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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is an odd request from a new work colleague?

243 replies

Jellyhater · 04/04/2019 21:05

I work in residential care and have just employed a new member of staff. We discussed sleep-ins and she said that she would be able to do one a month on average but would try to be as flexible as possible.

She is now saying that sleep-ins are going to be a problem for her as the other member of staff on duty for that shift is male. He will be in another bedroom at the other end of the house if he is sleeping in, or will be working in the office/ laundry area if he is doing a waking night shift.

She has asked that I facilitate her husband being able to meet this particular member of staff to alleviate his anxieties about her being away from home. There are other men that work in the home, so any of them could cover this shift at any point - does the husband want to vet the whole staff team?!

I want to be a sarky cow and remind her that she had many weeks to tell me that this is going to cause problems but has chosen not to. I am feeling a bit frustrated that she thinks she can manipulate the roster to her benefit and that she is implying that the male staff are not trustworthy. I absolutely will not be arranging any meetings for the husband. A tiny part of me is concerned that this might be some kind of DV issue.

I've not been able to discuss this with anyone at work but AIBU to think she is probably going to be more trouble than she is worth?

OP posts:
IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 09/04/2019 11:26

Even if it was a religious requirement, are you supposed to excuse her from a big chunk of her job and as a result increase the workload of her colleagues because of it?
If she can't do the job for whatever reason , then she shouldn't lie at interview and agree to something she has no intention of doing. She should go for interviews at places where she can do the job.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2019 11:32

Honestly, I'd just end her employment. Of course you can't subject the Male staff to vetting by her husband. That's ludicrous.

If she is unable to do the role as agreed. Then end her employment. That's what probation is for.

NoCauseRebel · 09/04/2019 11:33

She’s taking the piss. She’s on probation so I would get rid tbh.

Regardless of her home situation that’s not your problem And we don’t even know there is a home situation, it’s possible that she’s made this request thinking that people will jump to that conclusion and feel sorry for her.

Original poster
Jellyhater · 09/04/2019 20:51

I met with her yesterday after taking HR advice.

She was sickly sweet and was adamant that she had said that she couldnt do sleep ins at interview (which is a fib!). She pulled out typed notes that she said she had taken during the interview (which she didn’t) and quoted back her version of our conversation. I did comment on this but she wouldn’t back down. I just moved the conversation on as she was going round in circles.

I did say that I was slightly concerned for her welfare after the request and she shut me down straight away with no further explanation.

She is being very clear that she will only sleep in in case of emergency and no-one else is available. I said that I didn’t think I could accommodate this but in the interest of fairness I would look. She said she might be able to reduce her contracted hours ‘if it makes things easier’ and I knew at that point that she was 100% playing me.

She was full of ‘sorry that you’ve misunderstood’ which I really don’t like and her attitude is patronising and I don’t like the way she questions me. She has to go!

Now to deal with my boss 🙄

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 09/04/2019 20:59

Ask her what her husband is was hoping to get out if the meeting?
Is she a rape survivor and the husband is being protective?
He won’t Actually spot a wrong ‘un by looking at them

SuperSara · 09/04/2019 21:00

Too right, OP. Get shot of her immediately!

Anyone who’s already being an utter pain in the arse so early on will only become even more of a pain in the arse in months and years to come.

And good to hear that you were having none of the request to let her H meet the male colleagues.

Just imagine the shit storm that would follow if you’d instructed male staff to meet this man and he’d assaulted them, as unlikely as that may be.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 09/04/2019 21:02

She is an out and out liar. Be very careful. I would document my own version of events with HR. There's no way I'd let this stand - you need to call her out on this straight away.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2019 21:03

Yes, just terminate. If it's like this in probabtion you'll be screwed after. It's less the sleep thing, it's the lying and thr attitude.she is indeed playing you.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2019 21:04

Id also not call her out. Just tell her she failed probabtion as her performance wasn't strong enough of something.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 09/04/2019 21:07

Has she signed a contract? If do, surely it had the terms of employment.

slipperywhensparticus · 09/04/2019 21:10

Unsatisfactory performance not the right fit for the team unsuited to the requirements of the role, all pretty flexible ways of legally telling her to fuck off and you dont even need a good reason she is on probation

SnapesGreasyHair · 09/04/2019 21:14

How utterly bizarre! Who else interviewed her with you?

