappies, teething relief etc.
They need lots of clean clothes, bibs, vests, trousers.
They get sunburnt easily, hate hats, hate sun cream.
Some even hate sand!
They stuff everything in their mouths except food that you just bought.
They want things they can't have.
They have essential toys, dummies, blankets that always get lost on 'holiday'
They have a five min attention span, except when you don't want them to do something.
They probably end up watching CBBs in any country.
They get tired and grumpy really easily
All they want is you.

This is not the time in DS's Young life to choose to go on a gruelling whistle stop tour of Europe, FFS.

He obviously doesn't spend much time with your little one!! NO sane parent would ever in a millions years think this was a good idea!!!

I read your itinerary out to my DH exact words were 'What a nightmare! What an arsehole!'

If I was you, I would pack his bloody bags for him and send him off by himself!! while you and your DS go away for a week, just to the two of you!!!!

I cannot imagine feeling attracted to a man who was swayed by Instagram families tbh.

I wouldn't want to do that much travelling as an adult, never mind with kids. They'll be constantly tired and grumpy.

Sorry not to rtft - we are v adventurous travellers with our children, long haul, city breaks, rural adventures, culture shock challenges, the lot.

But the itinerary suggested is just stupid, for a child-free couple much less a young family! So much time travelling instead of doing a place properly! And what a waste of air fares.

I would not do this trip if I was paid!!!! The toddler will be in meltdown / you will be stressed and exhuasted.

Minus a toddler I would do it if free but wouldn’t choose it myself.

Clearly there’s a compromise to be had - you could a spend a nice couple of weeks driving around one country. I disagree immensely with the posters who says that it’s not worth travelling with such a young child. If someone loves travel, there’s no need to put it on hold with young children if budget allows - it’s not as relaxing (understatement of the year) but exciting in other ways.

I don't understand why there is no middle ground between you two here--it has to be going to several countries that are nowhere near each other or a domestic holiday that one partner finds boring? Really? Can't you just choose one country, perhaps the most child friendly one, and go there?

There is no way I would enjoy that itinerary and I don't even have children. There isn't enough time in each place and it seems pointless to go all the way from Iberia to Vienna and Slovenia, I would pick one or the other and visit the countries missed in the future.

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this

Not a deal breaker

Four days in Spain before flight to Porto

Again fine

Then it gets silly

Half a day there (Porto)

So where is your luggage at this point and is there any point in venturing further than a cafe close to the station given that no sooner have you struggled with your cases into town than you will have to return.

hour train to Lisbon, two days there

What is the point of going to Porto and to Lisbon.

Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days

Again why bother. I have not been to Vienna but I think you need more time there. It is a beautiful city but would be completely lost on a 2 year old.

hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia

What is the point of staying in the AIRbnb it is only a 3-4 hour drive, you could do that with a couple of stops and be in Slovenia for the evening.
where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

You could have an extra day in Slovenia but would you want to? There is probably plenty to do for older children but for a 2 year old they are far happier with water and sand.

And why even does the return flight have to be such a pain.
Why not book a flight back to your departure airport.

I think this sounds more of an endurance test than a holiday

He does know that you don’t get stamps in your passport anymore?

Personally I would agree to the Spain bit and then stay there for the 10 days and if he wants to go gallivanting across Europe like some intrepid explorer then let him. You can get an Easy Jet home after and be more relaxed pottering in the beach with 2 year old than doing what effectively sounds like some treasure hunt type game show

@tootlepootleschmootle does he often threaten to end the marriage if you challenge him?

The complicated travel arrangements sound like the least of your problems

We have several Instagram mums at school. One went to some country just for the day to get her children into the 20+ countries bracket (and they all count stopovers as visits)!

I don’t think it is coincidence that these children are unsettled. They are whisked away at weekends and sometimes take time off school, for what? For photos on a site full of narcissistic trite. It’s not just “holidays” (these aren’t holidays really) it’s a photo opportunity life.

I think it’s telling that the only four children in the class who can’t yet read have the highest number of Instagram pictures between them.

And why even does the return flight have to be such a pain. Why not book a flight back to your departure airport.

It looks like he’s just chosen the cheapest flights/travel from place to place to get in as many countries as he can.

Is there someone at work he is trying to impress?

Not necessarily a potential affair, could be a colleague or a boss.

Is your DH Clark Griswold?

@nakedscientist has said it well.

Has your DH spent a whole day looking after your DS on his own recently? It sounds like he doesn’t understand toddlers at all.

What is the point of going to Porto and to Lisbon.

Many people would be upset to read this. They are very different cities.

YANBU your DH has a strange interpretation of "adventure". It doesn't just mean being uncomfortable and unhappy! 20 month old is not an easy age for all this bits of travel - a smaller baby would sleep lots and an older child can amuse themself. His itinerary makes no sense, unless it is to add more countries to a list?

There may be some sort of compromise between his idiocy and your week in Cornwall. Make him responsible for packing for your DC and see if that is enough of a challenge. Perhaps chose a destination where he could have activities every day, tell him how much DS will be inspired by seeing him hang-gliding, skydiving, swimming with sharks.

His threat to split up sounds like a good offer.

Even my DH says it sounds nightmarish. I completely agree.

Spend the time in Spain and/or Portugal. Very child friendly cultures. Split it between city and beach.

My DH asked if your husband is going through some kind of crisis?

It's completely unreasonable to expect a "holiday" like that with a 20month old.
We tried Spain with a hired car but it was hard work and my DS wouldn't sleep.
Next one was Center Parcs-2hr drive from home. It was perfect for us. Your idea of Cornwall is SO MUCH better for your DS.

My friend did this last year with 16 year old. We did Italy, Sorento and Naples. We met her there for a day.
She said it was exhausting and wishes she had just stayed in a couple of places. Wasn’t a holiday.
We often do two places for our hols, but always a train trip away.

Where does the 2 year old get to enjoy himself???

Ideal holiday: Beach and pool for kids, out for dinner and wine at night for adults, cold in buggy. Sit on balcony with drinks when child in bed. Bliss.

*child in buggy

The only reason to go to Porto I can see is that it is so they can pick up the train to Lisbon. They will spend that half a day getting from the airport to the station with all their bags and spend an hour or two in the station coffee shop and calming the baby. Why go to Porto just to do this? Because it's cheaper than going direct to Lisbon is what he'll say.