The Mumsnet ideal

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You have to: Have big house in the country
Work, both of you, all the hours you can to afford this.
Drive everywhere
Get a cleaner

If you have e.g. a flat, in the town, that is not a 'proper home'
If you don't work all the hours you can, you are lazy
Ditto for driving.

I also find Mumsnet to be a place of “extremes/opposites”. Either you hate your DH or think he is the bestest sexiest person EVER. Equally you drink loads or none at all.

Also agree that the anti-American sentiment on MN is unbelievable.

You must invite every single person you’ve ever come across to your child’s party. Like, everyone.

If there’s a traveling circus in town who crash your child’s party then MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE MORE SANDWHICHES.

If there is anything not entirely perfect about the house or place you live in, you should 'just move'.

Someone posted the other day that if they did not feel safe walking through the town centre on their own after dark, they would 'just move'.

If any DC, including step DC or those away at university for most of the year don't have their own room that is theirs and their alone, you should 'just move'.

Just wanted to say this post made me feel a lot better! I posted a little while ago about my now DH not pulling his weight with house-work and was immediately told to LTB and that he is a selfish, useless man-child by about 30 posters. I was too scared to even come back and read all of the posts!

Glad to see that others may have experienced this sort of thing too!!

PS - I did not LTB, I married him instead

Oh yes you still have to be desperate to rip your husband's clothes off and be fucking each other multiple times a day after 10 kids and 20 years of marriage.

Never invite people out for a meal unless you expect to be paying the entire bill -- the invitee is responsible for the financial repercussions of such a get together, if you can't afford it don't organise a get together at a decent restaurant - just book the party room at McDonalds.

Should you accept to go to dinner with people and the bill is split you must be prepared to pay the same amount as everyone else despite having only drunk water and eaten the cheapest main, to not want to subsidise everyone else who had alcohol and steak is tight and if you knew you couldn't afford to pay over your share then you should not have accepted the invite

You’re never allowed to text anyone. Why is texting even a thing? You must pick up the phone and call everyone about everything forever.

If your husband cheats the woman is not to blame. Even if she is your best friend / sister / mother... She's single so therefore blameless.

Going to baby clubs is pointless as babies get all the stimulation they need from the home environment and anyway the clubs are full of mums and are therefore cliquey and bitchy.

Your dc should be doing their own washing and ironing from 3 years old. When they are strapping rugby playing teens, you must spend £150 a week minimum on food as they eat everything in sight. Your DH won't need much food as he works away from home through the week (usually abroad) and weekends are spent on his hobby, which cannot be disclosed as its vv outing.

@blackfriars I posted similar and was also told to LTB. Bit harsh, I thought! He still is rubbish at changing the bins but I've started to nag him more and it appears to be working. For now. He still hasn't repaired the TV unit like I asked though. I'm considering emptying out his entire wardrobe across the lawn once I've cut holes in it all

IvanaPee You’re never allowed to text anyone. Why is texting even a thing? You must pick up the phone and call everyone about everything forever.

But at the same time, phoning someone is the absolute HEIGHT of rudeness. You are imposing your time on them without their permission. And who on earth even answers the phone anyway?! That's why texting (during pre-approved hours only, natch) was invented...

Your DH must have a "hobby" which you must not disclose on MN as it's very outing. But it must cost lots of money, take place far away from home, take up the entire weekend, and, if possible, involve a particularly seductive young woman who, inexplicably, shares a passion for this mysterious hobby with seven mid-aged, chubby, slightly balding male accountants.

If ion talk to another mother within a ten mile radious of a school gate you are a sad, pathetic, gossipy, bitchy, cliquey monster and should be burned at the stake.

Agree re: DP’s hobby being something to do with the Secret Service and cannot ever be spoken about. Even though it’s golf or cycling.

If your DH ever speaks to or texts another woman, engages in any sport where there are women participating or buys a new T shirt it is clearly the case he is cheating and you need to change the locks and put his clothes on the front step in a bag.

Noone's mentioned how you cannot, even if the other person is about to wet themselves, let a builder/delivery man/tradesman use their loo. And god forbid if they do a poo.

Anyone who doesn't take their shoes off before going into their house is a minger.

Oh and also you must have a purebred dog

And it must be a greyhound. Rescued of course.

You will live in Scotland, with all their sensible and different laws and customs.

And you must never wear polyester - it's the new asbestos.

A "bit of mascara" and "dash of lipstick" will instantly make you look "put together" whatever the motherfuck that means

Oh and never, ever accept an evening only wedding invitation. You are obviously not good enough to be invited to the whole day.

Never mind that it's costs a lot more to feed and provide drinks for a day guest, instead of a few extra nibbles on the buffet table

Your DCs should have jobs and be buying all their own food and doing all their own cooking. If they don't they can just staaaaaarve. They should also be contributing to the household bills, doing all their own washing, at least an hours housework a night and they can never have friends round.

You must pick up the phone and call everyone about everything forever

I see the opposite on here. People talk about texting when just picking up the bloody phone or talking face to face would be by far the most appropriate method of communication. And the weirdest thing is when other posters start composing texts for the OP .

You can't post a picture of spiders, crumpets or a whole host of other stuff without a trigger warning as everyone on here has a huge list of phobias.

It doesn't matter if they're only 11.

And you must never wear polyester - it's the new asbestos

Complaining about pregnancy pain is the height of insensitivity to people TTC. Ditto any complaint about your children. God, how could you be insensitive?

And if someone dares to fall pregnant before you, they’re always neglectful/scrounges/undeserving.

Children are never arseholes, always undiagnosed.

If you have more than a slice of cucumber for lunch you’re greedy.

If you spend more than £1 on your child for Christmas/birthdays you’re spoiling them.

If your children don’t have structured, paid for activities 9 days a week they’ll end up hanging out in the streets sniffing glue instead.

You’re not an adult until you’re 35.