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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Brother ruined it or me?

116 replies

WishIWasABaller · 31/03/2019 15:33

My brother has my nephew who is 15 months, he has asked my mum to babysit this evening 3-11, mum was a bit miffed as it's mother's day but said ok. So last night she had my daughter, 11 months) overnight to make it "even" and I was grateful for it. But I woke up at 8:30am to take over, I am currently living with her for the time being.
My brother has just came around, we live on the top floor of a 4 story building, my brother insisted my mum come down to collect her gifts and to get my nephew, she was on the phone though so asked me to get him to bring my newphew/gifts up instead as his girlfriend was with him too. I did but he continued to wait outside.
My daughter was napping in her cot so I went down to get them instead, when I got down he asked where our mum was, I told him that she upstairs still on the phone, he said "I have her gifts though" i said yeah but I told you to bring everything up, he said he couldn't I asked why as there was 2 of them and he told me to "fuck off and don't speak to me like that". I didn't even say it in a bad way, I don't know what kicked him off. I was there to take everything including my nephew but he wanted to see my mum instead, which is fine but I don't understand why he couldn't come up, I tried to explain I wasn't speaking to him like shit and he has misunderstood but he wouldn't have it. Anyway, he got in a mood and told me to fuck off again, I started to walk away because I hate arguing with him he's a nasty person, and he called me a moody cunt. I got angry and called him a fat cunt, which I really shouldn't have done but it just came out, I was almost at the door and he shouted "at least my kid has a dad"
I am a single mum, long story short my daughter's dad left when I was pregnant and ive tried really hard to get him involved with DD and make it easy for him but he let us down alot so I've decided to cut him out before DD was old enough to be affected by it all. I'm also attending therapy for PND and taking anti depressants and my anxiety about my DD being affected by not having a dad gets quite bad sometimes. It's something I worry about alot. My brother knows this so the fact he said this has really hurt, my mum is also pissed off with that comment, and now my brother has taken my nephew away. The whole day is ruined, my mum is upstairs in a mood but I'm not sure if the mood is with me, we were going to take the babies out for a walk as it's a nice day and now thats not happening.
I shouldn't have called my brother a name so I feel maybe I fuelled the comment but he also fuelled my comment by calling me names first. I feel uncomfortable too worried to ask my mum if we're going out still incase she snaps, I'm already crying so I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
HeathRobinson · 31/03/2019 15:35

Take your Mum a cup of tea and suggest you all go out for a walk in half an hour?

Processedpea · 31/03/2019 15:36

Your brother is a right charmer isn't he please take the kids out as planned and enjoy the day

MaxNormal · 31/03/2019 15:38

Your brother is indeed a cunt.

MitziK · 31/03/2019 15:39

Sounds like your DC has the better deal, compared to your DN, here.

He's ruined three mother's special days (you, your Mum and his partner's) by being a verbally abusive dick who wanted his own way over something completely unimportant - who collected his child because he couldn't be arsed to walk upstairs. Not you.

Bluntness100 · 31/03/2019 15:41

Take your mum a cup of tea, say you're sorry it kicked off, and why don't you go out for a walk and get some cake or something. Don't justify it, or drag it all up again, just say sorry it kicked off, let's enjoy the rest of the day,

ElizabethMountbatten · 31/03/2019 15:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

WishIWasABaller · 31/03/2019 15:42

My brother has taken my nephew with him, and I've just spoke to my mum and she says she has been talking with my brother and he says she's not having him tonight (even though he asked her to babysit) and neither of us will see him ever again.

So now I feel even worse, and guessing my mum isn't up for anything

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 31/03/2019 15:46

I'm sorry op, I don't know how to say this, but your brother is a complete and utter wanker.

How old is he?

DontWannaBeObamasElf · 31/03/2019 15:48

So he’s manipulative too? Charmer!

HundredMilesAnHour · 31/03/2019 15:48

Sounds like you and your brother are as bad as each other. He asked your mum to babysit today so you got her to babysit for you last night so it was fair?! Wtf? Your poor mother. Some Mothers Day weekend it's been for her.

But your brother's behaviour today was appalling. I don't understand why you didn't just leave him downstairs and let him bring his own child/gifts up. If he couldnt be bothered, leave him to it. Shouting and swearing at each other is just childish. You both behaved like you're still kids. Your poor poor mother. Hope you've apologised to her for your part in this and are trying to make it up to her.

