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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Brother ruined it or me?

116 replies

WishIWasABaller · 31/03/2019 15:33

My brother has my nephew who is 15 months, he has asked my mum to babysit this evening 3-11, mum was a bit miffed as it's mother's day but said ok. So last night she had my daughter, 11 months) overnight to make it "even" and I was grateful for it. But I woke up at 8:30am to take over, I am currently living with her for the time being.
My brother has just came around, we live on the top floor of a 4 story building, my brother insisted my mum come down to collect her gifts and to get my nephew, she was on the phone though so asked me to get him to bring my newphew/gifts up instead as his girlfriend was with him too. I did but he continued to wait outside.
My daughter was napping in her cot so I went down to get them instead, when I got down he asked where our mum was, I told him that she upstairs still on the phone, he said "I have her gifts though" i said yeah but I told you to bring everything up, he said he couldn't I asked why as there was 2 of them and he told me to "fuck off and don't speak to me like that". I didn't even say it in a bad way, I don't know what kicked him off. I was there to take everything including my nephew but he wanted to see my mum instead, which is fine but I don't understand why he couldn't come up, I tried to explain I wasn't speaking to him like shit and he has misunderstood but he wouldn't have it. Anyway, he got in a mood and told me to fuck off again, I started to walk away because I hate arguing with him he's a nasty person, and he called me a moody cunt. I got angry and called him a fat cunt, which I really shouldn't have done but it just came out, I was almost at the door and he shouted "at least my kid has a dad"
I am a single mum, long story short my daughter's dad left when I was pregnant and ive tried really hard to get him involved with DD and make it easy for him but he let us down alot so I've decided to cut him out before DD was old enough to be affected by it all. I'm also attending therapy for PND and taking anti depressants and my anxiety about my DD being affected by not having a dad gets quite bad sometimes. It's something I worry about alot. My brother knows this so the fact he said this has really hurt, my mum is also pissed off with that comment, and now my brother has taken my nephew away. The whole day is ruined, my mum is upstairs in a mood but I'm not sure if the mood is with me, we were going to take the babies out for a walk as it's a nice day and now thats not happening.
I shouldn't have called my brother a name so I feel maybe I fuelled the comment but he also fuelled my comment by calling me names first. I feel uncomfortable too worried to ask my mum if we're going out still incase she snaps, I'm already crying so I don't know what to do.

OP posts:

whymewhynow · 31/03/2019 16:05

The fact that your mother insisted on babysitting for you to "make things even" suggests that she believes there is a lot of jealousy and resentment on both sides. Your brother said some nasty things, so did you - I feel sorry for your mother having to walk a tightrope between you. It's probably best that you do not have any contact with each other - I am sure that his threat that neither you nor your mother will see his son again is empty - until you can be civil to each other.

SandyY2K · 31/03/2019 16:06

Your brother sounds horrible and it was entirely his fault.

He should have come upstairs, not expect your mum to come down from the 4th floor to carry up your nephew and her gift. That in itself was very wrong.

He sounds like an absolute fool.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 31/03/2019 16:06

Ignore the stroppy teen. Cause that's what he is. And the empty threat, won't be long until they really need a babysitter and he'll be back, probably not with his tail between his legs cause those types never do, but more like pretending the whole thing never happened. Whether your mum will consider the whole thing is blown over too is up to her. She could try and get an apology out of him, but be prepared for strop number 2 (or I'm not saying anything until YOU (OP) apologise therefore making out that you started it) then your mum might guilt you into apologising to keep the peace. It's like a script!

SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 31/03/2019 16:09

Your brothers a twat

Feel sorry for your mum, for it to happen on Mother’s Day. Her two children going at it with each other and then being told her son doesn’t want to see her again. This would break my heart.

Original poster

WishIWasABaller · 31/03/2019 16:09

@whymewhynow there is no jealousy, not from me anyway. I ask all the time if we can take my nephew to soft play or out for other activities, my brother has nothing for me to be jealous of. I've tried very hard to have a good relationship with my brother, thinking both of us having babies around the same time would bring us closer but it hasn't happened, just caused more problems.
I enjoy spending time with my nephew and my brother uses him as a weapon so I distance myself from my brother in order to keep a relationship with my nephew.

But I feel sorry for my mum also, o wish we got along so life would be better for her.

OP posts:

Stargazer888 · 31/03/2019 16:09

Your poor mom. Make her some tea and try to get her to go for a walk. Sounds like she goes over and above for both of you. I do think the fact she felt she had to babysit for you to 'make it even' sounds off. Especially given she's been nice enough to let you live with her.

As for your brother he's awful. I think you need to have clear boundaries with him.

As for your mum I think it's time to focus on her.

ScafellPoke · 31/03/2019 16:09

Your brother does sound horrible! But maybe I’m a prude but I’m shocked that you retaliated with calling him a cunt too!

I do agree with pps though, he’ll come crawling back when he needs something.

diddl · 31/03/2019 16:12

" my brother insisted my mum come down to collect her gifts and to get my nephew, "

Don't need to read further than that to see what a twat he is tbh.

Does he think that you're living the life of Riley-paying little & an on tap babysitter?

