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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DDs partner and I not talking

150 replies

user1471453601 · 02/04/2019 20:09

A couple of days ago DD and I were out visiting family. When we got back dog was v exited (she is daughters dog, predominantly). In her.exitment, she launched herself off the sofa, to get to.DD. In the process, she hurt DDs partner. I'm sure it hurt DDs partner because dog has done similar to me.

Dog is a rescue and we were told never to use harsh tones with her, which we haven't in the year we have had her.

DDs partner , after being hurt, responded with "fuck off" in a very aggressive tone.

I was/am very very angry. D dog has had enough negative in her life. I know she doesn't understand the words, but the tone of DDs partner has upset me.

DD would like me to forgive and forget. I still ( four days later) still feel angry that an animal entrusted to our care, with specific instructions not to use a harsh tone, has been subjected to just that

I'm finding hard to let this go.

So, AIBU?

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock · 02/04/2019 21:04

You need to talk to him, he needs to apologise for using bad language.
You need to train your dog, she hurt him, if Ddog pounced on a child or elderly person it could really cause damage.

littledoll33 · 02/04/2019 21:05

You AND DD's partner sound like hard work tbh.

GreatDuckCookery · 02/04/2019 21:05

It’s a bit shit that the partner said what she did and I would have been taken aback but I hope would have understood why she said it.

Just let it go, seriously.

RaffertyFair · 02/04/2019 21:05

I would hate my dog to be sworn at aggressively. But I would hate him hurting a guest in my home more.

If the dog is so intensely sensitive to tone of voice, then you need to take steps to manage situations like this to avoid it happening. You can't rely on visitors not reacting angrily when hurt.

nokidshere · 02/04/2019 21:07

You haven't spoken to someone for 4 days because she responded with a loud expletive when your dog hurt her? That is bizarre behaviour. Apologise to her and explain why you try to not use loud voices around the dog. Don't get your daughter to speak to her, it's your house and your dog and you are an adult. Sort it out.

Serin · 02/04/2019 21:07

YABU.
I feel soffy for DDs partner.
First she gets hurt by your Ddog and then she gets the cold shoulder from you for shouting at it.
If you had trained the dog in the first place this wouldn't have happened....its not even the first time it's happened, It also hurt you.
Just because it's a rescue dog doesn't mean it is exempt from training. Our Ddog is from a rescue, he is very pleased to see us but he knows not to jump up.
I think you should apologise to DDs girlfriend.

CherryPavlova · 02/04/2019 21:07

it’s a dog. Treating it like a child does it a disservice. They need to be trained not to pounce on people. No wonder she swore.

Coronapop · 02/04/2019 21:09

YABVU to allow your dog to hurt visitors.

slashlover · 02/04/2019 21:10

She didn't lash out. She didn't raise her voice. She didn't ask you to remove the dog.

She said two words in an aggressive tone in response to being hurt. YABVU. Was she supposed to just stand there quietly while in pain?

HolyForkingShirt · 02/04/2019 21:10

The dog didn't set out to hurt the partner, the dog aimed to jump on the sofa to be close to the owner and probably give her a lick or something.

But I don't care - I NEVER want someone's dog jumping on me! My #1 hate is some dog clambering up my legs. I agree with @Serin - poor girl goes to your house, gets leapt at and hurt by a dog, probably couldn't help shouting out as most people do when they get hurt, and now you're blanking her over it.

I don't think dog lovers get it - I don't care what your dog's intentions are and if it's "being friendly". I don't want it on me!

ifoundthebread · 02/04/2019 21:10

Unless you can prepare the dog for every person's reaction to any situation, id keep it away from people. My dog sniffed a guys hand as he walked past us (dog was on a leash) and he shouted 'fuck off knob head' at the dog, things happen. People react without thinking. Given dds partner is sorry she upset you but you are also sorry for over reacting then I'd let it go.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/04/2019 21:11

You say the dog is basically DD's, and she's ok with it so I'd take your lead from that.

No it's not ideal at all to shout at a rescue dog, but was it a heat of the moment split second response to being hurt or was it part of a pattern?

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 02/04/2019 21:11

Hahaha. You were never getting any sympathy here OP!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/04/2019 21:12

Also, is this a long term relationship where the partner would know the dog's history and what you were advised?

SweetAsSpice · 02/04/2019 21:13

YABVU.

MadameAnchou · 02/04/2019 21:13

Grow up! Teach your dog to behave, too, before it's your DD not speaking to you because the dog hurt your grandchild. YABU.

Downunderduchess · 02/04/2019 21:15

Nope NBU at all, if someone spoke aggressively to my animals I would hate it & feel quite upset. It is also a reflection of what that person is truly like.

Bambamber · 02/04/2019 21:19

What do you hope the achieve by giving her the silent treatment? Surely it would be better to tell her you don't appreciate her aggressive tone, and mind how she says things in future. I think your being a bit melodramatic.

QueenBeex · 02/04/2019 21:21

People are telling the OP to train a dog that isn't actually hers... makes sense!

AcrossthePond55 · 02/04/2019 21:22

Obvs DD's partner needs to learn how to speak to animals, rescue or not. One doesn't need to shout or sound aggressive. A calm but stern 'Off!" or 'Down!' is very effective, the same 'tone' as you would use to a child who isn't listening.

As far as 'apologizing', I'm not so sure I'd be demanding an apology. But I would tell DD that before her partner comes around again, I need to be assured that she understands how to deal with your dog.

BlackSatinDancer · 02/04/2019 21:23

I think that, even if your DD's bf did know the rules about it speaking in a harsh tone to the dog, he may have just been surprised/shocked when the dog launched herself at him. I can quite see how this could happen. I'm sure many people could have reacted in the same way in the given circumstances.

Why not just talk to the bf and say you are/were upset by him shouting at the dog? Let him tell you how he feels/felt and then move on. Communicate fgs. In the words of a Cliff Richard song "It's so funny, how we don't talk anymore".

RaffertyFair · 02/04/2019 21:25

People are telling the OP to train a dog that isn't actually hers... makes sense!

I think it is a family pet judging by the phrase "predominantly dd's".

Maybe dd still lives at home?

Cheeserton · 02/04/2019 21:26

A reflection of how someone really is? Well yeah - most people might swear if someone leapt on them and hurt them.... Not a big deal. YABVU.

Newyearnewname2019 · 02/04/2019 21:29

Your dog hurt him. You need to be the one to apologise. Bloody hell.

GabsAlot · 02/04/2019 21:30

you know when you stub your toe on something u just react and say fuck it or fucking hell-it was just a reaction im sure he didnt mean it ir will constantly shout at your dog