Really fucked off with DP -AIBU

[lastqueenofscotland]

He thinks I’ve overreacted. I am seething.

He’d not met my mother before and because of where she lives you can’t sort of meet for lunch to introduce each other so ended up planning to go up this weekend.
I thought I’d show him the town nearest our house in the evening and have a drink or two.
By some coincidence he bumped into a group of friends who were up here on a walking holiday, and ended up staying out with them. Getting in (after moaning about a really expensive taxi) really very late (well gone midnight), he called me which woke me up to let him back in.
I’m staying for a few more days and he had an early train back, so he had to leave without actually saying goodbye or thanking my mother despite the fact she cooked us all a lovely lunch and he’s drunk plenty of naice wine and gin.

Im really really pissed off but I don’t know if I’m overreacting

Surely he said thank you at/immediately after the lunch?

Way to create a good first impression with your DP’s Mum !
He’s behaved like an arse, as a one off perhaps you could forgive but if it’s part of a pattern I would have a rethink

He does sound a delightful guest.....I'd be seething as well if I were you.

I would be apoplectic if I was you. What an arse. What does your mum think?

Yeah I think that's fairly rude tbh.

I'd be really annoyed and probably embarrassed by his behaviour.

How long are you together?

Do you think it really was a coincidence that a group of his friends happened to be on a holiday where you were, and they had room for him at their holiday place?
He didn't want to meet your mum, by the sounds of it.

Sorry, just re-read, he just stayed out with them, not all night. He doesn't sound very nice.

We’ve been together for 10 months, and we aren’t super young, I’m —very— late twenties and he’s in his thirties...
He’s generally a lovely, kind, engaging man but has moments, like this, of infuriating selfishness/thoughtlessness that I’m amazed he’s blind to.

What an oaf.

So did you both go out for a couple of drinks then you went back to your mums alone and he stopped out?

It is rude of him but everyone makes mistakes and this isn't the worst mistake in the world. I would tell him how disappointed you are and leave it at that.

Not really sure about this, didn't he thank your mother the night before knowing he'd have to get an early train? I think the night out might annoy me a bit - he should probably have just come home with you. I think it could just be a miscommunication though. He felt it was a laid back weekend staying with your mum you felt it was an important chance to introduce dp to your mum and make a good impression.

I’m confused though as if he was always going to take an early train back when would he have thanked your mum? When you both got back from having a drink if you’d expected to be early?
I wouldn’t be impressed if my DH did that; the weekend was to visit your mum and spend time together, he can see his friends another time.
When he wanted to stay out with them and you went home did you say to him you wanted him to come home?

Why didn’t he say goodbye to your mother this morning? Were you invited to stay out with his friends?

I think you've been with him 10 months too long.

^ Aquamarine is exactly right!

Sorry for a bit more context we left the house at half 4 to pop to the town to show him said town as it is pretty/has a couple of nice pubs, planned to be back by about 7 at the very latest. Was never meant to be a “night out.”

Think that'll be the last time he meets your mother.

So hopefully he plans to send a nice card to your mum to thank her and apologise for not doing so in person.
I was taught always to follow up with a card or a phone call/ message even if I had thanked the hosts in person.
It is nice to make the effort.
If he doesn't do that then you have learned something about his character.

How did that conversation go? When he met his friends and said "I'm going to stay with them". What did you say?
Very odd situation.

YANBU

He’s very rude.

If he phones your mum to thank her for hosting him, and sends her a nice bunch of flowers, without you having to ask him to do that, then he can redeem himself, but I suspect he won’t.

He doesn't sound like a nice or decent sort of person. And is rude.

What Aquamarine said ^^

@auntie it went a bit like “are you joking?” And him being confused about why I was annoyed at this. So I just said i wasn’t going to spell it out to him and went home

Oof, that was unspeakable rude of him to stay out. I'd be mortified.

Rude and selfish. Obviously doesn't care about the impression he made on your Mum.