You're 'barely pregnant'

[Habbs]

Had a 1 to 1 in work, all fine really but they said though the quality of my work is the same I am working a bit slower than usual. I explained I'm struggling to concentrate as hard as usual, I'm 24 weeks pregnant and that's probably something to do with it. My manager literally scoffed and said "I don't think we can go blaming that, you're barely pregnant!"

AIBU to be annoyed? I'm 6 months pregnant, twice the size I normally am, I've got awful sciatica and my legs cramp sitting at my desk for too long so need to stretch my legs more often. I'm also constantly weeing. These things do take time out of the working day. I definitely don't feel barely pregnant.

straight to HR with everything.

It might be that he’s not actually as much of a tool as he’s coming across, just needs a bit of erm training on appropriate language and accommodation with pregnant employees.

Well done for sending to HR - please do let us know how you get on and congrats on the baby!!

It's a bit like how if you won the lottery you wouldn't send your best friend a postcard you'd make sure you went round with a bottle of champagne to get the reaction yourself. Well like that, but the opposite

Or like showing up to work after you'd finished the champagne and telling your Dboss to go fuck himself

I'm personally only 15 weeks today (with twins) and if someone said this to me, I would probably go on a murder spree.

So months of nausea and vomiting, acid reflux, extreme bloating and being gassy, blocked nose, overwhelming exhaustion, constant urge to pee, constant thirst, and now also feeling like my pelvis is coming apart, the occasional shooting pains in vag and butt hole, and my back is always in pain, all of that is "barely pregnant"??? Fuck this guy. Cannot even take pills for the pain because it's not good for the babies.

I even got more sympathetic for women who have abortions and while our twins are planned, I won't say I didn't have the thought as I've been so completely miserable.

Sometimes I just really fucking hate men.

Complain OP. For his own sake too, as he could end up murdered by a pregnant woman less calm than you.

Wow. The only time in my pregnancy when I was completely and utterly exhausted was when I was actually barely pregnant so his argument makes no sense at all?!?

What shit! in my experience I felt the absolute worst in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, when I was 'barely pregnant' exhausted, sick, dizzy, couldn't stomach anything but after 12 weeks I was fine.

@PoliticalBiscuit Our HR is outsourced so would couldn't go see them in person or I would of! Do feel I'm missing out on them seeing how 'barely pregnant' I look (I'm massive already )

No uterus no opinion!!

I even got more sympathetic for women who have abortions and while our twins are planned, I won't say I didn't have the thought as I've been so completely miserable.

I remember having a thought that I wished I would miscarry. I was so sick and had been puking for months losing huge amounts of weight. I couldn't keep down water. Then I had the hate and shame for myself for having the thought.

Hope it gets easier for you [unmumsnetty hugs]

What a bellend he is. I imagine this is going to come back and bite him on the arse.

wow, the manager is of the school of thought when every other fucker, but you, knows best anything about you!

Ha. DH chatting to BIL tonight and said that my boss had said I'm barely pregnant and how ridiculous it was and BIL went "I get what he means though. Shit doesn't get real until 30 weeks+"

Why do men think they can make sweeping statements about pregnancy when they know NOTHING ABOUT IT

I know what you mean OP, men really shouldn’t speak about pregnancy if they know nothing about it. ‘Shit’ is real all the way through pregnancy.

Well actually I don’t think I would complain, I would just put it down to not everyone can understand my situation. And I actually wouldn’t expect them to. Why? Because

1. It’s self inflicted, no one told you to get pregnant.
2. You shouldn’t let it get in the way of your work.

And 3. You shouldnt use it as an excuse

@Bananacloud oh well, it's a good job that U.K. employment law doesn't agree with you and does make concessions for pregnant women.

@Bananacloud Ah yes, of course, pregnant women should just get on with it and constantly be on the top of their game despite the many debilitating symptoms that can come with pregnancy. Who are we to complain that we've got such bad SPD we can barely walk, or such severe morning sickness we have to injections to be able to function.. we CHOSE this.

Habns your BiL is a prick too 🙄 gets eel at 30’weeks for whom? Not for the woman. I do dispair men sometimes.

I’m pregnant myself with twins, 19 weeks and feel like I’m full term but I just get on with it. If people don’t understand my situation I don’t mind. I don’t get any help with my workload and I still don’t mind.
I think I would just put it down to ignorance and move on.

Habbs
gets real

By saying “baby brain” , he LITERALLY implied the same thing you said- that due to ur pregnancy you are struggling to maintain the same level of work rate.

Reporting won’t do anything positive- even if HR sides with you, it will discourage men/employers to employ pregnant woman/ woman in child bearing ages.

either

• pregnant woman can work just as well as men / non-pregnant

Or

• pregnant women are affected by pregnancy and can’t work as well.

PICK ONE!

Good for you Habbs
Some people on here need to gen up on employment law.

@Bananacloud wait til you got your third trimester, if not before I'd bet you change your tune. I felt on top of the world at your stage, 33+ weeks and I don't now.

@lovinglifexo No, not at all. He mentioned that I'm meeting all deadlines and my quality of work is still high, but there's less work being logged on my daily sheets. I mentioned that I'm struggling to do as much per day for various pregnancy related reasons, painful sciatica/leg cramps/headaches etc. He said I was barely pregnant and pregnancy wasn't an excuse, in his follow up email he said we need to get on top of it before 'baby brain' kicks in. He didn't imply that I'm struggling due to pregnancy, he implied that it's unrelated and needs to be kicked before I'm 'pregnant enough' for it to actually be an excuse.

I've reported it to HR as somebody needs to politely point out to him that I'm not 'barely pregnant' and that certain adjustments may have to be made, and that there may be certain changes. When I am having to take more time away from my desk than normal in order (to prevent headaches, to stretch my legs to ease the sciatica etc) of course slightly less might be done per day. I'm trying, I'm honest about what work I complete, I was honest about my concerns. Reporting will do something positive if they agree that these are reasonable changes due to pregnancy rather than an issue with my performance. Reporting will do something positive if it ensures I keep my job by ensuring they're looking at the situation fairly rather than discriminating against someone who's pregnant and trying their best.

It's not just men who 'don't get it'. Plenty of women who've had babies 'don't get it' either. Rather than be grateful that they were never sick/tired/riddled with SPD some seem to think their pregnancy is the yardstick against which all pregnancies should be measured.

@gairytoes

YES!