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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who was in the wrong here.

77 replies

Freddiesfling · 04/04/2019 15:14

I’m a mum of 4, I took my youngest daughter who’s 3 to a cafe with a small enclosed soft play area. I went to get a coffee which was in the same room.. literally yards away and I noticed a older lady giving me daggers though I thought it was my imagination.. I could see my daughter happily playing so carrying on ordering our drinks ( mine and my daughters).. I then saw this lady enter the soft play area... I paid for my drink, turned around and this lady was carrying my daughter over to me, she then handed her over with a comment about how she had watched the Madeleine Mccann documentary yesterday and you can never be too careful ... I was too shocked to say anything.. I could see my daughter at all times and the play area has a very heavy clear door which can only be opened by adults...was I being too relaxed/ negligent? This lady left soon after but not after whispering to her husband and looking over at me! Wondered if I should have said something at the time!

OP posts:
PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 04/04/2019 15:16

Was any actual harm done? no
Was she acting in best interests? yes

Shoxfordian · 04/04/2019 15:17

She was being very overprotective
She also shouldn't have gone and picked up your child. If she was worried then she could have just kept an eye on her until you got back

FrozenMargarita17 · 04/04/2019 15:19

Christ if a stranger picked up my child I'd have a bit of a panic I think!

MamaBear8686 · 04/04/2019 15:19

She shouldn't have picked up your child. As pp said if she was genuinely worried she could have just watched her until you got back. Probably acted in best interests but I would be upset and annoyed too.

NoCauseRebel · 04/04/2019 15:19

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Seeline · 04/04/2019 15:21

I suppose if the lady had managed to pick up your daughter and start carrying her over to oyu without you noticing, someone could just have easily picked her up and carried her out of the shop?
Without knowing hte exact setup I can't really say what I would have done, but I would probably have kept my DD with me until I was sitting down facing the play area before letting her go to play.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 04/04/2019 15:23

Unless your daughter was crying for you she was being a bitU.
It would have made me plonk her back in the play area and go back to the cafe for another minute or so.

Original poster
Freddiesfling · 04/04/2019 15:25

I saw her heading towards me but was just wondering what was going on at first!!

OP posts:
Readytogogogo · 04/04/2019 15:27

If you could keep an eye on the our daughter the whole time then I think it was perfectly reasonable to let her play. By picking up your daughter I think she was massively overstepping boundaries.

Cuttingthegrass · 04/04/2019 15:27

Well she did manage to enter the play area presumably speak with your daughter before picking her up (I.e. she didn’t SAS style raid and snatch) and you didn’t notice until she came up to you. So yes I would imagine your concentration was distracted for longer than you think.

NoCauseRebel · 04/04/2019 15:28

But a child in sight in a play area in a cafe hardly compares to madeleine McCann does it?

Seriously all this hysteria happened when she went missing with people ringing the police if they saw a child who thought might look like her/might have the spot in their eye etc etc. People seriously need to get a grip. Is this documentary going to bring out all the hysterical nutjobs again? I sincerely bloody hope not.

whitehalleve · 04/04/2019 15:31

If someone picked up my child without my permission I'd have likely punched them.

Eliza9919 · 04/04/2019 15:32

I then saw this lady enter the soft play area... I paid for my drink, turned around and this lady was carrying my daughter over to me

You didn't see her pick your kid up and come out of the soft play room though, did you? If she was someone more sinister she could have been gone like a shot while you took your drinks to your table.

lozster · 04/04/2019 15:41

Interfering and unnecessary.

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2019 15:45

I think it's clear you couldn't see your daughter at all times, you were getting drinks, so were otherwise occupied,

She didn't need to take your daughter to you, she could have just watched to ensure she was safe, but she was making a point to you. Which is do not leave your child in public places even for seconds.

Many many children have been taken or disappeared in this time line.

floribunda18 · 04/04/2019 15:53

She was being absolutely batshit ridiculous, as are several posters on this thread. How sad and paranoid that you live your lives thinking kidnappers are lurking around every corner.

yikesanotherbooboo · 04/04/2019 15:53

Odd that she picked her up ; if she was jittery after MMcC docu she could just have watched her for a minute or two until you came back . No harm done , she was doing what she thought was right although I would often take my eye off my lot briefly for any number of good reasons eg paying at the till etc. I hate to think that we all have to lead our lives in a state of paranoia.

Original poster
Freddiesfling · 04/04/2019 15:54

I did see this lady enter the play area, thought nothing of it as she had a small child with her, I then saw her leave with my daughter I was only about 10 steps away!!!

OP posts:
Thymeout · 04/04/2019 16:12

Bluntness It's simply not true that 'many, many children have been taken or disappeared in this time-line'. It's extremely rare, which is why the McCann and Venables cases had such an impact.

Op - I'd have done the same as you. V difficult keeping tabs on an active toddler while buying drinks. I've often left dcs at a table, keeping our place and minding shopping while I've queued up at the counter. Safer than having them free range, getting in the way and risking a hot drink being poured over them.

FiveLittlePigs · 04/04/2019 16:32

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GrumpyMummy123 · 04/04/2019 16:33

OMG she completely over stepped the mark! She was absolutely unreasonable picking up your child!!!!

It's your responsibility to look after your child and it sounds to me like you were doing as most normal people would do and keep an eye open.

If she'd intervened if there was person acting suspiciously then fine. But to take it on herself to act just because she wouldn't have done the same is ridiculous!

Bangingdoors · 04/04/2019 16:36

Why do people give bluntness and her opinions any notice? If the op had told the story from the other woman's point of view bluntness would've told her she were wrong. You can't win with her she is awkwardness personified and thrives on goading people.

Op the woman was out of order not you.

SosigDog · 04/04/2019 16:43

Old people still have a sense of community and civic responsibility. I’ve told my DM numerous times to mind her own business - the world has changed and it isn’t her problem if someone else’s kid gets abducted or killed. The lady was obviously concerned and trying to help but she needs to wise up to modern society and learn to keep herself to herself.

DIZZYTIGGER87 · 04/04/2019 16:44

Some people can't help themselves but to interfere in a way that makes them shine and you look like a shit/neglectful parent.

If she honestly was concerned, keeping an eye on your daughter would have been fine, to make a scene means it was more about her than you.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 04/04/2019 16:44

well, the only person who was likely to snatch your child was this woman! Who, it sounds, could see that you could see your DC clearly the whole time. She, an unrelated adult with no DC of her own there, had no bloody business entering the children's play area.

Ignore and carry on with your day.