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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think this holiday is too much?

554 replies

tootlepootleschmootle · 06/04/2019 22:32

DH has planned a trip for this summer, wants to book flights before prices go up. I think flight times are silly with our DS, and too much in such a short amount of time. He thinks I'm BU and boring, should I just do it?

Flight to Spain 5am, we would have to get 20mo DS up at 2am to do this. Four days in Spain before flight to Porto. Half a day there and two hour train to Lisbon, two days there. Fly to Vienna at 9pm for one and a half days, before hiring a car and driving half way to Slovenia, staying in air b n b, waking up and continuing drive to Slovenia where we stay for two days before flying home to airport far from our home, which gets in at 6pm, and then requires a four hour train (or 2 and a half hours if he can convince MIL to drop us at another station from the airport)

I'd be happy with a week in Cornwall with DS. I'm happy to go somewhere more exciting, but can't help feel it's all a bit much, but DH calling me boring and saying things like we shouldn't be together if I'm not up for things like this, babies travel all the time, blah blah blah.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 07/04/2019 08:29

Does he see his child only as some sort of photographic mascot?

That's a very different thing from thinking about the child's needs and wants and planning a holiday your son will enjoy and that you can both enjoy too.

Jumping straight to insults and saying maybe you shouldn't be together(!!) suggests he's very immature and not really committed to you or your son. He's thinking like an impatient single man and sees you two as encumberances he readily contemplates abandoning.

The nicest suggestion I can offer is that he needs to slow down and learn to see the wonder in small things (something your son can help with) and, grow up a bit.

Babygrey7 · 07/04/2019 08:29

Maybe he is right. Maybe you are not that compatible. Who wants to be married to insta-dad anyway?!

madeyemoodysmum · 07/04/2019 08:29

Bloody hell if he wants to see a lot in a gory time surely a cruise would be more suitable.
All these planes etc sound dreadful.

madeyemoodysmum · 07/04/2019 08:30

Short time. Hopefully not gory Grin

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 07/04/2019 08:31

I suggest booking your husband and DC a 6am flight to Dublin, to meet a bus to Belfast. collect a rental car in Belfast and drive back to Dublin, then boat to Hollyhead, and train home. You stay home.

If he still thinks travelling with a baby is the way forward after this relatively modest journey, you will review your holiday plans.

Indecisivelurcher · 07/04/2019 08:31

Just do Slovenia on its own. Its an absolute gem. And really easy to get around.

cees · 07/04/2019 08:32

Tell him there is absolutely no way you are doing that stupid trip, get angry if needs be but don't go. Your poor child being dragged around like an accessory just so your dh can boast about where he's been on holiday, that's pathetic.

RJnomore1 · 07/04/2019 08:32

Take your son to Cornwall and buy your husband a blue screen so he can create whatever insta photos he wants.

RJnomore1 · 07/04/2019 08:32

Or is it a green screen?

museumum · 07/04/2019 08:33

It’s a crap itinerary anyway.
Do either Spain and Portugal or Slovenia.
We did Slovenia driving from Venice whuch was much easier than Vienna.
I’m not a lying about person either and to me those holidays would be good. But not together!

alwaysreadthelabel · 07/04/2019 08:35

Tell him to book a med cruise. You can visit most of those places on a 2 week one. Sail from Southampton, enjoy it a lot more with a toddler.

HeyNannyNanny · 07/04/2019 08:36

I travel A LOT and I wouldn't touch that trip with a barge pole.
What's the point of spending so little time in one place? You'll end up spending the majority of your time in bed or on transport

burnoutbabe · 07/04/2019 08:36

I have done Europe cities, 7 in 2 weeks.
But I was on a nice Baltic cruise where each day we woke up in a nice new town for 8 hours of touring (if you fancied it) and then onto a new place.
That would be a compromise. Lots of day trips but no unpacking or flights beyond start and end.

KooMoo · 07/04/2019 08:36

I’d need an holiday after that trip Grin

NRFP

MummaGiles · 07/04/2019 08:36

We had 10 days in the canaries when DS was around that age. It was easily the hardest age to travel with him. He didn’t have his own seat on the plane but was the size of a 2 year old on our knee the whole time, and mobile and wriggly. It was uncomfortable and stressful for all involved. And he was at the age where he needed CONSTANT supervision and entertainment, and still needed a nap in the day that had to be built in to our plans. Your DH’s plan would be a firm no from me.

bmbonanza · 07/04/2019 08:37

Not a holiday, more of an endurance trial- no thanks with or without small people!