GreatDuckCookery · 31/03/2019 15:48

What’s going on with your brother? This isn’t normal behaviour. Is there a big back story?

Fromage · 31/03/2019 15:49

Better off no dad than an arsehole like your brother. Why wasn't your nephew spending the day with his mum?

Don't let him spoil your day. I agree with Heath and Processed - take dd and your mum out for a nice walk and buy yourselves a nice bun when yo'ure out, to celebrate being great mums.

WishIWasABaller · 31/03/2019 15:49

@Bluntness100 he's 23. He's a very horrible person when he's angry, so I try to stay out of his way. It's not the first time he's said nasty things to me like this but it's usually after an argument, today I really wasn't in a mood. I was actually in a good mood as my mum had got me a lovely engraved necklace as a gift so was really chuffed. Now he's ruined it.

OP posts:
WishIWasABaller · 31/03/2019 15:53

@HundredMilesAnHour no I never asked her to babysit at all. she Offered to babysit to make it even, those were her words. I told her it wasn't necessary but she insisted so I made sure I was awake early to let her go back to bed if she wanted.

OP posts:
Angelf1sh · 31/03/2019 15:53

He’ll be back the next time he wants something, I really wouldn’t worry about it if I were you.

Samind · 31/03/2019 15:54

Sounds great OP. Just a lovely opportunity for you to forget about nasty brother and have a girly day for the rest of the day just the three of you! Your brother was out of order but don't let it ruin the rest of your day. Get out with your family and enjoy it. It's meant to be a special day for you all so don't self sabotage by doing nothing. Go for that walk and enjoy it!

WishIWasABaller · 31/03/2019 15:56

@GreatDuckCookery not much of a back story, he was a diffiicult child. he's always been very fiery, easily annoyed by anything and if things don't go his way then all hell breaks loose. Hence why I try to stay out of his way, I don't see him often as he seems to have a problem with me most of the time and it's draining trying to bite my tongue and not snap back at his sarcastic or nasty remarks when I'm in his company.

Also i know I shouldn't have swore, I'm not usually one to make a scene or do that but he really annoyed me when I tried to call him and say he took it the wrong way But he was talking over me and swearing at me. Usually I don't rise to it, today I don't know what happened in my mind

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 31/03/2019 15:57

I am sorry OP.

But please be clear with your mum and with him, once he returns (once he wants something) that you did nothing wrong and if he hadn't been abusive for no reason, none of this would have happened.

Don't take on some of the 'blame' for an abusive man throwing his weight around in the family. Don't subscribe to that dynamic. No - it's HIM. You aren't going to go on about it, you aren't going to make your mum pick sides, but you are quite clear where you stand: he did this today, because he is a nasty piece of work.

Distance yourself as much as you can, if only to stop things like this happening in front of your DD when she is older. He's poison.

FizzyGreenWater · 31/03/2019 15:58

You had every right to tell him where to get off.

Fiery? No, abusive.

I pity his poor partner, don't expect them to stay together long.

JemSynergy · 31/03/2019 15:59

I would never speak to him again if he spoke to me like that.

ScafellPoke · 31/03/2019 15:59

So you had a swearing match on the doorstep in front of your nephew? Hmm

MitziK · 31/03/2019 16:01

He'll be back asking for free babysitting the next time he thinks he's got a chance of getting a blowjob off his girlfriend for not calling her a cunt all day.

I hope she's alright, as she's stuck with him deciding to cut her child off from half his family/deciding who they see. Sounds like she needs all the support she can get.

GreatDuckCookery · 31/03/2019 16:01

He sounds really awful OP. Don’t blame yourself for any of this, try and salvage what’s left of the day for you and your mum.

BumbleBeee69 · 31/03/2019 16:02

I feel sorry for your poor Mother

WishIWasABaller · 31/03/2019 16:03

@ScafellPoke not not a swearing match and not infront of my nephew, he's not long walking so his mum had walked down the street with him as he had been in the car. They didn't hear it, the altercation was not loud until my brother decided to shout about "His kid having a dad" I never replied to that comment as I was almost at the door. I just went inside.

OP posts:
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