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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School policy on facial hair for 12yo

181 replies

3at42 · 04/04/2019 15:30

Just wondering if others have had similar experiences.
I have been in a back and forth discussion with my sons school on his (limited) facial hair. He is mixed ethnicity, a bit of an early developer puberty wise, and has a noticeable light moustache as well as some hair on his chin. Multiple teachers have asked him to shave but when I checked the school dress code there is no mention of facial hair.
School have told me it’s their policy and they can’t make exceptions.
I think it’s OTT for 12,13,14 year olds - they are just kids going through a perfectly natural process of development.
According to the school I am the only parent that has ever had an issue with this policy,

AIBU?

My son is of course completely oblivious and doesn’t know what the fuss is about - but he also doesn’t want to shave.

It’s a private school if that makes a difference?

OP posts:
recrudescence · 04/04/2019 16:46

Oh looks like I'm wrong about the army, they're not allowed beards.

Unless they’re a sergeant in The Royal Pioneer Corps. Or have a skin complaint.

prh47bridge · 04/04/2019 16:48

This is fascist nonsense and legally uninforcable

It is legally enforceable.

UNICEF guidance on the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states, "The Convention does not address such issues as school uniforms, dress codes, the singing of the national anthem or prayer in schools. It is up to governments and school officials in each country to determine whether, in the context of their society and existing laws, such matters infringe upon other rights protected by the Convention". The government in the UK has decided that school uniform codes do not impinge on the rights protected by the Convention.

The School Standards and Framework Act section 61 gives schools wide powers to set and enforce disciplinary rules, including rules relating to the school's uniform code. A school is legally entitled to exclude a pupil who persistently flouts the uniform code. So it is very much legally enforceable.

Whether having this as part of the uniform code is a good idea is another matter.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 16:48

What on earth is a global citizen?

GillianUsedToLiveHere · 04/04/2019 16:48

My son's best mate had a full beard at 12, the school said nothing. I am not lying, it was impressive! Very blonde too.

My friend's son at another school had a full dark beard at 14. Again nothing was said there either. Different MATs.

I would argue that it is the natural state for men to have hair and not in their policy.

howabout · 04/04/2019 16:48

Pretty sure this would fail a discrimination test even with a religious exemption. Nothing like banning beards for all the non-religious pupils to single out and "other" the religious ones.

(Same argument applies to skirts only policies for girls)

mathanxiety · 04/04/2019 16:48

Arabella
His ethnic heritage makes his facial hair more noticeable than the facial hair of boys of other ethnicities, so singling him out with the shaving request while paler individuals who also have facial hair are allowed to remain unshaven infringes his human rights.

nokidshere · 04/04/2019 16:53

Quite a few teens at my sons school had facial hair by yr 8/9 including my oldest. The policy was "neat and short" which seemed to be a good compromise.

HoraceCope · 04/04/2019 16:53

His shaving is his choice not his parents, I don't care that he is 12Shock

DGRossetti · 04/04/2019 16:53

How ridiculous, and how ridiculous for staff to be discouraged to have facial hair too!

Pretty sure Disney in the US had (if not has) a no face-fuzz policy. Also when Ross Perot (remember him ?) owned EDS it was "no facial hair if you want a job."

Maybe this school is looking to the future ?

mathanxiety · 04/04/2019 16:53

Is personal appearance (i.e. one's bodily appearance) the same as a uniform though?

A uniform code relates to clothes whereas body hair relates to the body.
Can a school ban afros? Afros beyond a certain size/length? Can a school insist on straightened hair for all? Can a school ban a traditional ethnic style like dreadlocks or braiding/cornrows/beading?

Some schools ban unnatural hair colours, and I can see how there is a line there as this is not a matter of the hair growing, or a style that suits hair's natural texture, or a style that will not damage hair.

Rottencooking · 04/04/2019 16:54

His choice is to have facial hair isn't it? And he's young enough for his mother to step in and defend him when the school are being twats.

Fortunately she does care.

HoraceCope · 04/04/2019 16:55

Let him make the choice op

Rottencooking · 04/04/2019 16:55

Maybe this school is looking to the future ?

I think you mean the past?

MachinicianMagician · 04/04/2019 16:57

DH and I both think the school is doing your son a favour. I'm sorry but facial hair when it first comes in looks horrible. Most secondary and high schools have a no facial hair policy, if your son's doesn't then it is probably because they dont often deal with boys who grow facial hair so soon and he is an outlier, hence why there is no official policy.

mathanxiety · 04/04/2019 17:00

DH has spoken. Listen up, women.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 17:01

Ffs math

ScreamingLadySutch · 04/04/2019 17:02

3at42

Generations of private school here.

Don't be a nightmare parent and don't listen to the right-on responses you are getting. Do you like the school? Is he happy? Is the education good?

So why are you going against the school? Work WITH them, not against them. Private schools are successful and you are investing in his future for a reason. The main reason is, discipline and the school being in charge.

You are not being a caring parent, you are confusing your child by being in conflict with the other influencing adults in his life (universal values). Just stop it and get him a bic. It is what all the other boys will be doing in a year's time. First time round in our family, Daddy made it a ritual and a manly bond, same as learning to tie black tie/carving. Other boys had their mum shave them first time - and it was still at prep school for a lot of them.

If you persist with this conflict, if the school has many applicants to places, you might be asked to take him elsewhere. This 'stand' of yours is really ill-advised.

mathanxiety · 04/04/2019 17:02

What facial hair looks like, in anyone's not-so-humble opinion, is neither here nor there.

If a school were to follow the principle of subjective opinion driving policy, would freckles be banned, or red hair, or acne?

M3lon · 04/04/2019 17:05

machin Ahh do you do a general service telling people what's best for them regarding their own hair? I mean do you only know better than other people's children about their facial hair, or would you also be telling me what I should do about my head/leg/armpit hair?

I mean its so confusing...no way anyone could work it out without your help!

Rottencooking · 04/04/2019 17:05

DH has spoken. Listen up, women.

Don't be an absolute twat. Save your faux feminism for when it's appropriate. This is nothing to do with it being her DHs opinion and you know it.

TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 04/04/2019 17:06

There’s probably already a regulation hair length, facial hair is just an extension of that. Nothing like zits.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/04/2019 17:06

Oh well,if dh says so!

Teens can look pretty crap in general as they grow into their looks, facial hair is no different - so what if it looks awful? some have it and some don't, it's not something to comment on let alone have a policy about!! Is there a policy on teenage spots, greasy hair too? Will girls be told to shave their legs?

M3lon · 04/04/2019 17:09

screaming I couldn't agree less.

The most important lesson anyone can teach their child is that their body is their own and that they should not tolerate others forcing them to change their body.

Of course many parents kick off this process with the diametrically opposite message that their child's body belongs to the parent and can therefore have whatever bits removed or punched holes in that they fancy...but that's a whole other thread.

wonderingsoul · 04/04/2019 17:10

My df is black and in the RAF and has a saving waifer due to the fact if he shaves to often he gets ingrown hair ALOT so he is allowed a beard/moustache but cant go beyond a certain length

If the military allow facial hair I dont see how a school cant.

Inwould argue they dknt actually have a policy.

And secondly it would cause a medical problem if he was clean shaven that hed rather not have to deal with.

iolaus · 04/04/2019 17:10

My 15 year old has facial hair - I'd rather he shave it off, he doesn't want to so hasn't (I don't see it as a hill to die on for me, same as I'd rather his hair was shorter) - the school have never said anything