To wonder what working parents are meant to do in school holidays?

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

DD1 starts school in September. DP and I both work because we can't afford for either one of us to be off. I have applied for part time but my work have been spectacularly backward and refused point blank, which is a whole other thread. I am looking for another job but work in a very specific field in a very specific industry so it's not looking likely that I'll get something, much less part time.
DD1 school have a before and after school club which is over subscribed so she won't get in for the first year. We have scrabbled around and managed to cover the week with GPs and a childminder.
So on to the holidays. DD1 will have 13 weeks off school a year. Between us, me and DP will have just under 10 weeks holiday. AIBU to think that if the govt wants parents (particularly mothers) to work then there needs to be better holiday provision? I'm not blindingly sure what working parents are expected to do after 3pm every day and for the 13 weeks children are off in the year. At the moment all our holiday days will be spent covering time off school and we won't be able to have a holiday together as a family.

My eldest in now in Y5. Covering school holidays is a constant nightmare. In Sept, DS will move up to middle school, which has different holidays to the first school he and dd are currently at.

DH and I take very little leave together. Swap days with other parents. School holiday club. Sports clubs. Grovel DM to have them for a few days (she lives 6 hrs drive away). Bank hols obvs. Very occassional working from home to accommodate clubs which only run 10am-3pm.

All this on top of fighting for leave with other parents I work with.

I'm talking here about degree level professions too. Not low income careers.

I think there's some evidence that men in low income families actually do more childcare than professional men. Both parents working opposite shifts etc to reduce the need for paid childcare. Whereas Mr Professional Man has a fartoobusyandimportantcareerto actuallylookafterhischildren.

More women, if in a relationship, need to make their oh shoulder more childcare responsibility.

How do we do that without negatively impacting both people's careers? Also often people can't afford to let the higher wage earners work part time. There is also the issue of people on higher wages working futher way from home. Someone who works 1h or so away cannot so easily drop everything and pick up a child compared to someone working 10 mins away. A lower wage earner loosing 20 mins per day is more affordable than their higher paid partner loosing 2 hours per day.

Kpo58 - generally speaking people marrying those at a similar level to themselves- doctors marry doctors etc you only then get the pay gap by one party being forced into a lower paid role by home duties. Or choosing a more family friendly path, not pushing for promotions etc. maybe if everyone did their share there would be less disparities between the sexes

Well that's the thing kpo.
You cannot expect to have a fabulous career and only work school hours and get school holidays off can you.
Something has to give.
So the logical and fair answer is to make sure your partner is equally accountable for as much child care as you are, assuming you are a woman.
It's highly likely that parents will split up,fact, so protect yourself and carry on working.
The fact is its better for both parents to have a career in the long run so it's logical for both parents to work similar hours.
Not necessarily better for children but better for parents if you split up.
By that I mean you are foolish to sacrifice your career, become a sham and let your husband progress to a level at work which means he hardly ever sees the dc and doesn't pull his weight with them.

The days of couples staying happily married forever have ended.
Women need to protect their future and if that means both parents don't progress to be working all hours then so be it.

Lol laughing at the one with 'why even have summer holidays'. I do not begrudge the kids or the teachers the holidays whatsoever!!! We all had long summer hols n we never did a tap of extra school work in them now we want our kids to go all year round?!

I imagine summer holidays where you do long ours in clubs don't feel like much of a break for some kids

I agree, there is a fault in the whole school v holiday system. It's outdated, in the majority of families both parents work. Children don't need to help with harvest anymore. But, the whole school holidays and before and after care is a huge money spinner. It's employment for many people....
So I can't see anything changing soon.

PS we solved the issue with shift work...

Mine loved their holiday clubs - chance to play with friends all day and loads of activities. They did sports, art and music holiday clubs - depending upon their age and interests. DS loved loads of football matches and DD went to Wimbledon for the day with the tennis holiday club. The weeks they did a music holiday club improved their technique and they enjoyed the orchestra they formed.

I'm guessing some do and some don't. I was an intoverted child who was rubbish at sport and would have found weeks of full days in holiday clubs a bit much. I think we underestimate how some people need down time and sometimes modern life seems to cram too much in

How do we do that without negatively impacting both people's careers?

