To be disappointed with the school mums

[tipsandtricks]

Supposedly “naice” area, private school (which may or may not make a difference, I don’t know) and some of the mothers are just not nice people!

They gossip, they show off, they try to manipulate the teachers (and it works with some), they do not discipline their children, they are competitive to the point of making nasty remarks to 4 year olds if they have won a prize and their child hasn’t and they flout the school rules (hair length, uniform, no fighting) because they are paying so “what are they going to do?!” 😕

I don’t know what I was expecting but this is like a group of mean girls who have had children and still think they are in the playground.

@moofolk People who send their kids to private school think they are better than other people, or at least would like to believe they are better than other people

This is quite astonishingly wrong.

I've not met anyone who thinks like this, whilst there may be some, you get this in state schools moreso.

People who send their kids to private school think they are better than other people, or at least would like to believe they are better than other people.

That's why they don't want their kids to go to school with normal kids.

Don't be ridiculous.

All kinds of women have babies, because most women have babies. They remain the same women. I have had kids in both state and private schools and have not found one set to be nicer than the other.

Having said that, a form is a small data set (especially a private school form) and it will only take a couple of competitive mothers to create an atmosphere of cattiness and skew the data towards bitchiness. I have seen that happen at our three form school. One form in year is full of mums having issues with each other while the mums from the class next door are all sunshine and lollipops.

In response to PP arguing about this: I was in the last year that Assisted Places were available and that was in 1997 as Tony Blair banned the Tory scheme when he was elected.

The original assisted place scheme is not interchangeable with a scholarship. Assisted places were means tested and you had to have a very low household income, I think around £25k. To get the assisted place you had to pass the entrance exam and be in the top 15%.

DS was in private primary, and started seniors in private school.

I find that parents of primary kids state or private are generally bloody awful!

It’s a lot better once the kids enter secondary school.

State or private, other parents can be awful!!

Why does anyone have kids if it's this much hassle? Seriously it seems like totally changes once you've popped out a sprog or two.

I don’t live my life through school,and it has minimal impact on my adult life
Sure it’s important for my kids,it’s their social and educational environment
For me,no. I don’t be derive my social life or social,status from School

Some people who acquire money eg through inheritance, outlandish salaries for no skill do seem to adopt this I am better than you and you should be grateful if I acknowledge you exist attitude. I have found a lot of people who are or have been accustomed to money have generally been less inclined to act as if they are superior. I encountered all sorts in a previous job. Think of all the folk who once they become famous through exposure in the media all of a sudden think they are the bees knees. Ignore them, be yourself. Money really can't by happiness.

Some of the comments on here are beyond ridiculous. I don’t send my children to private school because I think I am better than anyone else. I send my children to private school because it offers an education that my local state school cannot provide and suits my children’s needs better. It is also much more ethnically and religiously diverse than my local school.

Nothing to do with private/state schools, I've been shocked at how nasty and bitchy some school mums are, they're worse than some high schoolers! Some are decent though...like in any walk of life.

Why did you choose the school what attracted you about its values and atmosphere
In our school year groups vary sooo much. Mostly the more relaxed year groups have more balanced parent/grandparent involvement from both sides and the scratchier groups are mum centric. I say that as an AHM

Sorry but private schools are not diverse. They are so expensive here even solicitors and doctors kids don’t go. The kids there are all from very wealthy families that is not diversity as I understand it anyway

I sent my eldest dc to a nursery attached to a prep thinking it would be a nice calm therapeutic environment and it was a bit like walking into Lord of the Flies. When I asked the key worker why she didn't step in when the children behaved appallingly to each other I was told I was precious.

Generalising about the niceness or not niceness private/state school mother’s is daft. Generalising about school mothers as a whole is super daft. GeneraliIizing about private school parents are going to be less socially and financially diverse than state school parents is just fact. Not necessarily a positive or a negative fact (that depends on the context) just a fact.

It’s nothing to do with whether the school is private or not. DD goes to a village state school in a very naice area and I initially felt the same sort of disappointment as OP for the same reasons. I’ve come to accept it though and have very little to do with 90% of the parents I come across, other than a friendly smile and a hello. I just concentrate on the very few friendships I have made at the school and continue to support my daughters education and the school itself where I can.

Sometimes it's just luck.

Dc1 class parents are lovely...chatty, approachable and friendly.

Dc2 class parents are a ghastly bunch. They are all besties (yay!). You are either a bestie (yay!) or you're shit on their shoe. I'm the latter, despite being a pretty normal type of person! There is no middle ground of just being able to say hi and have a quick chat.

Nothing to do with social class either.

Their behaviour may be getting them results now but ultimately they aren’t equipping their children for life in the real world. Keep cool, do your thing and look out for some nice, non mean girl friends.

You get thrown together with these people whether you like them or not... that’s the problem. And some are competitive to the point of nasty. Let them get on with it.

It’s a shame if you don’t make a single friend via this stage of your life. You are “thrown together” in the same way you are with your own school mates, university peers and work colleagues yet making friends with them is seen as perfectly acceptable yet making friends with fellow parents seen as sad or “living your life through the school”. Never understood that one.

Sad in what way?if they aren’t compatible and don’t click so be it
Living life through school is the frothy pta who have convoluted friendships
I’m more likely to make friends at work than school.at work we all have same professional qualifications,shared ethics and values and chose to be there
School mums are women who have children in the same year group. And live in catchment. Or in case Of prep school chose the school.thats tenuous and maybe not enough for genuine friendship

Nah. My “mum friends” are more like minded than my university friends and a damn sight more fun than my work friends.

Nothing frothy about them either. Careers vary from shelf stacker to professor. Think it’s good to have broader mix of friends who wants to hang out with solicitors?

I don’t have mum friends,I have friends
Mum friends?Do you mean a friendship based solely on being mums?