Mothers day moaning threads

[Eliza9917]

For many people, with fertility issues or who have lost a child, etc etc etc the kid/s alone would be reward enough.

Stop fucking moaning you didn't get a card ffs and be glad you have your kids

Three threads on this tonight alone.

But . There are pregnancy threads. And parenting , and miscarriage. It's the internet . This is a discussion forum. Yabu

I agree, has this always been the case that mum's have such high expectations of this over commercialized day?

Oh ffs you can say that about anything. Stop comlaining about your husband, at least you're married. Stop conplaining about your job, at least your employed.

Every bloody year people start threads to complain about the women who feel totally let down by the people who are supposed to love them the most. How dare you say someone else isnt entitled to their feelings. Why are yours more important?!

Every year Mother's Day becomes more and more about being aware of those who have lost their mom, child or suffering infertility.

I am so so lucky I have not had direct experience with that.

Every day should be Mother's Day, or at least appreciate the ones you love day. But Mother's Day is a thing which people like to celebrate and I can understand people feeling under appreciated on this particular day as they probably feel under appreciated every other day of the year. If you feel under appreciated every day then it's understandable for someone to get upset on Mother's Day - the day for appreciating Mother's.

YABU. Someone feeling unappreciated doesn't exclude others feeling sad for other reasons. There isn't s limit on emotion

I’m one of those people who had infertility, recurrent miscarriages, fertility treatment and I totally disagree.
I think it’s got a bit virtue signalling. I mean, it’s great to show awareness but actually stopping people from expressing their joy (or disappointment in no card) doesn’t change someone’s circumstances.
Being kind and understanding is so important. But censoring other women isn’t helpful to anyone.
I went to church on Mothering Sunday shortly after (another) miscarriage and cried the entire service. My friend gave me a massive hug and said “God, it’s shit”. We hugged some more, then I asked how she was spending her day and she told me all about her breakfast in bed, her tiny people and their funny moments. I would hate for her to have thought I couldn’t hear about her joy. Friendship is about sharing with one another.

PS Years and years later and I do now have (long awaited!) children. So many of us will experience it from all sides whether as adoptive mums or birth mums or step mums.

Happy: Why More or Less Everything is Absolutely Fine by Derren Brown

What @C0untDucku1a said

Oops, I posted that on the wrong thread and I don't know how to delete/move it, sorry!

I'm sorry if you have experienced infertility OP, but YABU. Just because a woman has been fortunate to have become a mother doesn't mean she can't be upset about being taken for granted. Should everyone have to hide their feeling about everything that upsets them just because someone else has it worse?

I kind of agree. I got a school made card and a poem from one DC and card and little handmade present made at Guides by the older one. Which she forgot to give me until 7pm on Mother's Day. DC were tired out from a bday sleepover they'd both been on the night before so I told them they could veg out all day with TV/tablets. They left me to lie on the sofa and binge watch old episodes of Grey's Anatomy all afternoon while husband fell asleep watching the Grand Prix in the other room. He then cooked a fried breakfast dinner about 6pm, both kids loaded the dishwasher and I went back to the sofa. We were all happy and we all love each other and it was the perfect way to spend this particular Mother's Day. I will never be the kind of person who gives a crap about commercialised presents, forced meals out at ridiculously busy restaurants and shitty teddy bears saying they love me. We know we love each other and that's enough. That's just me though, not saying it's the right or wrong way, everyone is different and some people genuinely love shitty teddy bears.

I think the moaning is more of a dh/dp problem than not actually getting a gift. It’s the bigger picture of not being appreciated which is why women are upset. I had a lovely day with my DD but was upset my dp didn’t think to even buy me a card for my first Mothers Day.

I hope you don't ever complain when you get a cramp. I used to work with amputees that would love to have a leg to cramp!

I got a drawing from my eldest and I nearly cry! It not about getting material stuff. It's about you to spend that day doing something together and enjoying. I think is nice to show kids that when you appreciate someone you should show/ say it. I feel lot of women feel underappreciated and that's why they were upset.

@Eliza9917

YABVVU.

