AIBU to think this holiday is too much?

[tootlepootleschmootle]

DH has planned a trip for this summer, wants to book flights before prices go up. I think flight times are silly with our DS, and too much in such a short amount of time. He thinks I'm BU and boring, should I just do it?

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this. Four days in Spain before flight to Porto. Half a day there and two hour train to Lisbon, two days there. Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days, before hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia, staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

I'd be happy with a week in Cornwall with DS. I'm happy to go somewhere more exciting, but can't help feel it's all a bit much, but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this, babies travel all the time, blah blah blah.

Crazy amount of travel with a 2 year old!

I'm another one saying do Slovenia on its own! Take a week or so and go and do it properly because it is a fantastic place! Ljubljana is a beautiful city, the train network is great and Lake Bled has to be seen to be believed. Recommend a visit to Postonja caves too.

If you want to experience any of those cities properly 2/3 days isn't going to cut it, sounds like you'll be rushing around them trying to pack in the major attractions and getting photo ops, you'll all be knackered!

He sounds like an idiot.

How will he react if you say you are not going and you do not agree to DS going?

In the next 7 weeks I will be in Europe, Africa and North America and I have already been on all 3 continents in the first 3 months of this year. I have done work trips where I have started on East Cost and done 5 states in 5 days, flying out of West Coast. I am used to exhausting travel. There is no way, I would do that holiday itenary with a toddler. No way!

I think this trip sounds exhausting even without kids! I work in travel and so may people want to "tick things off" that they cram so much in and end up mainly seeing trains and planes! This isn't a stealth boast but I've been to over 60 countries and travelled a lot. We also took DS to Asia for 6 weeks when he was 6 months, but as you say it's so much easier at that age. He's now 21 months and this year we are planning a week in Spain, going to Barcelona and Alicante to visit friends and then a week in Cornwall. I think you need to be realistic and book holidays you will all enjoy. There is also so much to think about, for example rooms, I dont want to try to get DS to sleep in the buggy every night so we try to always book rooms / air bnb with outdoor space if it's warm so that we can have a meal / drink outside in the evenings and if we can afford it a 2 bed air bnb so we have our own space. Once he's older we'll go on some more exciting trips but for now we just want to have a chance to do some relaxing at least! I think a lot of the insta travel family trips look very frantic and I bet there are a lot of difficult times that we don't see!

Ridiculous.
I travel a lot and often have 2 or 3 centre holidays but I don't have a 20 month child in tow.
Wouldn't want to do your DH's holiday with or without child - utterly pointless, you wouldn't see anything of most of the places and you'd be exhausted just travelling.
Tell him to rethink.

DH and I love, love, love holidays/travelling: we've visited 63 countries so far including Mongolia, Kyrgyzstan, Tibet, Bolivia, Cuba... so I think we fit your DH's profile of adventurous travellers.

DD (6) has been to all the places in your DH's list, BUT NOT ON THE SAME SHORT TRIP!! His trip just doesn't sound fun. You'll spend more time on transport than seeing places. With little ones, you need to balance interesting stuff for the adults (but still accessible to DC) along with sea/swimming. Also, easy food and limited transport.

From your itinerary, I'd pick out Portugal: we had an amazing trip there when DD was 2yo.

1. Spend 4-5 days in Lisbon. It's a really fun city, with wonderful food and a great vibe. There are fun things for your DS: the aquarium, electricity museum, also 2yo DD strangely loved Monastery of Jerónimos!

1. Go for at least a day trip (ideally overnight) to Sintra. Quinta da Regaleira is amazing, and lots of other interesting sites there too. Eat seafood at a seaside restaurant on your way there and back!

1. You could zip up to Porto for a couple of days if your DH is keen to see it. We didn't, because we had already been and it's a long drive.

1. After your culture hit, drive down to the Algarve (it's only a couple of hours on the motorway from Lisbon). Spend a few days relaxing, eating at little restaurants, and exploring all the wonderful beaches.

A perfect trip for the 10 days you've got, which should be fun for the whole family!

And you can plan the next few adventures for coming years:

1. Slovenia is indeed stunningly beautiful. We took DD last year when she was 5, and she enjoyed hiking, pony-trekking, and waterparks. In retrospect I'd wait until DC is 7 to be able to do the white water rafting, outdoor climbing etc too - it's a real outdoor adventure destination.

1. If you're looking for a big adventure to plan/look forward to, I'd recommendation Sri Lanka. We took DD when she was 3.5 - we hired a driver, and toured the country, and it was our best holiday ever (including pre-kids). But don't rush it: wait until at least 3/4 yo so DC can enjoy it. DD trekked up Sigiriya (partly on Daddy's shoulders!), snorkeled over coral reef (despite not being a swimmer yet!), rode an elephant, and still talks about it 3 years later...

There's no rush. You have many adventures to look forward to.

My reply to the we shouldn't be together comment would have been something along lines of not wanting to be with someone so selfish and thoughtless.

It's not doable with a child if you want to be a sane person at the end if it

All this for IG? Is your DH a teenage girl?

I think the flight times are the least of your problems.

Ug, this reminds me of a two week holiday i took in my student days around europe. My friends also wanted to see as much as possible so ever ended up planning a maximum of two nights anywhere and one night in some places.

we were visiting lots of capitals so very long train journeys between. my main memories of that holiday was,

packing/unpacking, rushing to and from stations, getting lost in new places looking for the hotel (not much time for the fun kind of getting lost) sitting on train floors, waiting for trains.

I think i the entire holiday we only went out for about three nights for drinks and food. It. was. shit and i wasted all my savings. i was 20. i now have a 14 month old and can only think this would mess him up and be utterly exhausting and boring for him as well as us.

