DDs partner and I not talking

[user1471453601]

A couple of days ago DD and I were out visiting family. When we got back dog was v exited (she is daughters dog, predominantly). In her.exitment, she launched herself off the sofa, to get to.DD. In the process, she hurt DDs partner. I'm sure it hurt DDs partner because dog has done similar to me.

Dog is a rescue and we were told never to use harsh tones with her, which we haven't in the year we have had her.

DDs partner , after being hurt, responded with "fuck off" in a very aggressive tone.

I was/am very very angry. D dog has had enough negative in her life. I know she doesn't understand the words, but the tone of DDs partner has upset me.

DD would like me to forgive and forget. I still ( four days later) still feel angry that an animal entrusted to our care, with specific instructions not to use a harsh tone, has been subjected to just that

I'm finding hard to let this go.

So, AIBU?

[slipperywhensparticus]

Plain speaking is one thing but rudeness is another you have zero prof the dog is untrained and spoilt even well trained ones get over excited and mess up fuck off is not a nice response

[QueenBeex]

Oh god I've just realised your comment saying he is a she was about the partner! My bad

Also just because a dog is allowed in all rooms inside the house it doesn't mean it's untrained and spoiled. My dog goes in most rooms, on the furniture and he is indeed trained and very well behaved. :)

[mama17]

I agree with you if I'm honest. Rescue dogs are so scared and timid. I'm sure there was no need for the tone or the swear words

[HotpotLawyer]

She was shocked and hurt, you say yourself it hurts, and she may have been frightened, a dog launching at her like that. I would have been.

She didn’t hit out or kick out at the dog to keep her away, she reacted with one angry short phrase.

Has the dog cowered in a corner whimpering since?

YABVU to keep up a childish wall of silence for 5 days.

I would be mortified if my dog leapt and hurt someone.

[Cherrysoup]

Not speaking to him? Which, when a DP does it to a partner, is emotionally abusive and controlling (according to the Relationships board). Get over yourself, dear me! I doubt the dog understood. I lashed out at mine when he pulled me over then you know, trained him not to do it again, because you have to TRAIN dogs and no, they’re never too old to learn not to do stuff.

[Haffdonga]

Reverse? You are the dd, yes?

[BoneyBackJefferson]

mama17
I agree with you if I'm honest. Rescue dogs are so scared and timid.

Except that this rescue dog was so "scared and timid" that it launched itself at someone and hurt them.

Stereotypes (even animals) helps no-one.

Given that your Daughters partners was hurt and you are the one not talking YABU

[Thesnobbymiddleclassone]

Your dog sounds out of control. Apologise and control your pet.

[chillpizza]

Partner is likely glad you not talking to them. Saves them being around your badly behaved dog getting hurt.

[QueenBeex]

Everyone knows the dog didn't understand the swear word, however dogs do notice the tone you speak to them in. And chances are a raised aggressive tone in voice would of been noticed by the dog and if the dog is nervous and timid already, it could have had an affect on it. Not sure why people don't think animals have feelings.

[happilyevernever]

Your DD’s partner was probably scared and hurt and it came out automatically. I’m sure it’s done no harm.

[Hanab]

OP i get that the dog is a rescue and needs special care and attention.. however is it not a natural reaction to one being ‘attacked’?

What if the dog seriously harmed the guy? You could be looking at a fine or something worse had he reported it. Maybe when people come around and visit you should keep hold of the dog and settle it/reassure it ( is it male or female? ) before allowing the dog to be free again ..

Just as a precaution ..

[QueenBeex]

A dog excited to see it's owner isn't a badly behaved dog, if your child is excited to see you at the school gate and runs and jumps up to cuddle you and accidently pokes / clips you in the face whilst putting an arm around your neck for a cuddle, is that a badly behaved child? No it's an accident. The dog didn't set out to hurt the partner, the dog aimed to jump on the sofa to be close to the owner and probably give her a lick or something.

[QueenBeex]

the DDs partner isn't a guy ....

[Waveysnail]

You need to let this go. You said he was hurt as you have been. Completely natural reaction to be cross

[FifisLovelyApron]

Except that this rescue dog was so "scared and timid" that it launched itself at someone and hurt them.

That doesn't mean she's not nervous.

I don't think the dog speaks English.

It was about the tone used, not the language it's used in.

[user1471453601]

Again DDs partner is female.

[category12]

I think it's quite common to swear crossly when you get hurt.

Unless the dog is a traumatised wreck following this incident, or this chap usually goes around swearing at it, I think it's a storm in a teacup that you'd be well-advised to get over.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I take it the dog isn’t further traumatised otherwise you would have mentioned it. Your dog hurt your dds gf. She was upset and swore at the dog. I’m struggling to see your dog as the injured party when the dog probably isn’t upset but your dds gf got hurt. Tbh it sounds as though the dog was so excited to see your dd that it was totally unaware of your dds gf let alone what she said. Yabu.

[category12]

for "this chap", read "this woman", sorry.

[Fairylea]

When people get hurt they tend to shout out.. I think you need to let this go. If the partner had been physically abusive to the dog that would be completely different but a cross “fuck off” when someone was hurt is not worth potentially falling out long term with your dd and her partner.

[Lizzie48]

She shouldn't have shouted angrily at the dog, obviously. But what is to be gained by the silent treatment? Just tell her why you were annoyed, and hopefully she'll take it on board for the future. This is your DD's partner, you're only making things awkward for her, which I'm sure you wouldn't want.

[Susanna30]

Perhaps you could ask your DD to explain to her partner that it's important the dog does not get scared by being shouted at, due to what happened to it before it was rescued.

But you shouldn't hold it against DDs partner. You're being a bit silly imo and should now move on from it. With some extra cuddles the dog will be just fine.

[Northernmum12]

I think the partner should apologise for acting so rudely in your home but yes dog needs some training. Have you not gone through with the partner what the dog is like so they were at least forwarned?
I wouldn’t not be speaking to them, that is a very childish approach but I also wouldn’t tolerate them talking like that in my home

[HolyForkingShirt]

If a dog bit me I would definitely yell swear words without even meaning to, just like if I stub my toe or poke myself in the eye accidentally. It's like an instinct. You're being very childish to not speak to him over this!

Please don't become one of those entitled dog owners whose dogs run up to people in the park, scare the living daylights out of them, then you walk up and say "Oh don't worry he's just being friendly!"....