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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Who was in the wrong here.

77 replies

Freddiesfling · 04/04/2019 15:14

I’m a mum of 4, I took my youngest daughter who’s 3 to a cafe with a small enclosed soft play area. I went to get a coffee which was in the same room.. literally yards away and I noticed a older lady giving me daggers though I thought it was my imagination.. I could see my daughter happily playing so carrying on ordering our drinks ( mine and my daughters).. I then saw this lady enter the soft play area... I paid for my drink, turned around and this lady was carrying my daughter over to me, she then handed her over with a comment about how she had watched the Madeleine Mccann documentary yesterday and you can never be too careful ... I was too shocked to say anything.. I could see my daughter at all times and the play area has a very heavy clear door which can only be opened by adults...was I being too relaxed/ negligent? This lady left soon after but not after whispering to her husband and looking over at me! Wondered if I should have said something at the time!

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2019 16:46

well, the only person who was likely to snatch your child was this woman

This is the reason kids get abducted, attitudes like this. That there is no bad peoole about kids play areas. And no she couldn't see her kid all the time, she didn't even see the woman enter the area and pick her up.

Rainbodash · 04/04/2019 16:53

She was massively unreasonable! She should not have handled your child without your child's consent firstly. Secondly if she was actually worried she would have watched her herself. She was trying to make a point and shame you. I find this all the time with my parents generation (I'm 36) I can't walk down the bloody street without a "helpful" comment about how I'm doing something wrong.

Example -the other day I walked past a bus stop with my son in his buggy. This woman says "that blanket is dragging on the floor" with a bit of a telling off tone. It was a busy bus stop and I had to focus on negotiating my buggy through a crowd by a busy road - who gives a shit? Then I stopped the other side of the crowd to pick the blanket up and it was hanging down a bit, probably two inches off the ground. I mean FFS!! it's like they see a woman with a baby/young child and absolutely have to find fault.

floribunda18 · 04/04/2019 16:53

Old people still have a sense of community and civic responsibility

I'm 43 and have both of those things. Having a sense of community and civic responsibility does not involve handing someone their child who was absolutely fine where she was. Kids used to play out in the street with older siblings when they were the OP's daughter's age, and parents had no idea where they were, never mind being allowed to be ten steps away momentarily in a gated play area while mum buys a coffee. I like to think older people might have more of a sense of perspective and risk on such matters.

floribunda18 · 04/04/2019 16:56

it's like they see a woman with a baby/young child and absolutely have to find fault.

It's like that with a lot of people, and it's just sexism, and internalised misogyny, from both women and men. They wouldn't say anything if it was the dad with the child. If the child didn't fall under a bus in his care they would be praising him to high heaven.

Original poster

Freddiesfling · 04/04/2019 16:56

Yes I did see her enter the play area and as mentioned above I thought nothing of it as she had her granddaughter with her.. I then Saw her leave the play area with my daughter in her arms...! Only bit I didn’t see was her picking up my daughter due to the layout of the playcentre and the ball pit being a bit dipped there was only one way in/out and I was watching it!

OP posts:

BlackSatinDancer · 04/04/2019 17:01

I think it was a bit creepy that the woman picked your daughter up tbh. She could have just told you if her concern at you having left your child there (not that you did anything wrong).

Original poster

Freddiesfling · 04/04/2019 17:13

This is the actual play area for reference!

OP posts:

FrenchJunebug · 04/04/2019 17:19

I would have been fuming if somebody did that to my child. She was unreasonable.

Friedspamfritters · 04/04/2019 17:20

I would step in if someone's child was at risk even if it involved picking the child up. I don't see how your DD was at all at risk though as long as you could see her what's the problem?

Friedspamfritters · 04/04/2019 17:22

Haha I guessed it was wyevale garden centre before even seeing the picture. My local one has a similar set up and everyone does the same as you - kids play while you order drinks/food.

BornInAThunderstorm · 04/04/2019 17:26

She was being ridiculous. The point of enclosed soft play areas is to give young children a bit of independence in a safe environment.