Vagndidit · 07/04/2019 08:38

Has he ever looked at a map, Op? Cannot fathom anyone who would think Spain, Portugal and SLOVENIA together would make a great holiday. Even Americans who do their big "One Trip of a Lifetime" in "Europe" wouldn't lump Slovenia in with those other destinations. No offense to Slovenia, of course...

Stickmangate · 07/04/2019 08:38

Sooty if this has already been said. But have your tried actually writing out a time table so if your flight out is 5am what time would you be landing add an hour to get out of the airport. The how long is the transfer to your accommodation? You say you have 4 days in Spain but are then flying to Porto. I think it will be more like 3 1/2 as due to time you need to get to the airport etc.

And don’t forget you will need to factor in time to feed dc too. And the half day in Porto where will your luggage be?

Maybe if you list it all out then Dh might see how mad it all is and how little time you will be getting in each place.

I imagine that by the time you have got out of the airport in Porto you will need to find somewhere to eat for Ds and then it will be time for you to go to the train station! Even without kids it sounds like to much rushing around and never really getting to see anywhere.

ALannisterInDebt · 07/04/2019 08:38

Your DH needs to chill the fuck out.

That holiday is not designed with a toddlers enjoyment in mind, being a parent means making certain sacrifices for your DC. How selfish of him (I'm guessing he's not a very hands in dad otherwise he'd be more sympathetic to your DS needs)

NotStayingIn · 07/04/2019 08:39

Has he deliberately put together this ridiculous itinerary knowing you will say no?

He then gets to wallow in his ‘I’m so so adventurous but my boring wife is holding me back’ narrative.

Not sure but feels like there is something more going on here. It’s like he wants to blame you for him finding his life dull now.

Fruitsaladjelly · 07/04/2019 08:39

I hate lots of moving around and re packing with kids, it’s so bloody stressful, the kids don’t enjoy it, nor take anything in as the travelling part just becomes dominant. Your Cornwall idea sounds much better for that age OR really go travelling, hire a big camper van and drift across Europe at a pace that suits everyone, really giving the children the opportunity to absorb the surroundings. I’ve done the sort of itinerary he has suggested as an adult and it has limited cultural value, it is more of a box ticking exercise, the children will find it utterly overwhelming, absorb nothing, all so daddy can project a particular image to the world. Social media doesn’t equal reality.

Mememeplease · 07/04/2019 08:41

Hire a camper van and tour round in that?

lottiegarbanzo · 07/04/2019 08:42

Thing is, you can just say no.

Keep saying no until he comes back with an idea you like. (By all means make suggestions but he sounds like the type who has to have 'the idea' himself).

TheInvestigator · 07/04/2019 08:48

I'm like you're husband. I love travelling. When I had my kids we still went on holiday but simply couldn't do what we had before because it was unfair on them. They don't understand that getting on yet another plane means they go somewhere fun again... it's just a constant slog to them and they are grumpy and crabby and it's horrible.

Just tell him you're not doing it and that you can all do it when son is older. I waited. Mine and are now 5 and 7 and I'm a lone parent so I'm the only adult going with them but we are now able to travel. This year were doing Cambodia for adventure then the Maldives for a week of relaxation. Later in the year we're going to Africa on a safari and we do short breaks in Europe during bank holidays etc. We have a big map up in the hall and we put pins into everywhere we go and the kids being home a little vial of sand or pebbles from whichever country we are in.

It's great fun because they are old enough to talk about it, play, choose what they want to see and remember it. And they understand the travel is boring bit but it gets you there. Tell him you want to do all the things he does too, but not right now because it's stupid!

Dumdedumdedum · 07/04/2019 08:48

If you were back-packing students on a long summer vac, that would be fine, I suppose, though I don't understand why you need to travel from one side of Europe to the other in one holiday without enjoying the countries in between, anyway! But as parents with a small child, it's a ridiculous thing to attempt. Your DH will have to wait till your child is older and able to enjoy the travelling.

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