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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if we don't have the same dad.

145 replies

BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 14:26

Just got the results from my Ancestry DNA kit.
My brother did his a while ago, he has come up in my details as close family/first cousin.
We have a 1535 Match of centimorgans or whatever it's called. This does not look good does it?

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miaCara · 06/04/2019 14:46

While I have had my dna tested and have found lots of relatives via Gedcom I am aware that it isnt a fool proof test.
I wouldnt start asking awkward questions just yet though. And I definitely wouldnt say anything to your Dad as theres nothing to be gained from this and a lot you can all lose. Its not news as such just speculation at present.

bridgetreilly · 06/04/2019 14:46

Ancestry DNA tests are NOT paternity tests. Seriously. If you have any other reason to doubt whether you and your brother share the same father AND you want to find out, you would need to do a different test. You absolutely can't draw any conclusion from this test result, either that you do or don't share a father. This is no basis to make any accusation or even have doubts, tbh.

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 14:47

We look completely different, but so do lots of siblings i suppose.
I am aware of a previous affair.

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Awwlookatmybabyspider · 06/04/2019 14:50

This is exactly why I don't like these sorts of things. They wake up too many ghosts that were quite happy sleeping. Ignorance really is bliss. Knowledge is dangerous.

sirmione16 · 06/04/2019 14:50

I agree with a pp - mention casually to your mum you're thinking of doing it out of curiosity and that your brothers previously done one - you'll know by how she reacts

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 14:51

I would never just go and tell my dad.
My brother may well remember I am expecting my results back soon.

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Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 14:52

It was a gift, I would never have bothered.
I look exotic, my dh thought Salma Hayek might be my sister Grin

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AWishForWingsThatWork · 06/04/2019 14:54

Plenty of matches in my mum's side, shared family etc, not a bloody thing on my dad's

This makes me think you need to talk to your mum. Perhaps with your brother.

CrotchGoblin · 06/04/2019 14:56

Oh dear. You say your relationship with your mum is strained. How strained, is it possible to meet her for a coffee and bring it up? Obviously it's not going to be an easy conversation, but it seems that is the way to get answers without upsetting your dad and brother.

When your brother did his, did he get any matches on the paternal side?

YetAnotherThing · 06/04/2019 14:56

Check your settings on the app to make sure that your brother doesn’t discover you as a half sibling either

PregnantSea · 06/04/2019 14:56

Those tests are not reliable so don't go jumping to conclusions just based on this. However I would certainly be suspicious and it would make me want to do some digging...

Dippypippy1980 · 06/04/2019 14:58

No matter how difficult, you need to have this conversation now. It will be a question hanigning over you for the rest of your life - ask now while your mum is still around.

SaskiaRembrandt · 06/04/2019 14:58

They are not nonsense.
They are very good

If they are so good why are identical twins getting different results, or the same person who has repeated the test?

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 14:59

I don't know how much notice he took, his was also a gift so he was a bit meh.
Just briefly mentioned ethnicities in his DNA but I don't think he looked much closer than that.

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PleaseEmployMe · 06/04/2019 15:02

I thought theoretically it is possible for a brother and sister to be completely genetically unrelated. Incredibly unlikely though!

VickyEadie · 06/04/2019 15:03

If commercial DNA tests were genuinely "nonsense" they'd throw up no relationship to a person's sibling at all, wouldn't they?

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 15:05

Exactly, we have a link, just not what I was expecting.

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SaskiaRembrandt · 06/04/2019 15:06

Just briefly mentioned ethnicities in his DNA but I don't think he looked much closer than that.

That's the thing, they are designed to locate ethnic groups, but they do that by analysing the DNA within a region, and as more people are tested, the results are changed and redefined. So a test two years ago and a test now on the same person will give different results because the number of samples from that region has grown. In your case, your brother was tested before you, so his results will be interpreted differently to yours because there will now be a greater number of samples.

They are not paternity tests, that is not what they are looking for.

VladmirsPoutine · 06/04/2019 15:07

Why don't you just present what you have found and talk to her about it?.. Yes your relationship might be fraught but what's the alternative? To sit on it and wait for what exactly?

If you can live with it, and indeed the subsequent 30-page thread, that will soon be on tenterhooks to learn the outcome then all the best to you.

Meandwinealone · 06/04/2019 15:08

He got the same gift? Who gave it

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 15:09

But surely we would have a large shared DNA percentage?

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Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 15:10

Different gift givers so nobody trying to start something.

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Smelborp · 06/04/2019 15:10

I think if you want to know you have to ask her while she’s still around.

Are your parents together? I guess if they are it makes it more difficult.

Orchidflower1 · 06/04/2019 15:13

That’s an interesting pointmeandwine.
Has someone been trying to “help” you find / not find something by purchasing them. It’s an unusual gift unless someone has exoressed an interest in researching their family tree.

Original poster
BrotherlyLove · 06/04/2019 15:14

Yes parents together.
Live 100 miles from me so I can't just nip round.
I appreciate everyone 's advice though of course it's so contradictory (what was I thinking?) Smile

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