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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You're 'barely pregnant'

181 replies

Habbs · 05/04/2019 10:10

Had a 1 to 1 in work, all fine really but they said though the quality of my work is the same I am working a bit slower than usual. I explained I'm struggling to concentrate as hard as usual, I'm 24 weeks pregnant and that's probably something to do with it. My manager literally scoffed and said "I don't think we can go blaming that, you're barely pregnant!"

AIBU to be annoyed? I'm 6 months pregnant, twice the size I normally am, I've got awful sciatica and my legs cramp sitting at my desk for too long so need to stretch my legs more often. I'm also constantly weeing. These things do take time out of the working day. I definitely don't feel barely pregnant.

OP posts:
GregoryPeckingDuck · 05/04/2019 11:11

Next time give him a very comprehensive list of everything that is troubling you and ask him if he would go to work if he felt that way and why he expects you to just because you’re a pregnant woman. Pregnancy is fucking difficult. What an arse.

scratchbass · 05/04/2019 11:11

Omg the "baby brain" comment.

I've had to say something to someone at work who used that statement and I asked them if they were trying to say pregnant working women are incompetent. That soon put an end to that nonsense!

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame · 05/04/2019 11:11

Jesus. 1979 called, they want their office manager back. What a bellend.

Stompythedinosaur · 05/04/2019 11:12

Wow, that is very offensive, and also illegal discrimination! Can't believe he had the gall to put it in writing! Def take it to HR or his manager.

Haffdonga · 05/04/2019 11:13

Ah - so you are obviously only as pregnant as your boss deems you to be, probably based on his limited observation of your waist size.

Seriously, I'd write him a polite email and copy in HR, detailing exactly what symptoms you are experiencing, how this is affecting you and the support you may need to allow you to keep on doing a good job.

Dear Twatboss
After our 1 to 1 yesterday, I have thought a little more about your comment that 'you are barely pregnant' and that this cant be an explanation for my work rate slightly slowing down recently. I appreciate that you are happy my work is as high quality as ever but I would like to explain some aspects of my pregnancy symptoms to you in order to ensure I'm able to keep working to my best standards.

  • my pregnancy has caused sciatica. This causes AB and C. I can usually relieve the symptoms for myself and continue to work by doing XY and Z. In order to allow me to keep working to high standards I would like to be supported in this by (e.g. being allowed to stand up and move around regularly, take a break in meetings, better chair)
  • I need to use the loo much more frequently than usual. I would be able to keep completing all my tasks to a high standard by ... (e.g. being allowed frequent breaks)
  • I find it more difficult to concentrate for long periods. I would like to be supported ...
In addition I have experienced 'morning' sickness several times through the day. I can frequently experience heartburn and may find that eating little and often through the day reduces these symptoms instead of taking one lunch break. I am sure you can understand why all these minor issues combined could have an affect on my work rate and I'd like to reassure you that I am doing everything I can to manage these and to keep working well. I am copying in HR as I know they will also want to be aware of the situation. I appreciate your support bla bla bla and very grateful for bla bla. Best wishes
lottiegarbanzo · 05/04/2019 11:15

I really wouldn't go into detail with him directly. He'll misunderstand and dismiss it. Use proper channels and processes. Be very professional.

ChicCroissant · 05/04/2019 11:16

Tbh, I would speak to HR about this even if it's just to stop him making similar comments over the next couple of months.

I'm not sure that your company will have a formal policy about working performance whilst pregnant, but if you need to invoke something formal the sciatica sounds the way to go (I know that shouldn't be necessary, but it may focus the manager's mind a bit more).

Noobcrumble · 05/04/2019 11:18

I know it’s already been said but had to post - what an arrogant, ignorant asshole - HR all the way x

ILoveMaxiBondi · 05/04/2019 11:18

Well we have written confirmation that he is thick as pig shit and he doesn’t even have “baby brain” to “blame it on”. Wink

How stupid is he to put that in writing?? Almost as if he has had zero managerial training whatsoever.

Noobcrumble · 05/04/2019 11:19

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame - brilliant Grin

IncrediblySadToo · 05/04/2019 11:21

😂🤣😂🤣 that stupid sod has pretty much just invited himself along to some deathly boring training sessions 🤣

How old is Captain Stupid?

