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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be disappointed in husband

103 replies

Pondlife87 · 06/04/2019 15:29

Hello everyone
So i am 34 weeks pregnant and was doing pretty well until the last 2 weeks when my feet have started swelling terribly, my hips constantly ache, and as baby is currently back to back I have back pain.
I have a pretty active job (I work in a hospital) and because of the last two weeks I have asked my boss if I reduce the amount of manual handling I have to do which has been agreed.
My husband is aware of all of the above and is verbally very supportive, even saying if they weren't willing to let me be less manual then I should take early mat leave.
Anyway, the last 2 weeks he has been giving me lifts to work when he can, as where I park my car is a 25 minute walk to work. The walk there is ok, but getting back I end up with a lot of hip pain the following day as I've over exerted myself.
He is a teacher and has the next 2 weeks off. Last night he said 'i will give you a lift once a week, as I want to make the most of my lie ins'.
AIBU to be upset? I feel he is being selfish to not try and help me more if I need it....but I'm more upset that I feel he has given limited thought to me. I would never expect a lift every day, but to cap it and not consider my needs just feels hurtful. But i am aware of my hormones and that i probably have a huge empathy bias towards myself.
Should i mention it or just let it go?

OP posts:

Tink2007 · 06/04/2019 15:31

No. He is being selfish.

I understand he wants his lie ins but he helped make the baby and the pregnancy is causing you pain. However he would be happy to allow that pain because he wants a lie in?

Tell him to give his head a wobble and remind him there is no such thing as a lie in once a newborn arrives.

Stormwhale · 06/04/2019 15:32

Yanbu at all. Not in the slightest. Tell him what a selfish dick he is!

Calzone · 06/04/2019 15:32

No
Don’t let it go.

That’s outrageous.

Tell him you need a lift every day and he can go back to bed later.

I would not be impressed
.

Calzone · 06/04/2019 15:33

I really don’t think anyone will say you are being unreasonable.

Lifeisabeach09 · 06/04/2019 15:34

I'd be disappointed too.
He comes across as a selfish prick. He should be going above and beyond as you are 1) pregnant with his child 2) suffering physically.

Your health should trump his lie ins.

Furrydogmum · 06/04/2019 15:34

It does sound selfish.. Tell him you'll park up then get a taxi the rest of the way in and out on the days he won't take you!

Meandwinealone · 06/04/2019 15:35

What does he think will happen with lie ins when the baby comes.
And he could go back to bed straight away

Aquamarine1029 · 06/04/2019 15:37

I sincerely hope this isn't a prelude as to how he will be after the baby comes. What a selfish prick. I would NOT let this go.

BabyBadger2 · 06/04/2019 15:38

Is he aware how bad the pain is?

Sexnotgender · 06/04/2019 15:41

YANBU! That is very selfish.

He’s got all day to laze about or go back to bed if he wants.

His VERY PREGNANT AND IN PAIN wife should come before a lie in.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 06/04/2019 15:41

Hasn't he got the whole day to rest? To be honest I think it's disgusting that he's got the chance to help you and turning it down to rest at his preferred time, a decent person wouldn't be able to enjoy their lie in knowing you were in pain and struggling!

Have you tried any yoga or osteopathy at all? I had such bad pain the first pregnancy that I literally seized up at work one day, my joints had swollen so much I ended up having to be carried to a taxi to get home. The second time I did pregnancy yoga and it helped my movement a lot.

Is there any other way you can get to work from your car - taxi, bike, scooter, anything

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 06/04/2019 15:42

Are you going to challenge him OP?

reallybadinterview · 06/04/2019 15:43

You're dealing with pain while carrying his baby! Selfish git.

jameswong · 06/04/2019 15:44

Yanbu

justasking111 · 06/04/2019 15:44

Tell him you will need a taxi in the mornings then. Boy is he in for a shock when baby arrives

Name7 · 06/04/2019 15:51

When my husband broke his arm and I was pregnant, I had to give up my lie ins during my holiday for 2 weeks. I’m also a teacher and was exhausted. I just got home and went back to bed for the first few days. He is being very selfish.

Original poster

Pondlife87 · 06/04/2019 15:59

Thank you everyone. I'm so worried about not being in check with my own emotions because of these damn hormones I never know whether I am overreacting or not.
After all your replies I will def bring it up. His reason initially (which i forgot to include) was 'i want to make the most of my lie ins before baby arrives. So I hope thqt means he is realistic about how things will be, but I admit this behaviour/ thought process worries me about how things will be.
He GENERALLY speaking is supportive if i ask for help, but as I'm rubbish at asking for help i sometimes wish he would offer to help without being asked. But i can't expect him read minds i guess. Will update you with response if anyone is interested. Thanks again for confirming I'm not a loon haha.

OP posts:

Mielabel · 06/04/2019 16:04

You are right to be upset. But there's a possibility that, if you are rubbish at asking for help, you may have been underplaying how you're feeling. He may have even said that to you to see your reaction- to see if it matters or not, and to gauge how you're feeling. If you are acting as if it's ok he might think it's really ok.

Make sure you know you've communicated how bad this is, otherwise you don't know if he's being selfish or if he just doesn't understand what's going on and how you are really feeling.

Bippertyboo2 · 06/04/2019 16:04

I hope you get a positive outcome from your conversation. Remind him that it's his baby you are growing and carrying around 24/7. Hopefully he'll realise what a dick he is being and take you to work every day. If not I suggest you show him this unanimous thread, good luck.

Stormwhale · 06/04/2019 16:05

Definitely not a loon. I would really hope that if you calmly point out how selfish his behaviour is, he will see the light. If not, well you have big problems really.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 06/04/2019 16:06

YANBU and that comment makes him a selfish twat. You are carrying his child and you are in pain. He should want to do everything that he can to help you and make you comfortable.

I would pull him up on this immediately. If he still refuses then book taxis to work and he can pay for them.

Chillyegg · 06/04/2019 16:09

What a dick! So your at hospital saving people’s lives and he can’t drive you to work and help the mother of his child..

WorriedMum11 · 06/04/2019 16:11

This man teaches our children?! Jeez - good luck OP! Rise up!!! Tell him what it’s going to be like - cos no point him getting his lie ins! He needs to support you. He also made your baby.

You are not being ‘hormonal’ and I hate it when women blame their hormones cos how you feel is real!!!

CalamityJune · 06/04/2019 16:11

I would have gone mad at that. He can bloody well go back to bed if he wants with a coffee and a paper once you're slogging yourself round work. He needs to pick you up and drop you off every time he is available to do so.

corythatwas · 06/04/2019 16:20

Have you had those swollen ankles checked out? Iirc they could be a sign of pre-eclampsia.

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