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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School policy on facial hair for 12yo

181 replies

3at42 · 04/04/2019 15:30

Just wondering if others have had similar experiences.
I have been in a back and forth discussion with my sons school on his (limited) facial hair. He is mixed ethnicity, a bit of an early developer puberty wise, and has a noticeable light moustache as well as some hair on his chin. Multiple teachers have asked him to shave but when I checked the school dress code there is no mention of facial hair.
School have told me it’s their policy and they can’t make exceptions.
I think it’s OTT for 12,13,14 year olds - they are just kids going through a perfectly natural process of development.
According to the school I am the only parent that has ever had an issue with this policy,

AIBU?

My son is of course completely oblivious and doesn’t know what the fuss is about - but he also doesn’t want to shave.

It’s a private school if that makes a difference?

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 18:01

The State 🤣. Dear God...

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:03

soup you don't think the right to decide whether or not you shave is a more universal non-gender-specific right?

I mean my employer can't tell me to shave, apparently the armed forces will only tell you to shave under certain specific constraints...but schools should be able to set whatever arbitrary shaving policy they like (and then hide from people till after they've coughed up the cash)?

What happened to the idea of school preparing people for adult life? I mean okay at work I also don't have to ask permission to use the loo when I'm on my period, and I don't have to wear a uniform, and I don't have to put up with bullying, and I don't have to learn things in the same specific order and at the same time as a whole bunch of other people who aren't at the same developmental stage as me...but apart from that schools are definitely about preparing people for the world of work...hence their should be no facial hair policies.

ineedaholidaynow · 04/04/2019 18:05

I assume the school will amend its written policy soon

MockerstheFeManist · 04/04/2019 18:05

School uniform is for school, and on the way to school and home. When you get home, you can take it off.

Facial hair is a part of you. If it's clean and tidy, it's none of their fucking business, to use a legal term.

SoupDragon · 04/04/2019 18:06

soup you don't think the right to decide whether or not you shave is a more universal non-gender-specific right?

Eh? This is about facial hair only. Would the school insist a girl shaved any facial hair is the only direct comparison. You can't try to equate it to legs because no one is being asked to shave legs.

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:07

thegrey would you put up with an employer telling you you had to shave? If you wouldn't then why would you put up with your child being told to shave?

SoupDragon · 04/04/2019 18:08

Trying to make gender comparisons is pointless and irrelevant.

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:08

soup being forced to remove hair you don't want to is the question at hand. Where the hair is doesn't seem relevant to me.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 18:08

All this angst about the (human! Grin) right to sport a bit of bum fluff.

FriarTuck · 04/04/2019 18:08

We need to encourage our young people to be open minded and curious about things that matter - climate change, politics, preventative health....a bit of bum fluff shouldn’t even register
I'm not quite sure why young people can't be taught to be open-minded and curious about climate change etc. AND be expected to remove facial hair - I'm fairly sure you can shave and still be environmentally aware! I've certainly managed to shave my legs today as well as putting out the recycling....

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:09

Why is natural hair on your face different to natural hair on your legs?

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 18:09

On the contrary, it’s extremely relevant.

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:09

why tell people their natural hair isn't acceptable?

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:10

how is the location of the hair relevant?

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 18:10

Christ almighty! Look in the mirror and see if you can tell the difference between your face and your legs

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:11

did the whole body-confidence crisis in teens pass everyone else by?

Kaddm · 04/04/2019 18:11

I’m not sure of the problem. My son is light skinned with very dark hair. He was also an early developer and started shaving at 11yo. It takes a couple of mins. I don’t really understand why it’s a problem to you OP.

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:12

why does it make a difference whether it is my leg hair or facial hair that you deem unacceptable?

Either way it is you telling me that my hair is unacceptable.

Either way it is wrong.

HoraceCope · 04/04/2019 18:12

Pick your battles op

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:13

kadmm why is it a problem to tattoo someone against their will when some people get tattoos on purpose?

Just because one person wants to shave doesn't mean its okay to force people who don't want to shave to do so.

Surely that's obvious.

nannapat58 · 04/04/2019 18:13

My mixed race grandson has facial hair on lip n quiet prominent but he wouldn't shave his 9 !!!

RomanyQueen1 · 04/04/2019 18:14

Print a copy of their policy it should be on the website, then get in touch with your LA, MP and papers, telling them your school is making your ds shave.
Do it before they add it to their policy.

clairemcnam · 04/04/2019 18:15

I am against school uniforms and restrictive appearance policies. But I do not see the difference between no moustaches and beards, and no very short hair cuts. Both policies are relating to visible hair.

M3lon · 04/04/2019 18:15

I mean I know a woman who shaves her whole head...presumably that means you'd be fine with a school rule that says all women must have fully shaven heads (just the women obviously, because schools get to set sexist dress codes due to an exemption from the equalities act.)

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 18:15

Oh get a bloody grip, Romany. Honestly!