Why did your mum look after your kid when you live therethough-and more to the point-why did you let her?

AWishForWingsThatWork · 31/03/2019 16:15

Your brother is a selfish, nasty arse, but you already know that. Frankly, you are both well rid of him while he pretends he's done with both of you ... that will change the minute he wants something (money, babysitting, etc). Plan to say no quietly but firmly. Support your mum into standing up for herself.

Sorry, OP. But he really does sound vile. Who says that to their sister? About their own niece? And treat their mum so appallingly, on mother's day nonetheless?!

You would both be well rid of him.

theyellowjumper · 31/03/2019 16:15

He sounds nasty. It was thoughtless of him to ask your mum to babysit all day on Mother's day, but that might be ok if he'd come upstairs, said thank you, handed over his presents, wished her a happy day, etc. To refuse to come up and then sulk because his mum didn't come to him is just pathetic and childish, and to be nasty to his sister (especially when it's mother's day for YOU too) is horrible. Just try and enjoy the day with your mum and be glad he's not still there to ruin for you both.

diddl · 31/03/2019 16:15

Maybe the not coming up was to prove a point & make your mum do something for him & it not be you?

Idk.

Can't you & your mum still go out?

diddl · 31/03/2019 16:18

" he has asked my mum to babysit this evening 3-11, "

That's hardly an evening!

Still your mum should have said no if she didn't want to.

How often dpes your mum seer her son & GS if not babysitting?

Knittedfairies · 31/03/2019 16:18

Your brother can only ruin the day if you let him. Take your mum some tea and biscuits and enjoy the rest of the day.

BadPennyNoBiscuit · 31/03/2019 16:19

Your brother turns nasty when he doesn't get his own way over the smallest thing. I think your Mum knows this. There is nothing you or she can do to fix him, but you don't have to tolerate his abuse.

FartersDay · 31/03/2019 16:22

I've just spoke to my mum and she says she has been talking with my brother and he says she's not having him tonight

Ooh he showed her not using her for a babysitter

His poor girlfriend and your poor nephew.

"At least my kid has a dad"

"Yeah but he's massive cunt".

Stripyhoglets · 31/03/2019 16:22

So as soon as someone didn't do exactly what he wanted he kicked off - it's him not you and I'm not surprised you swore at him.
Don't fall into feeling responsible for mollifying him and excusing his horrible behaviour.

Amongstthetallgrass · 31/03/2019 16:22

Today doesn’t have to be ruined. Start afresh!

Fuck him. He will be at home fuming let him take his bad energy with him

Rtmhwales · 31/03/2019 16:23

I don't think the OP's mother offering to babysit to make it even suggests the OP is difficult or there's jealousy etc. My brother and I are the best of friends, no drama, but my mum has always been the type that if I got new school shoes because I needed them, he got them as well even if he didn't. She has this thing about being fair and equal. Could totally see her doing this. OP's mum is probably like mine.

You didn't really do much wrong OP. Ask your mum if you can take her out for a cup of tea or coffee and a cake if you can afford it. Your brother is an arse. My child's father also walked out, and my brother is his darkest moment would never dream of saying something like that about his niece or nephew.

MortyVicar · 31/03/2019 16:26

The fact that your mother insisted on babysitting for you to "make things even" suggests that she believes there is a lot of jealousy and resentment on both sides

Not necessarily. It might also be that she knows what a dick her son is, maybe feels guilty that the OP has a brother like that, and is trying to make it up to OP in her own way even if she doesn't need to.

cliquewhyohwhy · 31/03/2019 16:27

So your mum was doing him a favour but his lazy arse and lazy girlfriend couldn't be bothered to take his son and all the other things upstairs but expected your mum to do it all by herself when there was two of them. Is your brother stupid? You did nothing but retaliated. I hope you managed to save the day with your mum.

justthecat · 31/03/2019 16:29

It’s your brother that’s a dick

AnneOfCleanTables · 31/03/2019 16:29

He's trying to ruin everyone's day. Don't let him. Go out for a walk. Cuddle up and watch a movie. Do something that both you and your DM can enjoy.
As everyone else has said, your DB will be back when he needs something. He's trying to spoil the day for you, your DM and his DW. He is the one with problems.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/03/2019 16:30

Oh dear, you do not have to take responsibility for any of this!
He is a bastard, how dare he talk like that, your mum was doing him a favour and he couldn't even be arsed to go up the stairs to see her? and now he's thrown his toys out of the pram and neither of you are to see his son again?

What a twat he is.

I'm sorry you've been subjected to this level of fuckarsery, but really, it is entirely HIS fault, not yours.

NotWhatWhat · 31/03/2019 16:31

He sounds nasty but you swearing at him was a big mistake too.

You say that you calling him a fat cunt ‘just came out’, I wonder if his horrible retaliation was also something that just came out. Not excusing his behaviour for a moment but, perhaps in his mind, his nasty comment ‘just came out’.
BTW - is he actually fat? If so then it would make your comment worse.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/03/2019 16:34

Why is the OP's swearing a "big mistake" - he swore at her first, why should she be nice and take it without retaliation? Fuck that.

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