You're 'barely pregnant'

[Habbs]

Had a 1 to 1 in work, all fine really but they said though the quality of my work is the same I am working a bit slower than usual. I explained I'm struggling to concentrate as hard as usual, I'm 24 weeks pregnant and that's probably something to do with it. My manager literally scoffed and said "I don't think we can go blaming that, you're barely pregnant!"

AIBU to be annoyed? I'm 6 months pregnant, twice the size I normally am, I've got awful sciatica and my legs cramp sitting at my desk for too long so need to stretch my legs more often. I'm also constantly weeing. These things do take time out of the working day. I definitely don't feel barely pregnant.

For all the contrarians on the thread:

1. He didn't ask her what her symptoms (relevant to work) were, he told her and got it wrong.

2. Pregnancy is not an illness but many women suffer ill-health during pregnancy. That ill-health is real, has symptoms specific to the woman and reasonable accommodation needs to be made - just as would be the case if someone broke their ankle, or was recovering from an operation.

But you know, a good case could be made for not employing people who take part in skiing, rugby or horse riding. They're forever getting injured in ways that affect their ability to work.

They should recognise it's a self-inflicted lifestyle choice and just get on with it but many of the selfish, broken-legged, broken-collarboned, concussed fuckers are selfish bastards, either determined to bring down the reputation of their entire class, or just so self-absorbed they care even less for their co-hobbyists than they do for their employers.

You've got to agree it would be totally understandable for employers to ask probing questions about hobbies and just to look carefully at interview and be wary of anyone too fit-looking and possibly with a winter tan.

It's actually very thoughtful of him to provide a paper trail for his unlawful discriminatory behaviour. Makes plausible deniability somewhat harder, that.

Really sorry you have to deal with the idiot.

He's an idiot. Hopefully HR will pull him up.

Whether we like it or not/choose to accept it or not pregnancy is an inconvenience to employers and colleagues and we are very well protected legally during pregnancy already x

We are at the moment because of various EU laws. Once we leave then they can be rescinded back to what they used to be like and there's not a lot we can do about it!

C8H10N4O2 Fri 05-Apr-19 11:41:18
Don't discuss further with the manager, take your written account of the discussion and the document he has written to HR.

Express your concern that assumptions are being made relating to your pregnancy which will result in a poor performance rating. Also that you feel unsupported and stressed from the person who should be managing the situation.

Its important to document the whole process, both for other women's sakes and also anticipating the idiot is still in place when you return.

This^^

OP
You are perfectly correct in your appreciation of the situation:
He mentioned that I'm meeting all deadlines and my quality of work is still high, but there's less work being logged on my daily sheets. I mentioned that I'm struggling to do as much per day for various pregnancy related reasons, painful sciatica/leg cramps/headaches etc. He said I was barely pregnant and pregnancy wasn't an excuse, in his follow up email he said we need to get on top of it before 'baby brain' kicks in. He didn't imply that I'm struggling due to pregnancy, he implied that it's unrelated and needs to be kicked before I'm 'pregnant enough' for it to actually be an excuse.

I've reported it to HR as somebody needs to politely point out to him that I'm not 'barely pregnant' and that certain adjustments may have to be made, and that there may be certain changes. When I am having to take more time away from my desk than normal in order (to prevent headaches, to stretch my legs to ease the sciatica etc) of course slightly less might be done per day

His clear implication is that you are a lazy arse taking the piss.

@gairytoes yeah l think some women think because they had it easy conceiving / being pregnant / giving birth then other women do. It’s very much a personal thing
My ex SIL had this off her midwife while giving birth. No sure how she listened to all of the “it wasn’t like for me’s”.... Infuriating at the best of times particularly in labour and from a professional person

Good look OP. Good on you for reporting this to HR. The guys is a joke and can’t do stuff like this

Look = luck

What does your boss want you to do? Have an abortion? I think many employers would love to have control over their employees bodies.

HR should be involved.

If you're spending a lot of time away from your desk (stretching your legs due to your sciatica, and your 'constant weeing' you mentioned) then of course your productivity is down. How much less of your day are you working than usual?! He's perfectly within his rights to bring that up.