Ps even without a child that itinery is crap - you don't get to enjoy any of it, too much travelling and passing through for the sake of it - perhaps 5 days in Spain and 5 days in Lisbon/Slovenia/Austria but otherwise is more like a box ticking exercise than a holiday

Tell DH you can do adventurous without being stupid crazy. Am I getting this right.... you'll be away basically a week, with all that travelling throughout? That aort of tracelling needs to be spaced out over weeks worth of time so you can get to relax and HOLIDAY in your destinations. That's just madness. Surely once you get to your holiday destination you want to unpack and relax, not lug everything from place to place, every other day. We're in Valencia at the moment with 2 young dc, we wanted to stay really central to do the big attractions (aquarium, zoo etc) and also wanted to stay near the beach, so we did 4 nights in the city, then moved down to the beach in an air bnb for 4 nights (we were going to get a taxi to the 2nd apartment, but decided to walk it in the end, only took an hour and as we only had hand luggage, just loaded it all up on the poor buggy, dc2 in buggy and dc1 sat on top of suitcases in the buggy board, She thought it was great!). 2.5 hr flight, and 15 min drive from Valencia airport, kept things nice and simple, but it's been plenty enough adventure with young kids in tow!

I understand the desire not to default to traditionally "family friendly" holidays. We've got a long haul trip with a fair bit of moving around planned for the summer with our will-be 20 month old, but thought carefully about making distances manageable, staying at least a few nights nights in each place, choosing the right flight times, accommodation in quiet areas with cooking/laundry facilities etc. And definitely no 2am starts!!!

Your DHs plan sounds horrific with a toddler. And he is BVVU throwing a strop and suggesting you break up because you won't agree to his idea.

Is there a compromise you could find? As a PP suggested, maybe Spain and Portugal? Or a little Italian road trip? Overseas, meeting his need to visit different places, but with (much!!) more thought to the likely needs of your toddler, choosing manageable times and distances etc.

As others have said, the trip is bonkers. You will literally spend more time at airports and on the way there than actually sightseeing and enjoying the destinations. Not to mention your DS, you yourself won't remember where you went!
As someone already said, if his aim is to tick as many countries as possible, go take a cruise.

That holiday doesn't sound remotely fun for anyone of any age. Why would you want to spend literally half your holiday in cars / trains / planes / airports?

I think you should take your ds for the holiday of your choice, whether in Cornwall or a nice resort in Spain. Send your dh off on his mad jaunt all over Europe. Then when you get back he can just photoshop your child into the pictures for Instagram

I do think @NotStayingIn has a point - your dh wants to paint s picture of him being adventurous and you being the boring one.

Could you appeal to his vanity and point out that even his Instagram audience are going to question the bonkers route he's taken? As many pp have said, it's an itinerary chosen by someone who's never looked st s map!

Also, show him this thread and how literally nobody thinks his idea would work

My children are older. I still wouldn’t do it. Not in a million years.

Has your DH any experience of travelling at all? I'm guessing not because that itinerary is horrendous, even without factoring in a 20mth old. I don't believe any seasoned traveller would come up with that.

Do you think he is looking at these IG accounts and thinking he's missed out on travelling now the baby is here so he's trying to prove he can do both? In any case his plan is idiotic and I really hope you can talk some sense into him. His trying to blackmail you saying you shouldn't be together if you don't go is awful and agree with pp that you need to slap this down immediately. He sounds very very immature and it's worrying that he is obviously not considering your sons welfare in this. Are you both very young?

If he wants to go abroad to new countries and experiences, and you prefer week in Cornwall then both of you need to compromise - can you do smaller version of his plan and long weekend in Cornwall?
I agree with everyone that his plan is crazy - imagine anything goes wrong like delays with planes, lost luggage etc. It's also at least 2 holidays as going to south and central Europe. All lovely places but really needs better planning.

That itinerary is all about the getting there and nothing about the being there.
Does he realise that your DS will need to nap and eat and play, so plane to car to hotel to car to plane will be done with a cranky, tired, overstimulated baby and a cross, frustrated, annoyed wife dealing with him.

Your holiday idea of Cornwall and all that goes with it sounds perfect. Book it and go with someone else!

YANBU. Can't you persuade him to do one area or the other? Spain and Portugal, or Austria and Slovenia? It sounds exhausting for two adults, never mind a 20 month old!

Wouldn't it be easier to do interrail/ self-drive holiday in Europe? Hit lots of places, but less stressful than the proposed itinerary?

That doesn't sound like a holiday, it sounds like your Dh's plan to make a series of "look at my well travelled family, we haven't let a baby stop us we are so cool " social media posts.

I love travelling and pre kids this would have been so fun. With a toddler, no fucking way. We just did a 3 hour flight with a 16 month old who is used to flying, but that last hour is painful. I would not then be dragging it out.

To me, ‘adventure’ doesn’t equate to ‘sitting in yet another mode of transport’. Could you counter his holiday with, say a two centred trip where you can do an adventurous thing? Eg Morocco - some time in Marrakesh (great for his insta shots ) and then down to the coast where you can all learn to surf (well not 20 m old obvs - think the surf would be too heavy). Or friends of mine found a place in France where they could do rock climbing safely attached to wires and water skiiing on a pulley around a lake so something like that plus a city visit?

This is a rare thing - a unanimous aibu. Even the seasoned travellers on this thread think your husband’s itinerary is madness. And as for his emotional blackmail/guilt tripping........words fail me.

Your child will gain nothing at such a young age from all this travelling and visiting so many countries. As you say as much pleasure will be got from a day out to your nearest beach.