Agree with @Kintan

I'm sorry if you have experienced infertility OP, but YABU. Just because a woman has been fortunate to have become a mother doesn't mean she can't be upset about being taken for granted. Should everyone have to hide their feeling about everything that upsets them just because someone else has it worse?

Are we all meant to never complain about ANYTHING in case it offends someone who supposedly has it worse? Eg, imagine someone saying 'how dare you complain about your 3 kids causing you a headache, I have 4, you don't know you're born!'

Very unfair.

Everyone has their own struggles. One person's struggle doesn't negate another person's struggle. People's hurt shouldn't be compared, even if someone's struggle seems worse than another's, it doesn't mean that they don't both count.

@littledoll33 my thoughts exactly.

My sister had has various things going on when I hit my "milestones". I couldn't fully celebrate my engagement as her BF was against marriage, I couldn't fully celebrate my wedding as she was newly single, I kept my pregnancy quiet as she was still single and was told not to mention it to rub her nose in it as she was approaching 40 and not likely to become a mother anytime soon.

When it came to Mother's Day I felt guilty for celebrating it (1st one, probably won't make a big deal out of it in the future). She planned an event which I either had to attend in support which took up the whole of the day - she could have done it any other day. In the end I said enough was enough and it's my 1st Mother's Day and I want to celebrate it with DH and DC. All over social media was posts about considering those who didn't have a mum, or a child on Mother's Day, but what about people like me who has longed to be a mother for years. Are we not allowed to celebrate that finally we get to have a Mother's Day?

I'm ranting now.

People are allowed to be annoyed for any reason. Not getting a Mother's Day card/present is one of those reasons. You can't say "well some people don't have kids YABU" as this can apply to anything in life.

I think the ones complaining that more wasn't done are generally just moaners being ungrateful and precious. However I think the ones who are saying they are disappointed not to get a card have a right to a moan. I would be a bit disappointed if there was no acknowledgement of the occasion.

As a mum who only gets to see her boys for limited hours on Mother's Day (court enforced 50:50 shared care with my abusive ex when kids were 3 and 6) I do find it hard in general when people complain about things like this.

but what about people like me who has longed to be a mother for years. Are we not allowed to celebrate that finally we get to have a Mother's Day?

I'm not against celebrating it, I just think its a bit much having continuous threads moaning about not getting enough. Your (not you, 'you' in general) kids should be enough. Appreciate them instead of crappy materialistic shit and think of others who don't even have that before moaning you didn't get a load of tat.

I can see that it must grate OP but I think you’re being a bit unfair. Some of the threads from posters moaning about lack of Mother’s Day cards/presents have been eye opening and really quite sad. Lots of unappreciated women out there who do everything for their family’s which I can understand why they’re upset.

I disagree. Being a Mum is really hard and it’s okay to want to feel valued on Mother’s day.

You can usually tell what a thread is going to be about by the title so if it’s not something you want to read it’s better to just not click on it.

Sorry if you are having a difficult time though OP.

Exactly it here here! Pathetic behaviour

YABVU OP. This is the internet. People can moan about what they want. If you don't want to read such threads, there's plenty of other internet to read.

YANBU.

Surprised and disappointed to see so many posts on the subject.

In some cases, mother's are actually being mistreated by their (adult) children and partners, that is a separate issue and nothing to do with Mother's Day.

No one else apart from you is responsible for your emotional well being. Is the love you give to your family conditional on them acknowledging mother's day? If not, then let it go, and find a way to heal yourself emotionally for your own sake. Expectations of others,a and being disappointed when those expectations are not met and lead us to apportioning blame, are often us projecting what we think to be deficiencies in our own self. "I'm blaming you for not doing X, because actually I can't do X for myself and hate myself for it". "I'm blaming you for not acknowledging me, because I actually feel I am undeserving of acknowledgement and require the validation of others in order to have that need met".

Now, this path of healing might take you to places you never imagined, you will likely say 'no' to people more, you will likely change the power dynamics in your relationship with your spouse or parents. But in the long run it will be a beautiful thing.