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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DDs partner and I not talking

150 replies

user1471453601 · 02/04/2019 20:09

A couple of days ago DD and I were out visiting family. When we got back dog was v exited (she is daughters dog, predominantly). In her.exitment, she launched herself off the sofa, to get to.DD. In the process, she hurt DDs partner. I'm sure it hurt DDs partner because dog has done similar to me.

Dog is a rescue and we were told never to use harsh tones with her, which we haven't in the year we have had her.

DDs partner , after being hurt, responded with "fuck off" in a very aggressive tone.

I was/am very very angry. D dog has had enough negative in her life. I know she doesn't understand the words, but the tone of DDs partner has upset me.

DD would like me to forgive and forget. I still ( four days later) still feel angry that an animal entrusted to our care, with specific instructions not to use a harsh tone, has been subjected to just that

I'm finding hard to let this go.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
juneybean · 02/04/2019 22:55

Why on earth did you repeatedly say "dds partner" instead of using the correct pronouns and are now getting pissy that people wrongly assumed it was a male partner. It's neither here nor there.

littledoll33 · 02/04/2019 23:04

@juneybean

Why on earth did you repeatedly say "dds partner" instead of using the correct pronouns and are now getting pissy that people wrongly assumed it was a male partner. It's neither here nor there.

I noticed that too. The OP in her original post seemed to carefully avoid mentioning her DD's partner is female. Most people will assume male, as that is the default.

I have noticed that a few times on here. When someone is talking about a relationship with their partner, (and it's a same sex relationship,) or if they are talking about their daughter and partner, (and they are in a same sex relationship;) they always put 'they,' and 'them,' and 'their...' They never mention the gender... Then they decide to dripfeed later on in the thread, and get annoyed that people have assumed their partner is the opposite sex to them!

Very annoying.

Studentnurse1981 · 02/04/2019 23:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

littledoll33 · 02/04/2019 23:16

Who is that comment aimed at @Studentnurse1981 ?

CheshireChat · 02/04/2019 23:19

I very nearly swore at my kid recently as he bloody hurt me (by accident) and I did tell him to get away from me (not in those words admittedly).

I hurt, I was taken completely aback and by surprise and I was rather annoyed.

It a pretty normal reaction.

QueenEhlana · 02/04/2019 23:22

Seriously? The dog hurt her, and she isn't allowed to respond in an angry tone?

And you've been holding onto this for 4 days?

Meandwinealone · 02/04/2019 23:22

This is batshit
It’s a dog. Not a fucking child!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 02/04/2019 23:24

YABVU. She was hurt and expressed that; it’s completely normal.

This is a dog. An animal. It will be fine.

IHopeYouUnderstandWeArePuppets · 02/04/2019 23:36

While I’m sure it was upsetting to hear your DDog spoken to in this way, it is you (and your DD’s) responsibility to ensure that your dog doesn’t leap at people. Your daughter’s partner did not choose a traumatised rescue dog and swearing and sounding angry when an animal leaps at you is not unreasonable.

You should really be feeling angry at yourself for allowing a situation to arise where your dog is going to be spoken to harshly.

SandyY2K · 02/04/2019 23:38

YABU and childish tbh.

Pinkbells · 02/04/2019 23:39

YABU to be brooding 4 days after someone swore at your dog, yes. If the dog has got over it I think you should too!

ReapersHowler · 02/04/2019 23:44

I'll be the first to call reverse then?

Yabbers · 02/04/2019 23:50

Is the dog speaking to her yet?

user1511042793 · 03/04/2019 00:01

Yes yabu

BettyBigBollocks · 03/04/2019 00:06

YABU, it’s a natural reaction to shout out if you’re hurt/feeling attacked. Is she maybe scared of dogs?

I also feel though that the whole point of this thread was to tell everyone that your DD has a girlfriend? You haven’t responded to anything other than PPs assuming the partner was male. Odd.

BigButtonsOnMyPhone · 03/04/2019 00:29

The three of you should get some counseling. Ddog will need to work through the trauma of being sworn at and your dd's partner needs to understand how swearing can make Ddog feel rejected. I'm sure you'll work through it all and hug it out at the end.

Reallyevilmuffin · 03/04/2019 00:39

Are you 5 OP? Very unreasonable

Sparklesocks · 03/04/2019 00:40

Sometimes when people feel sudden pain unexpectedly they swear in reaction, and sometimes they divert their reaction to the thing that caused it (I once told an oven door I bashed my shin on to ‘get fucked’).
It sounds like DD partner was just reacting to getting hurt and didn’t mean anything more than that. If they’re normally good with the dog I wouldn’t read any more into it.

Strokethefurrywall · 03/04/2019 00:49

Fuck me, I've read some batshittery on MN but this is up there with the best.

Yeah OP, whoever is still holding a grudge that someone told a dog to fuck off 4 days ago (assuming it isn't actually you) is massively massively unreasonable.

Tell whoever it is to get a fucking grip.

bluegreygreen · 03/04/2019 01:16

So your dog has now injured two different people.

What are you and your daughter doing to prevent this?

Fridasrage · 03/04/2019 02:46

Looks like there may be quite a few people on this thread who haven't had dogs.

I can understand why you're upset OP and you are not being very unreasonable but i do think you need to let this go now. Maybe ask DD to explain to her DP what the situation is, but otherwise make peace.

RainbowMum11 · 03/04/2019 02:59

It just sounds like one of those things -the dog didn't mean to hurt,, the swear words wear a simple reaction - a one off and you said the dog hurt you when it went over you in the same way.
Sounds a bit of an over-reaction to a natural reaction.

BadLad · 03/04/2019 03:49

Is the dog speaking to her yet?

Probably gone no contact and identified as a hamster.

Jessgalinda · 03/04/2019 06:18

Some people swear when hurt. It's not that unusual.

I adore my dog. She goes anywhere too.

But I wouldn't get all upset because someone swore when the dog hurt them.

Ringdonna · 03/04/2019 07:04

FFS, it is an animal.