I've previously worked with a smoker who took regular fag breaks during the day, as well as full lunch break. He stayed an hour after everyone else did though to make his hours up..

Obviously not comparing smoking to pregnancy, and agree he shouldn't have referenced 'baby brain' (particularly in writing, idiot!) but I would be surprised if my lack of productivity wasn't mentioned in a one to one in your situation op.

When baby brain kicks in?

He needs a kick in the balls

I was exhausted and felt awful with constant nausea when I was “barely pregnant”. From about 6 weeks. As for baby brain this starts in the first trimester. You are growing a baby. Your body is going through changes, which although completely natural do cause internal trauma and drain your resources. Hormones also have an effect.

Posted too soon. Not that he should be talking about baby brain. Twat. Clearly he couldn’t give 2 shits abut your welfare. Just productivity.

You're paid to do a job, not be pregnant. That was your choice. I don't know why businesses should be expected to put up with all this pregnancy crap, and then there's the wanting to work p/t afterwards, have time off to go to assemblies etc. Having children is a big commitment and it is not your employer's place to be interested in that part of your life, just how well you do your job.

As you can tell, I am no women's libber or feminist. Being equal in the workplace, to me, shouldn't mean having extra allowances made. That's not equality. You can all slag me off all you like, I won't bother to come back and read the negative comments. This is my personal opinion and it's just as valid as any other.

I felt worst during my first trimester and this is not uncommon, when according to this person you're hardly pregnant at all.

What a pillock and it's out of line.

In some ways he was being the opposite of discriminatory though as he didn't say her slowness at work was because of her pregnancy.

Insensitive- yes
Discrimination- no

Some odd comments here.

If a woman has morning sickness - what is she meant to do? Vomit all over her desk or go to the loo?

Women are legally entitled to paid time off for maternity appointments too.

Quizqueen is obviously a goady fucker. Entitled to it’s opinion but the law still stands!

Seems some on the thread think women should choose -

Either have children

Or have a career

We have to fit into a mans world built for mens comfort, and if we don't fit we must leave. That's not any way to run a society.#

Most women have children, still. It's hardly a weird niche choice. And, men want children. They wouldn't be very pleased if all the women said fuck it let's not do it any more. While men can't bear children, and bearing in mind that they want them, it seems out of line to ignore the very facts of biology that mean we can have them.

Men at my work are always having time out with sports injuries, this is quite standard. No-one bats an eyelid.

Out of line, discriminatory and illegal. Show his e mail to HR and tell them how completely unacceptable and upsetting you find it and ask them about your options for making a formal complaint (you don’t have to pursue that if they are happy to deal with him for you but it’s an option). It might be worth you getting some external advice too. Check to see if you bank offers free legal advice (I know this sounds odd but if you have an account you pay a monthly charge for then you might have this service....I used mine for some advice on a work issue when I was pregnant and it was really helpful), or try citizens advice. Good luck and please don’t listen to the trolls on here who tell you anything else but how completely wrong this is!!!!

At 24 weeks you’re pregnant enough to give birth to a baby now that (all other things being equal) would be resuscitated at birth and viewed by doctors as having a reasonable chance of survival. Your manager needs a talking to.

Quizqueen works with children apparently - screwed if women stop having children then isn’t she!

Oh and remember - working mum = bad mother and bad employee! Stay at home mum? Scrounger. And she’s screwed if her partner ever leaves her.

Choose not to have children? Cold hearted, selfish career woman and the population will die out! I read that in a Daily Mail comment once. White, British women need to have more children to stop the invaders!

That was of course followed by a snide comment about working mothers not devoting themselves to the home and their children. And being disloyal employees.

🤷🏻‍♀️

"This pregnancy crap" is the reason you will still have Drs, dentists, shop workers, something to watch on telly and people working in care homes to wipe your bum when you're 80...

I think he is probably hoping to get this all on record now so they don't have to accept a flexible working request. It's the implication that now you are being lazy and later you will be lazy plus even slower due to pregnancy that is the issue.

I’m also 24 weeks pregnant and definitely not ‘barely’. Even my DH keeps saying how far on I am, even though we know there’s still a way to go. Stupid thing of him to say!