Well it does impact on both careers, and you miss out on promotion due to lack of commitment. But tbh we're better off with both of us on 50k and financially independent than if we'd put all our eggs into one career and that person earned 80 for example. There is also less risk if one person gets made redundant/ gets sick etc than relying on one salary.

There is a real mindset amongst many that the man earning ££££ is more important than anything else. To me that's massively sexist and outdated.

I think it’s always worth pointing out the fact that childcare provision varies greatly depending on where you live.

My school offers no wrap round care and there are very few childminders. There are virtually no summer clubs and actually most of them are in a different town - adding to travel time when it’s already not a full days care.
It just isn’t a level playing field.

@SnuggyBuggy - luckily mine loved holiday club and ultimately they didn’t have a choice. DH and I work full time and we don’t have family living in the UK. Our friends also work full time so no opportunity to ask them to look after DC’s.

I think when they’ve been used to child care from day one it’s alot easier. We had nannies and au pairs because we had so many kids it was the best option but now the older ones have grown and poor DS is faced with holiday club at aged 9 it’s not thrilling, he’d rather be at school

I can remember crying on many occasions because of this problem. No GP's or family to help.
Long school holidays as private education. Cobbled together various school clubs, leave and local teenagers with the odd few days of them going to my cleaners (which they loved)
DD has done care of primary age children in school holidays recently for a local family
It is v hard. Heartfelt sympathy

Hi OP. If you PM me with your area I can see if have any info to help. Sometimes holiday schemes don't get advertised as they don't need to spend the money to fill up. But have some friends in the 'industry' who seem to know lots and have helped friends of mine in the past to find support.
Having kids is a learning curve and yes I do feel a teeny bit envious of the wonderful maternity leave and pay available now but am very glad it is available. Bring a working mum is tough.

I have a friend who employs a university student each summer for childcare. She wasn't able to find a childminder who would just do holidays (obviously lots of them have their own kids in the summer too!), but the students are happy to just do summer work.

Obviously she makes sure she gets to know them in advance, vets them etc, and they get to know her kids. I think she has a friend who works somewhere in the uni who is able to recommend reliable people. Her kids are old enough to not need constant care, basically just someone to keep an eye on them, deal with falls, make lunch etc, so a student can do all of that easily enough. She's had some really good ones.

Could you find someone like that, OP, maybe shared with another family nearby to split the cost?

I don't think its unreasonable for the system to work with working parents. It wouldn't actually harm the employers at all, but create a loyal workforce ,if you were the employer with a fantastic nursery attached. You could recruit the best of the best.
Short sited empolyers, short sited goverment, and an individualistic society. It's not really working is it?

Before someone goes and suggest longer school hours, I'd say we need less working hours. It's proven people are more productive, but we still want people as wage slaves.
Better childcare availability, better wages to pay for such facilities. But someone has to pay for all this. But Oh, shame all those shareholders want maximum return .

After school clubs and holiday clubs. Or take a massive pay cut by getting a term time only job.

I haven't got anything extra to add. DCs are now 12.5 and 15, we used the usual combinations of pt hours, holiday clubs (PGL does "long days"), GPs. Later they stayed with relatives. DH did his full share and we had 5 years of borh earning a shade under 50K (very tax efficient, kept CHB). Since DC1 went to secondary school we have both been ft and combined income is closer to 200K. I just wanted to say it is worth it, the quality of life we can offer the dcs is so much better than it would be if we had gone down to one income.
Also we had a terrific housekeeper with her own child who was happy to do some holiday care (bonus of a clean house). I think the phrase is a "nanny-house keeper"

@Tada19 I agree - employers have generally been fairly inflexible for years, but they would get a happier, more loyal staff if they worked with employees to find a solution that works.

As a single parent I rely on breakfast club/after school club and a childminder to cover the holidays that I don’t have off work.... pretty standard I suppose!

To be honest it is something you have to think about when you have children and work. Through choice or not . It is your child and therefore your responsibility

My mum used to put us in summer club and basically work for nothing in holidays. Me and partner currently work opposite shifts and hopefully continue that.