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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really fucked off with DP -AIBU

103 replies

lastqueenofscotland · 31/03/2019 10:05

He thinks I’ve overreacted. I am seething.

He’d not met my mother before and because of where she lives you can’t sort of meet for lunch to introduce each other so ended up planning to go up this weekend.
I thought I’d show him the town nearest our house in the evening and have a drink or two.
By some coincidence he bumped into a group of friends who were up here on a walking holiday, and ended up staying out with them. Getting in (after moaning about a really expensive taxi) really very late (well gone midnight), he called me which woke me up to let him back in.
I’m staying for a few more days and he had an early train back, so he had to leave without actually saying goodbye or thanking my mother despite the fact she cooked us all a lovely lunch and he’s drunk plenty of naice wine and gin.

Im really really pissed off but I don’t know if I’m overreacting Blush

OP posts:
XiCi · 31/03/2019 12:32

If you'd both gone back to your mum's a little later due to you also being with his friends maybe OK

I think this is the crux of it really. Does this happen at home, him usually staying out a lot later than you? If I'd have taken DH to my home town when we'd just started dating in our 20s it would have been absolutely fine for us to have had a nice, long leisurely lunch with my parents then the two of us to go out for the night. I don't think this rude at all and I know for a fact my parents wouldnt. It's the fact he stayed out and left you to go back alone which is out of order (and embarrassing for you). Just out of interest did you have any plans for when you arrived home at 7pm? Was you mum expecting you to do something with her?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 31/03/2019 12:37

At best he’s thick (and I don’t believe that for a second). So either way not someone you’d have a good relationship with.

PregnantSea · 31/03/2019 12:38

YANBU. Very rude of him.

qazxc · 31/03/2019 12:47

This when I wish that mumsnet had a red flag emoticon.
This isn't the first time he has behaved like a selfish and insensitive prick and it won't be the last, you do not have to be around his shitty behaviour however.

liamhemsworthsrealwife · 31/03/2019 12:48

So he's out on a trip with you to meet mum, and he ditches you to go get pissed - knowing you were annoyed about it, and then leaves without a goodbye to your mum.

I agree it's ten months too long. He's a knob.

Annasgirl · 31/03/2019 12:55

Well like others have said, he has shown you who he is and it is not nice.

Please get rid of him, you are so young and you have the chance to meet someone who deserves you. If this happened to my daughter when she gets to your age, I would be furious and I would never forgive him.

They don't change, selfish people never ever become selfless, as many have said, read the relationships board to see how it will pan out if you marry / stay together and have DC. Please end it now while it is still uncomplicated.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 31/03/2019 12:56

What exactly was he expected to be doing with your mother from 7 to 9 (if that is her bedtime)? He did meet your mother, I dont get this expectation he has to spend every second possible with her.

For a 30 something man to 'meet up' with his friends whilst he is on holiday and get back at midnight sounds like pretty normal behaviour. If your going to dump him for choosing his friends over a few hours in front of the telly with your mum then you wont be in any relationship for very long.

XiCi · 31/03/2019 13:14

Exactly Walkingdeadfangirl. Unless something specific had been planned it seems odd to expect to be sat at home at 7pm. I know my parents wouldnt have expected that from me and DH when we visited.

StarlingsEverywhere · 31/03/2019 13:29

Maybe, oh I don’t know, being sociable? Since it’s the very first time he met her and he was a guest in her home? I really worry about your social skills if you think it’s acceptable to treat a new partner’s parent’s home like a hotel the very first time you meet them, especially if your partner isn’t on board.

StarlingsEverywhere · 31/03/2019 13:31

Or perhaps it’s just that you’re still very young and immature?

Graphista · 31/03/2019 13:32

When it's only a few days AND they weren't with op's mum the whole time anyway I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect he make the effort for someone who has welcomed him into their home, hosted them generously to spend a mere 2 hours in company, conversing, getting to know the mother of the op whom they're supposed to love/care for.

Hell he could even have gone out after OP'S mum went to bed and caught up with his friends then, though I'd have considered even that pushing it on the manners/making an effort for the op front.

This was NOT meant to be lads weekend away yet that's how he's behaved.

user1471592953 · 31/03/2019 13:40

I would end the relationship too.

There is no way my now DH would have abandoned me and gone out with other friends during the weekend he first met my mother. He wanted to meet her and spend time with her because she is MY mother. He also wouldn’t have dropped me like a hot brick in the first place.

Please don’t give him any more of your time.

diddl · 31/03/2019 16:49

" it seems odd to expect to be sat at home at 7pm. I know my parents wouldnt have expected that from me and DH when we visited."

No, but they probably wouldn't have expected him to stay out & you come home alone either.

ElloBrian · 31/03/2019 16:53

I think my attitude to this would depend on whether he realised that he made a bad decision. What has he said since, OP? Has he apologised, acknowledged that it wasn’t the right thing to do?

I would also be wondering about his desire to drink and the extent to which it interferes with the rest of his life.

XiCi · 31/03/2019 17:36

No, but they probably wouldn't have expected him to stay out & you come home alone either

Yes your right diddl. We would either have both stayed out or both come home. Don't think I've ever been home from the pub at 7pm though Wink

diddl · 31/03/2019 17:39

" Don't think I've ever been home from the pub at 7pm though"

Ooh I have-it was a lunch that started at 12Grin

JenniferJareau · 01/04/2019 06:50

By some coincidence he bumped into a group of friends who were up here on a walking holiday

Doubt it was a coincidence tbh. What are the odds, even if they were in the general area, that they just happened to be in the exact same place at the same time as your bf? I bet he tipped them off by text to meet him.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/04/2019 07:18

For a 30 something man to 'meet up' with his friends whilst he is on holiday and get back at midnight sounds like pretty normal behaviour

Well actually in my family that isn't normal behaviour at all on a family holiday. But it wasn't a holiday anyway. He was staying one night with his new(ish) gf's mother and he went out drinking on his own.

That wouldn't work for me. Obviously some people think it's ok though so you've just got to decide how you feel about it. Which doesn't seem great.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/04/2019 07:20

Unless something specific had been planned it seems odd to expect to be sat at home at 7pm

I don't think that's odd at all. If you don't see much of your family because of distance etc then a night in chatting, drinking wine, watching a film, playing games etc is lovely

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2019 07:23

I don't know what's to think about, he was there to visit your mother and went out on the piss with mates instead. It's incredibly rude.

I don't really understand the bit about him leaving early. Surely you all knew that anyway, it was planned.

I get why you're angry though, you will have wanted your mum to think well of him, and instead you've brought home some wanker who goes and gets pissed with his mates and let's you down.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 01/04/2019 07:37

Dump him-rude git

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 01/04/2019 07:45

LOl at holiday Grin

How did he get back in at night? So rude staying at someone’s place and at least not ask THEM if it’s OK to come back so late.

Littlechocola · 01/04/2019 07:49

He thought it was a holiday rather than a trip to meet your family.

Maybe he’s scared that meeting the family means it’s getting serious so decided to act like a child.

OrchidInTheSun · 01/04/2019 07:49

I assume the OP means that he was supposed to have come back with her so would have seen her mum last night to thank her for her hospitality. Instead he went out on the lash and got an early train this morning.

Extremely rude

OhioOhioOhio · 01/04/2019 07:55

Yeah he's not a keeper and he's not treating you like one either.