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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed in husband

103 replies

Pondlife87 · 06/04/2019 15:29

Hello everyone
So i am 34 weeks pregnant and was doing pretty well until the last 2 weeks when my feet have started swelling terribly, my hips constantly ache, and as baby is currently back to back I have back pain.
I have a pretty active job (I work in a hospital) and because of the last two weeks I have asked my boss if I reduce the amount of manual handling I have to do which has been agreed.
My husband is aware of all of the above and is verbally very supportive, even saying if they weren't willing to let me be less manual then I should take early mat leave.
Anyway, the last 2 weeks he has been giving me lifts to work when he can, as where I park my car is a 25 minute walk to work. The walk there is ok, but getting back I end up with a lot of hip pain the following day as I've over exerted myself.
He is a teacher and has the next 2 weeks off. Last night he said 'i will give you a lift once a week, as I want to make the most of my lie ins'.
AIBU to be upset? I feel he is being selfish to not try and help me more if I need it....but I'm more upset that I feel he has given limited thought to me. I would never expect a lift every day, but to cap it and not consider my needs just feels hurtful. But i am aware of my hormones and that i probably have a huge empathy bias towards myself.
Should i mention it or just let it go?

OP posts:
SoftSheen · 06/04/2019 16:25

Get a taxi instead, if he even thinks about complaining about the wasted money then he won't have a leg to stand on.

sandi2019 · 06/04/2019 16:26

OMG.
I think I'd be tempted to leave a man who said that to me, OP.
That is selfish and hurtful.
He made the baby....as well as you......and so he needs to start realising that this means he will need to make adjustments.
I'm fuming on your behalf

Purplecatshopaholic · 06/04/2019 16:27

OMFG! He is a selfish individual. Get him told! If he is normally like this you are going to have big problems later!

WhereYouLeftIt · 06/04/2019 16:29

"He is a teacher and has the next 2 weeks off. Last night he said 'i will give you a lift once a week, as I want to make the most of my lie ins'. AIBU to be upset?"

Let me get this straight - he is prioritising having a lie-in over his wife suffering pain? That is it, isn't it?

He's being a selfish dick. What he SHOULD be doing is saying

'Sweetheart, I've got the next two weeks off, so I'll drive you in every day and pick you up at the end of the shift, and that way my two weeks off works for both us us. How does that sound?'

"He GENERALLY speaking is supportive if i ask for help, but as I'm rubbish at asking for help i sometimes wish he would offer to help without being asked. But i can't expect him read minds i guess."
And this is also a conversation you have to have. What you are asking for is CONSIDERATION, not the feckin' moon!

sollyfromsurrey · 06/04/2019 16:32

He has so much to learn. You are now parents....not actually of a baby yet but parents all the same. You are growing a baby. You don't get breaks from doing that, what makes him think he gets breaks from assisting???

Provincialbelle · 06/04/2019 16:33

Unthinkable with my DH - he never flagged once with 2 kids. Don’t get me wrong - he has his issues - but never, ever failed to be there for me (or the children) if we were pregnant / unwell / anything simply as a matter of course

LuckyLou7 · 06/04/2019 16:35

Wow, what a generous man, offering you a lift once a week.
He's being a selfish unreasonable twat and he needs to be told this.
Make the most of his lie-ins? Seriously? Tell him to fuck off and book a cab to and from work as suggested by pp.

Oly4 · 06/04/2019 16:39

He is being an arse and you need to tell him straight, as well as tell him he should spend some of the next two weeks thinking how he’s going to step up to the plate once the baby arrives.
Our first never slept and my DH stayed up way past midnight then got up very early every day before work to take the baby.
Your DH needs to get a grip

jcq17 · 06/04/2019 16:39

How unbelievably selfish is he!!

Drum2018 · 06/04/2019 16:44

He's a selfish twat.

RomanyQueen1 · 06/04/2019 16:47

how selfish, he's got a shock coming to him when he has to parent. Grin

Amongstthetallgrass · 06/04/2019 16:48

Either you haven’t told him how bad you feel or he doesn’t give a shit how you feel.

FrozenMargarita17 · 06/04/2019 16:51

That's so bad! I would be raging!

Thehop · 06/04/2019 16:52

“Me getting a lie in is more important than you being in pain”

What a gem.

Xenadog · 06/04/2019 16:59

Tell him from me, a fellow teacher, that he is being a selfish prick. Yes he probably is exhausted after the spring term but you know what? Now is the time he shows you the type of man he is. At the moment he comes across as selfish and pretty horrible.

He has two weeks away from school (I’m Guessing he isn’t going in to teach any revision classes?) so has plenty of time for rest. In fact, I think I would be giving him a list of things he needs to get sorted in his two weeks off and the least he could do is pick you up and take you in to work.

Do get the swollen ankles checked out as well.

recklessgran · 06/04/2019 17:05

Bastard. I'd say fine, I'll be getting a taxi then. No way, just no way would I put up with that. Definitely not being unreasonable OP - he's a selfish prick who needs to step up. He's in for a big shock soon OP.. Bless your heart, I hope you're O.K.

Cantthinkofausername1990 · 06/04/2019 17:08

Very selfish behaviour. If he was that bothered about the amount of sleep he's getting, he should drop you off to work and then go back home to bed for an hour.

miaCara · 06/04/2019 17:12

To get to my work I need to get a bus which takes a 10 minute walk from home to the bus stop. The bus drops me off right at the door of my work but takes about 20 minutes.
When he was off work for a few days my DH got up with me and took me to work to save me the 10 minute walk plus the slow bus ride in.

I am not pregnant and don't have an exacting job but he just wanted to help me a little . Thats what good Dhs do.

StarTheGirl · 06/04/2019 17:14

Yanbu. He sounds selfish and a bit lazy. All the best with the chat op Flowers. The end of pregnancy can be horrible.

Ellie56 · 06/04/2019 17:16

What a selfish twat he is OP. Tell him you expect to be given lifts to and from work while he is off and to get his arse into gear.

Oh and leave him a list of jobs to do while you are out working. He can do them in between any school work he is presumably doing.

Bodicea · 06/04/2019 17:22

Just out of interest op why do you have to park your car 25 minutes away from work? Are their parking issues at your hospital. Can you ask work for a temporary car park pass on site? If not perhaps you have a case with her that you can finish early on medical grounds are they are not providing adequate changes for your pregnancy. Surely if you have to have lighter duties you shouldn’t be expected to walk 25 minutes.
I too work in a clinical job and I wish I had been more assertive in my own pregnancy. I just took early May leave at my own expense as I couldn’t manage the work load anymore and they made no changes for me. Nobody thanked me for it. The NHS really doesn’t look after its staff if it can get away with it.

Bodicea · 06/04/2019 17:23

hr and mat . Blinking typos!!!

HeadfirstForHalos · 06/04/2019 17:24

What a selfish, lazy prick! He can drive you in and go back to bed after if he so desperately needs his beauty sleep, but lounging around in bed while his heavily pregnant wife is struggling and in pain is awful.

I hope he's just having a brainless moment and listens to you.

Loopytiles · 06/04/2019 17:26

YANBU. His pre baby rest is of much lower priority than your health.

I learned the hard way to prioritise and care for my health and wellbeing.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 06/04/2019 17:26

He. Said. WHAAAAAAATTTTT??????? Angry

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