She also had absolutely no right touching your child without permission.
Shame your dd isn’t like my DS, he doesn’t like unexpected physical contact and used to lash out if anyone tried to hug or hold him without asking first. She would have got a nice shock trying to pick him up

Mehaveit · 04/04/2019 17:27

@Freddiesfling I knew it would be one of these and YAabsolutelyNBU! I assume they designed them like this so you CAN do this sort of thing without dragging a toddler out to queue up. I watch the door and queue up to get lunch/drinks. 3 year old DD is happy to keep playing!

firawla · 04/04/2019 17:31

That lady should actually be banned from the play area for going in and picking up other people’s kids?? Her own behaviour is quite creepy - whatever the point she was trying to make

BlackCatSleeping · 04/04/2019 17:33

She was being absolutely batshit ridiculous, as are several posters on this thread.

This ^^

SleepingStandingUp · 04/04/2019 17:36

Totally OTT. If she'd randomly have picked my son up he'd have had hysterics at her and she may well have pulled his gastrostomy and hurt him.

Kids probably safer in the play area than hanging around the counter with hot drinks over their head!

Ellapaella · 04/04/2019 17:57

You can't usually leave soft play with a child that's not yours. They have to be signed in by name so whoever was leaving with child would need to know his or her name, also highly unlikely that a 3 year old would willingly leave with an adult they didn't know.
Soft play places have locked gates and you can't get in and out without having to be allowed out by a member of staff.

The woman was being ridiculous and interfering. I've never been to a soft play where there aren't 2&3 year olds running around occasionally out of sight of parents.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 04/04/2019 21:26

Yep, she's batshit. Think no more of it.

Original poster

Freddiesfling · 05/04/2019 08:42

The more I think about it the more annoying I’m getting... if my child had been upset or hurt then of course make me aware or bring her to me but don’t take a happily settled and playing young child out of a play area to prove a point!!!

OP posts:

Strugglingtodomybest · 05/04/2019 08:49

Like a pp poster said, this was all about her. Your dd was perfectly safe where she was, but this woman wanted to make a point, her point. I'm not surprised you're annoyed, I would be too.

regmover · 05/04/2019 09:24

Genuine concern - be helpful to the mum and keep an eye on her child while she gets her coffee. No need to say or do anything, or to make sarky comments. Clearly op could see, but if worried I'd watch out too.

Passive-aggressive point scoring - what this woman actually did. Nasty and not necessary.

sandi2019 · 05/04/2019 09:32

Wow...what a b*tch.
She crossed the line there, OP.
How dare she push her anxiety on to you like that.
Just let it go....don't let it stress you out. Obviously not a well woman.

You know what, OP?
I have watched people's kids without them knowing...for example...if I have seen a Mum preoccupied with another one of their babies....I've kept an eye on the one she hasn't got her eye on...because as a human, I think that's the correct thing to do.
That woman could have done the same....kept an eye on your little one without saying a word...there was no need for her to grab your child or shame you.

Angellucy07 · 05/04/2019 09:36

You did nothing wrong.
She shouldn't have interfered.

By picking up someone else's child she was putting herself in the situation of being speculated.

It sounds/ looks safe to me.
You could see who was going in and out of the play area.

I must admit I'm one of those paranoid over protective mums but I don't see a problem with what you were doing at all.
The woman was definitely wrong to pick up your child.

sandi2019 · 05/04/2019 09:38

You cannot watch your children 24/7. You will have to look away at some point. I just think women like that are b*tches....deliberately waiting for an opportunity to shame a mum. Did she even have a child with her?

Original poster

Freddiesfling · 05/04/2019 09:52

Yes her and her husband had their granddaughter with her, she was about 4. The lady in question was aged in her late sixties I would have said! I can remember her talking to a younger man and looking over at me..I don’t think he was with them Though!

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 05/04/2019 09:59

“Many many children have been taken or disappeared in this time line.”
Well, this is bollocks, for a start.

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