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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if we don't have the same dad.

145 replies

BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 14:26

Just got the results from my Ancestry DNA kit.
My brother did his a while ago, he has come up in my details as close family/first cousin.
We have a 1535 Match of centimorgans or whatever it's called. This does not look good does it?

OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 06/04/2019 15:14

Sorry x post just seen you’ve replied to meandwine

No budding Sherlock in the family then!

Potatonose · 06/04/2019 15:17

I think ancestry have a helpline or contact option to go over situations like this.

Orchidflower1 · 06/04/2019 15:17

Tbh op it really depends on your desire to open a potential can of worms versus your desire to wonder. As a pp said it depends on how you’d feel if you wanted questioned answered after your parents have gone.

Either way I think you need to absorb things and think around them fully before you proceed- those worms will never go back in the can once they are out! Do you have a partner or a very close and trusted friend you could talk it through in rl?

Meandwinealone · 06/04/2019 15:17

Very odd that different people decided to come up with the same gift idea...
I don’t know anyone who has been given one.
Has he done his?

fecketyfeck21 · 06/04/2019 15:18

someone i know did this test on ancestry hoping to find some interesting / exotic connections,she lives in south london so what did she get ? a 2nd cousin in croydon Grin

cranstonmanor · 06/04/2019 15:19

Was it a family member who gave the gift?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 06/04/2019 15:19

Did you see the article on the BBC? People on there have looked at their paternal cousin’s tests to see whether they are related or not. Obviously if you have no DNA in common with your paternal cousins then your Dad is someone other than who you thought.

How much are you willing to rock the boat though? You won’t be able to put the genie back in the bottle.

fecketyfeck21 · 06/04/2019 15:19

mean is it possible someone knows something and is possibly stirring the pot ?

junebirthdaygirl · 06/04/2019 15:20

Was a book on this recently where a lady in America found her dad wasn't her real that by doing one of those tests. Not much help as can't remember name of book but it was shocking for her and huge fall out ensued.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 06/04/2019 15:22

@PleaseEmployMe I thought the same. If mother has genes A and B, and father has C and D, it's theoretically possible that sibling 1 inherits A and D and sibling 2 B and C thereby sharing no genetic material. Presumably the same likelihood that they would both inherit A and C and be genetically identical. Extremely unlikely, but possible.

Belenus · 06/04/2019 15:23

I thought theoretically it is possible for a brother and sister to be completely genetically unrelated. Incredibly unlikely though!

I think they would at least share mitochondrial DNA but otherwise yes, siblings can theoretically be quite far apart. Each cell in your body (with some exceptions) contains 46 chromosomes, half inherited from you mother, half from your father. Two siblings could each inherit completely different chromosomes. It's statistically more likely that they'll have half the genetic material in common but there will be outliers on either side - either more genetically similar or less.

So the OP and her brother may be full siblings but just not have many chromosomes in common. Or the test may be unreliable or just that it's not designed to do what you're asking of it. You would want to look for other clues e.g. two red-haired parents won't, unless something very odd is happening, have a brown-haired child. (Although parents with brown hair can have a red-haired child).

WeeMadArthur · 06/04/2019 15:24

I had mine done and they later updated my results (to refine ethnic areas) as they are refining their data all the time. DM did hers and it did flag up that we had a mother/daughter relationship. Any chance of you getting one for someone on your Dads side as a present OP?

Raspberry10 · 06/04/2019 15:32

DNA painter dnapainter.com/tools/sharedcmv4 puts you solidly in half siblings. For relationships the Ancestry test is pretty solid (ethnicity is a pile of crap).

Do you have any 1st -3rd Cousin matches who would give you a clue? Any names standing out that should or shouldn’t be there? Build up a family tree with everyone you can find for about 3-4 generations and then you start getting clues.

This is a great FB group that might help you out www.facebook.com/groups/DNADetectives/

Pharlapwasthebest · 06/04/2019 15:44

So, was thinking of doing this for dh as he was adopted, is it worth it then?

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 15:45

We have second cousins in common in my mum's side, then my db has a list of names that come up on his list, that don't come up on mine. I have a shorter list that doesn't come up on his.
It was the shared thing that concerned me Raspberry.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 06/04/2019 15:47

Very odd that different people decided to come up with the same gift idea...
I don’t know anyone who has been given one

I’ve bought these for two separate people as gifts! People I know are interested in this sort of thing. Not that odd!

AnnieOH1 · 06/04/2019 15:49

There is a difference between what tests are offered to men and women. I can't recall the exact reasons but I would urge you to look into this. From memory (rusty though it may be) this is perfectly feasible from the type of tests they conduct and for you to be full siblings.

user1481840227 · 06/04/2019 15:51

Awwlookatthebabyspider, the knowledge may only be dangerous for the people who want the secret kept!
For other people it's very important to find this stuff out, there could be a man out there who has a deep suspicion or knowledge that he has a son or daughter out there, the truth could come out eventually another way!
I don't think it's fair that this kind of stuff is hidden when someone could potentially miss out on a hugely important relationship.

I'm saying this as someone who found out at around 20 that I had an older half sibliing, we have no relationship now but I think it's right that people have the opportunity to get to know their family!

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 15:55

It's only by luck/fate then that my dh hasn't found a closer match on his stats, given the interest these kits generate.

OP posts:
SkintAsASkintThing · 06/04/2019 15:56

I've often wondered if my sister is related to us at all.

She isn't anything like us, we're all tall and pale skinned........she looks mixed race and is tiny. .......she's even had racist abuse from idiots.

I know genes can be a funny thing and can throw a curve ball from ancestors from time to time but she has a funny story around her birth. She was taken away as she wasn't breathing and needed to be worked on. I remember my mum saying she kept asking to see her baby but wasn't allowed for almost a week.

This was in the 60s so very different to how things are done now....,.I can't help but wonder if something happened to my mum's baby and she was given a baby that was due to be adopted or something.

Yes, it sounds stupid and conspiracy theory ISH but let's face it. Strange things happened then. Babies would be swapped about or brought up by family members. All very different to how things are now.

Raspberry10 · 06/04/2019 15:56

Ok, do any of those people have family trees connected to their accounts? Look at their trees, so second cousins would put you as sharing great grandparents.

So do the Ancestry free trial I think it’s for 7 days, and start a hidden tree here’s how support.ancestry.co.uk/s/article/Family-Tree-Privacy

Then build a tree for the family you know/think you have. Go back to Great Great Grandparents and put every family member you can possibly find for each generation, kids, grandkids etc. Then either the people from your brothers matches will match those people or yours will.

It’s how I found who my real granddad was as Nan wasn’t entirely truthful!

DM me if you need a hand, I know how overwhelming it can feel.

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 16:03

Our closest match we have together is a second cousin, then it's a couple of third cousins before we have separate matches.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 16:03

Appreciate your help Raspberry.

OP posts:
Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 16:06

Sorry tell a lie, we share one second cousin then my brother has 3rd cousins i dont, then we have separated 4th cousins.

OP posts:
Raspberry10 · 06/04/2019 16:15

4th cousins are harder because there is a 50% chance you won’t share any DNA with them anyway because the relationship is so distant. So to start with ignore them. Definitely concentrate on 3rd Cousins and verify if you can who that 2nd Cousin is and how they are related to you. Probably via your Mum I’m guessing. They will be a good measure of who and who isn’t related via your Mum.

If you click on the 2nd Cousin, there should be a tab in the middle half way down that says ‘Shared Matches’ click on that and see if anyone else matches them - that will rule out a bunch of other Cousin matches which will save you time.