AIBU to not babysit my niece

[BloodyNorasNeighbour]

Having a very difficult week with my DH. He is between jobs and has been off this week. I am the major breadwinner and work very long hours. I asked him whilst he was off this week if he could do three things for us - clean the house, clear the ironing mountain and put up three blinds. Told him I didn’t care how much time he spent doing things for himself (ie golf, gym, out with friends) but could he please just do those 3 things. Today is the 6th day straight on the golf course He has also been out three evenings. He has done the ironing and cleaned 2 bathrooms, no blinds put up. I am furious and sick to death of being taken for a mug who does everything whilst he is a passenger in our lives. I have just received a text from him whilst he is playing golf with his brother. They are going to the theatre tonight and I had bought tickets to take our son to the cinema whilst they are at the theatre. He has asked if I can get an extra ticket for my niece as my brother in law has no childcare for them to go out. I feel used and a complete mug. I love my niece and to nbevfair my BIL is lovely too but I am furious and so upset with my husband I have said no. AIBU?

I'd be tempted to reply that there's a change of plans he's taking the kids to the cinema and you're off out with some friends.

well, it might have been nice to take dneice too?
and you asked for 3 things.
say, you will take her if he puts blinds up? or one blind up at least? make him swear on his life!

Depends. Is it a one off? Is this between jobs thing a rare break for your DH, who works hard at other times, or is he always like this? If its a one off I would, if hes always like this, Id say no.

why isn't he doing more at home rather than farting about on the golf course [ i'm a big golf fan] but 6 days on the go ? he could take son and niece to cinema and give YOU a break

Thanks for your replies. Him having a full week off is rare. He takes odd days here and there may be 4-5:year to go on golf days or walking with his mates. I am the one who takes the school holidays to spend time with our DS9. He never does jobs around the house. It is a massive bone of contention in our relationship. He promised me faithfully he would do these jobs this week and has done this many times before and let me down (hence why I made him promise this time around)

will he do the blinds if you dont babysit neice though?

YANBU. He’s taking the piss.

He said he would put the blinds up. Why should OP have to further negotiate him doing this? Ridiculous.

Are you sure he's actually capable of doing it? He might be avoiding it because he's unsure how? Or he does it for a job and really can't be arsed outside of work time? Or he's a bit of a nob?

Probably not Hyacinth, the tickets for his theatre show were booked a few weeks ago, he did want me to go but it’s not my thing and certainly not DS9 thing so I said I would do something nice with DS9 instead - hence why we booked the cinema. Also we were with BIL and DN last weekend. DN said she didn’t want to come and wanted to go to her best friends instead. Hence on that info I just booked the 2 cinema tickets for me and DS9. Now this morning I get asked to add her in.

Putting up the blinds & babysitting the niece are totally unrelated imo - one should not be a condition for the other. OP has asked him to do 3 things in a full week to aid the running of the house & he hasn’t.
I’d say sorry you can’t babysit DN but he can take both DS & DN to cinema as it’s your turn for some down time!

yanbu op

He is very capable of cleaning the house and putting up the blinds. He has put up these blinds before at least 6-7 times in the past few years so it is not that.

I would text back "Blinding idea - not! No I will not"

I'd be tempted to say they've sold out. He'd check though, right?

Just say sorry I can’t change our plans, maybe you should change yours

Oh Janet that’s is brilliant- thank you for making me laugh when I am furious! Made me feel much better

Yeah I think he would check

anyway, if you have booked seats she will be sitting on her own!

I think I would say ‘I asked her last week if she wanted to go and she didn’t. Sorry, it’s too late now.’

You don’t just buy tickets for the theatre that morning. What was the brother’s plan for childcare??

I would feel totally taken advantage in your situation and would say no. How dare he assume you’ll just pick up all the pieces at the last minute when he’s been playing golf all week and you’ve been working!

I think BIL had planned to send her to her best friends as she had requested but that must have fallen through. I have just checked the cinema and the seat next to us is free.

If you have booked seats you can't guarantee dn would be next to you anyway.
Personally I would be looking for a hunky blind fitter. Maybe a few other handymen to visit while dh is at work....

when did marriage / relationships become a trade off - i'll do the house work if you do the shopping? you live under the same roof and both benefit from the outcome. 'he helps out with housework' that's big considering he helps make the mess. [sorry - needed to vent]

I think your husband being a pain in the arse is separate from your BIL and niece, so effectively you are 'punishing' them for his faults. (If BIL had texted you himself, how would you have responded?)

Mind you, as PP said, if theatre has been planned for awhile, what was the original plan for your niece this evening?