Disfordarkchocolate · 05/04/2019 11:23

Another suggestion for taking HR and/or union advice here. He's made it far worse with that email, the nicest way of looking at this is that he needs some advice and training on the rights of pregnancy employees at work and how to avoid maternity discrimination. I had something similar from my manager with baby No.1 when my GP told me I had to stop work. She was massively apologetic when she got pregnant 6 months letter.

EchoCardioGran · 05/04/2019 11:32

Wow, what an arse.
Bang to rights with that email. Lovely that he is dickhead enough to put it all in writing for you. Keep a hard copy also.
Don't even discuss it with him ....HR and union if you are in one.
I'm all for his head on a plate. Metaphorically speaking of course Grin

BlueSkiesLies · 05/04/2019 11:33

I though you were going to say 6 days not 6 months!

That’s v pg!!!

floribunda18 · 05/04/2019 11:37

No such thing as "a bit pregnant". The worst symptoms can be right at the beginning.

CatkinToadflax · 05/04/2019 11:38

What an utter twattish buffoon.

My DS1 was born at 24 weeks. He's had one heck of a battle and has various disabilities as a result, but is now a very irritating at times 13 year old. I'd be happy to send him along to your office OP to meet Twatty Boss, as an example of barely pregnantishness? Grin

Purplecatshopaholic · 05/04/2019 11:40

Yeah, keep all his emails to you on this subject!

C8H10N4O2 · 05/04/2019 11:41

Don't discuss further with the manager, take your written account of the discussion and the document he has written to HR.

Express your concern that assumptions are being made relating to your pregnancy which will result in a poor performance rating. Also that you feel unsupported and stressed from the person who should be managing the situation.

Its important to document the whole process, both for other women's sakes and also anticipating the idiot is still in place when you return.

RedWineAllMine · 05/04/2019 11:41

He's not happy that you're pregnant and thinks your slacking, and doesn't accept pregnancy as a good reason to be slacking. Towards the end of my pregnancy I could barely walk, all my feet and ankles swelled, and around how far you are my knees started to swell and I started waddling.
He's a knob who is also discriminating against you and your pregnancy which isn't allowed. Report him immediately. He should try carrying a baby around n see how he "gets on". What a horrible man.

saraclara · 05/04/2019 11:45

So you're offended by baby brain, yet you were the one who told him you're finding it hard to concentrate?

Yes, his original comment was wrong, but we can't have it both ways. Your productivity is down because of your pregnancy. You want that to be understood. But at the same time, you (and most people here) are offended that someone thinks pregnant women aren't up to the job.

Of course pregnancy affects us, and in different ways for each of us. But I think we have to be careful not to dump on people (or get them into trouble officially) for actually recognising that, but wording it poorly. I thought that although his email was tactless, he was at least trying to accommodate you.

We can't have our cake and eat it, by moaning that the pregnancy means we can't work as efficiently, then getting angry when one of our bosses says we can't work as efficiently.

Ellie56 · 05/04/2019 11:46

What an uneducated discriminatory knob you have for a manager. I would definitely raise with HR.

MadameDD · 05/04/2019 11:51

I'd certainly complain to HR - what a dickish comment and he/she needs relevant training.

I'm on a temporary contract right now - but approx. 10 weeks pregnant and as my contract expires at start of May I've not bothered to tell anyone here apart from my line manager but it won't impact them anyway. My next role whether it be permanent/contract etc I'd tell them of course but any sort of discrimination like that I'd be off to HR like a shot.

gairytoes · 05/04/2019 11:51

I'm annoyed at this as it perpetuates the 'no big deal' attitude to pregnancy that seems to be de rigeur these days. Belittling crap.

MadameDD · 05/04/2019 11:54

Definitely forward that twattish email re 'baby brain' and winking emoji to HR, who the fuck does he think he is?

Letsnotusemyname · 05/04/2019 11:54

I think this chaps only experience of pregnancy was his own ie in his own mum’s tum. Everything was warm and cosy.

He doesn’t seem to do empathy or be well read. A bit of a mansplainer about him.

Is he an older man, younger?

All the best.

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