The Mumsnet ideal

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You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

You must at all times have your ducks in a row

@DirtyDennis Sounds like some sort of X-rated re-telling of a Disney movie! 😂 My ex was an accountant. He was also definitely balding. I kid you not, he was also really short!

Anyone over the age of 50 who seems a bit ratty that day obviously has dementia.

LOL

You support women when they feel they have no-one else. You help women to realise their worth and give practical, realistic advice when they don't know where to turn. You provide friendship and comfort to people experiencing distress/illness/anxiety . . .
Oh, am I doing this wrong?

Ugh I hate these threads. The great (and endlessly interesting, and eye opening) thing about mumsnet Is the massively varied experiences and viewpoints from posters. Every time on these threads, things are mentioned as being mumsnet ideal that actually, on their own threads, are hugely debated and never agreed upon!

YY.

Log things

Get ducks in a row

Only give children a satsuma and a chocolate coin at Christmas.

If going abroad you can only go on holiday in a villa. In the UK its a a cottage (preferably in Cornwall). If you must do a package deal it must be Mark Warner or Neilsons. HOWEVER you can't use the kids clubs because it's child abuse.

@DirtyDennis

You're in danger of me tracking you down and forcing you to be my new BFF. Both comments that I have thought, yes! That's bang on! Have both been yours.

You must have a massive freezer for all the batch cooking.
You must send your children to bed at 7, even if you don't get home from your job until 6.30.
Do baby led weaning and control crying.
You shouldn't do any housework whilst on maternity leave, either get a cleaner, make your husband do it all or leave it.

You should never expect inheritance or be offended if your dear grandad left everything to his new younger wife for instance.

Yes to not spending more than a fiver on your wedding but god forbid if you let your guests go hungry.

Apparently you must also take lighthearted threads very, very seriously.

You must never lift a finger to do anything for your dc the minute they turn 18 !!

Normally I recognise these threads but this one I don’t. I think a lot of vocal MNers drink like it’s going out of fashion - there’s a gin emoji for a reason!

@theycallmebabydriver I'm in Yorkshire, let's be friends

YANBU. Your house, too, needs a wellie cupboard and of course, storage for bikes and hockey sticks. It needs to be on a 'quiet cul-de-sac' because despite having a massive house with the required garden, the kids have to 'play out', too, or they will be tied to your apron strings for life and never become independent.

You must bend over backwards to accommodate your ILs and your step-DC and treat them AS IF THEY WERE YOUR OWN. But woe betide the MIL who wants to see any GC at any time unless it has been pre-arranged.

Dropping in unannounced is also a complete no-no and the recipient of such a selfish act is perfectly entitled to hide and pretend that aren't at home.

"Did you mean to be so rude" accompanied by the "head tilt and tinkly laugh" is the fiercest, most scathing put down known to mankind and will stop anyone in their tracks.

You must spend an absolute fortune on gifts for your other half

Q: My dp is so hard to buy for, any suggestions?

A: I'm the same op. So far I have bought mine a cashmere jumper, a pair of designer jeans, walking boots and a bottle of his favourite whiskey...no idea what to get him for his main gift

Mn ideal.
Must be married. Cohabitation is a sham and you’ll end up abandoned whilst he waltzes off to marry a woman he loves. Because if he loved you he’d marry you

Huge house,garden,double garage,drive.anything else is not proper.a garden is essential

Mn husband who is top of his game and earns six figure salary

All children are gifted,attend activities,that require ferrying about that means a sahp is required

A man must make all his salary available without question to his partner,and never ever query any expenditures. If he does question any expenditures he’s abusive

If a woman is the wage earner and the sahd has no job he’s a cocklodger.taking the utter piss and working mum a saint for financially supporting his lazy arse

Men cannot be platonic friends with women. If you’re partner has a female friend they’ll inevitably shag

Women can be friends with whom ever and that inc platonic male friends.if you’re dp objects to a platonic friendship he’s controlling you

Your MIL must be toxic in the same way that Nandos must be “cheeky” to male skinny jeans wearers.

Any family member wishing to stay with you is selfish beyond all reason and must be shown the nearest hotel/b&b and you are a doormat if let them stay with you or allow any guest at all to inconvenience you.

Your H must have lots of gorgeous female friends which you are 'cool' with

SittingAround1 You must have a massive freezer for all the batch cooking.

And you must always make a deliberate point of saying how all your food is home-cooked and healthy.

If someone has a different opinion to you, it's because they're jealous. No matter how illogical that might be in the context.

The answer to any baby sleep problem is co-sleeping ...

Eat the children’s Easter eggs and sneak out to buy more but you mustn’t ever be overweight.