To think that women shouldn’t have to put up with this?

[getoffmyhandyousleazebag]

Yesterday I had to wait in for somebody to come and inspect and collect DH’s old lease car. Eventually a man turned up (late). He spent a bit of time moaning about the disorganisation of his company, and then said “well this is going to take about half an hour- unless you want to stand there and watch me! Can I have the keys?”

I had the two sets of keys in my hand and passed them over to him. As I put them in his hand he grabbed my hand, kept hold of it so I couldn’t pull it away and repeatedly stroked it hard with his thumb. While doing this he looked me in the eye and said, “Now why don’t you go and make me a nice cup of coffee, my darling?”

I’d like to say that I said some clever comment back at him, but I felt so uncomfortable that I didn’t say anything - even standing there on my own doorstep. Also as he was inspecting a vehicle to look for things you can be charged for, I didn’t want to antagonise him.

I didn’t make him any coffee though.

He was a man probably in his 60s and working for a company called BCA.

AIBU to think that in this day and age no men should think that this is an acceptable way to treat a women in her own home, or anywhere?

(Namechanged for this as I am bound to mention it to someone in real life)

Knowing what's acceptable is the easy part.

how do MN ers talk to their young teen daughters about this issue,

I've always been extremely honest with my children. My daughter is only 10 but at 5'2 she looks older. Luckily she's wise beyond her years so I've found it very easy to talk to her about these things. She was very interested when Taylor Swift took a DJ to court because he had touched her inappropriately. Well done Taylor....I think she's a really good role model for young girls. That led on to further conversations about some men taking advantage of women, sexual assault and then rape. My daughter was disgusted and shocked that anyone could do that...and although I don't want her scared, it's important for her to know that some men don't have the same boundaries and morals as the good men that are in our lives so that she can be safe.

blueskiesovertheforest
I only meant that you start that discussion from very little, then you adapt as they get older. And you give them a safe home, so they know from very little they can and should talk to you about any situation they feel uncomfortable with and never have to put up with them.

It doesn't sound so easy if so many people are putting up with creepy bosses and unwanted attention in their own homes!

Report him!

DH used to work for BCA and they won't tolerate that sort of behaviour. Seriously, complain - that's gross misconduct.
Definitely not typical behaviour of a vehicle inspector.

SleepingSloth that's a good way in. I don't think my DD has the remotest interest in Taylor Swift sadly. Most things do come up naturally in conversation, but I must say this issue never has, despite all the little children bodily autonomy and consent conversations.

Babuchak yes I see what you mean.

It's the unexpected encounters with creeps of varying degrees that I'm wondering how to talk about, and essentially what advice to give. As Fudge said her dad's advice to fight made a horrific situation even worse, though it's impossible to think what advice he "should" have given.

I advise all my children to get out of dangerous situations then fetch or call help. I started that conversation based on a knife crime interview I heard, but it applies generally.

It's not always that simple though, or possible.

Babuchak i don't think anyone is 'putting up with it'. The OP reported him.

Sometimes you have to be aware of your own personal safety and be pragmatic in your response. That doesn't mean anyone is 'putting up with it'.

blueskiesovertheforest
I tell them what I do myself. When we walk the dogs at night, I tell them from little what area to avoid and so on.

I agree that fighting should be the last desperate resource, running away and attracting attention is your first priority.

Sadly, there are no full-proof advice, but at least some helpful guidelines.

BarrenFieldofFucks
I disagree, many people do put up with things because they feel trapped, scared, ashamed. How many threads have we read about women who had been victim of long-term sexual harassment at work for example?

Thanks for all the supportive and understanding comments/ it’s really helpful. I have made a proper official complaint, so hopefully some good will come of it.

It’s really sad to hear of all these incidents people have had - a lot of them much much worse than my situation.

agirlhasnoname
Please hate him,not you. You were not the creator and designer of what happened to you,and who can blame your df from wanting to get your armed against the perps out there! DRUNK not your fault, your reaction is your fault, and most freeeze....all normal

DRUNK not your fault, your reaction is your fault, and most freeeze....all normal

So, lets try that again shit android
Definitely not your fault, your reaction is not your fault, and most freeeze....but all normal