I think she needs to go. If she can't fulfil her contractual obligations then it isn't fair on the staff or residents.

What happens if you agree to her request and other staff members want to drop the nights too, it will potentially open a whole can of worms.

Read up on disability and reasonable adjustments as this might be the next thing she says.... i.e she has a medical issue that prevents overnight work

slipperywhensparticus · 09/04/2019 21:15

Actually I would have lots of emergencies which no one else could possibly cover every weekend in fact but that's why I'm not the person in charge

GarthFunkel · 09/04/2019 21:16

How did she take typed notes during the interview? She's somewhat delusional isn't she.

Original poster
Jellyhater · 09/04/2019 21:20

Totally clued up disability and reasonable adjustments. That’s my area of expertise!

I have spoken to other person on the interview panel and she remembers her committing to one a month.

The whole situation is, quite frankly, bonkers and I can’t have someone like this working with vulnerable adults and disrupting the staff team.

OP posts:
BrightYellowDaffodil · 09/04/2019 21:23

If she's this manipulative and devious now, what on earth will she be like when she's got her feet under the table?!

I'd get shot of her now.

VampireSlayer19 · 09/04/2019 21:24

She must still be in probation if not been there long - you can easily let her go with no real reason other than it’s not working out and unfortunately her inflexibility will not be in keeping with the residents needs!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 09/04/2019 21:31

I'm just glad that you weren't alone when interviewing her, but the fact this is already getting worse comes as no surprise at all and the sickly sweet "sorry you misunderstood" is especially ominous

You're quite right that she'll have to go, but do be aware that her obvious pre-planning means she probably won't go quietly

TheweewitchRoz · 09/04/2019 23:11

She's very devious Op to outright lie about what happened at interview! Definitely get rid!

WearsABlackAndLongCoatWrong · 09/04/2019 23:42

D'yaknow... Right from the start (been following this thread since day 1) I thought "CF".

BUT when everyone else said "DV" I could see where they were coming from, and it DID sound like someone who was being controlled. I thought MN were being super-sensitive and so I didn't post my thoughts.

But... ner... She's a CF. Good if you've got another witness to the interview.

The job is the job is the job. If she doesn't want to do the job, then she isn't suitable for the job.
Best both you and she discover this sooner rather than later.

OffToBedhampton · 09/04/2019 23:50

Oh my goodness
Not only is she not a good employee or team player who will benefit staff team, she cannot or is unwilling to perform functions of the job spec / role- but she's also a manipulative liar!

When working with vulnerable people you cannot have someone who will falsify records.

That's not a DV issue (she hadn't disclosed anything like thst), she will be a liability to your service and residents.

OffToBedhampton · 09/04/2019 23:52

I hope probation is 3 months. Schedule her on for her Nightshift and have cover ready for when she doesn't turn up. Then dismiss her.

WellThisIsShit · 10/04/2019 08:59

Well isn’t she stupid?! If I’ve got this right then she’s revealed her hand before her probation has run out, which makes it very easy to get rid, no matter what types notes she’s fabricated.

Manipulative madam. Wave goodbye pronto.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 10/04/2019 09:56

So it’s changed from husband needs to meet them to I never said I’d do nights...?
Hmm

Also agree she played her hand too soon.
Get rid. Pronto.

YouTheCat · 10/04/2019 10:06

I know someone who uses 'sorry you misunderstood' a lot. They are an absolute nightmare to work with. They lie and gaslight and don't follow procedures then blame other people.

Use the probation period to get rid of this person. They will be more bother than they're worth.