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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not babysit my niece

117 replies

BloodyNorasNeighbour · 30/03/2019 09:19

Having a very difficult week with my DH. He is between jobs and has been off this week. I am the major breadwinner and work very long hours. I asked him whilst he was off this week if he could do three things for us - clean the house, clear the ironing mountain and put up three blinds. Told him I didn’t care how much time he spent doing things for himself (ie golf, gym, out with friends) but could he please just do those 3 things. Today is the 6th day straight on the golf course He has also been out three evenings. He has done the ironing and cleaned 2 bathrooms, no blinds put up. I am furious and sick to death of being taken for a mug who does everything whilst he is a passenger in our lives. I have just received a text from him whilst he is playing golf with his brother. They are going to the theatre tonight and I had bought tickets to take our son to the cinema whilst they are at the theatre. He has asked if I can get an extra ticket for my niece as my brother in law has no childcare for them to go out. I feel used and a complete mug. I love my niece and to nbevfair my BIL is lovely too but I am furious and so upset with my husband I have said no. AIBU?

OP posts:
Jokie · 30/03/2019 09:46

As much as I don't want to penalise DN, I'd say: nope. Or maybe, sure, when you've finished putting up all the blinds. Not going to do that today? Then no.

MummaGiles · 30/03/2019 09:49

Honestly? I’d take DN. I know you’re annoyed at DH but you shouldn’t take that out on your BIL. It’s his childcare that has fallen through. Will BIL pay towards the ticket, snacks etc?

Separately, have an honest talk with your DH about your disappointment at him not doing the cleaning and putting the blinds back up when he’s had all week.

Xenadog · 30/03/2019 09:50

Tell your husband to fuck off. Seriously he is a parasite.

No you’re not adding your niece to your plans and he’d better get the jobs done that he was meant to. BIL can sort out his own childcare issues.

I honestly don’t know what the issue is, 6 days of playing golf and going out in the evenings sounds like the life of Riley. I’d be mega pissed off with him and telling him he needs to step up and stop offering your time as a babysitting service.

Original poster
BloodyNorasNeighbour · 30/03/2019 09:50

Ok I’ve sent this text back:

”To be honest DH, no I can't. I'm sick of being the mug who does everything whilst you spend every waking hour on the golf course. If you can't do 2 simple things for me I don't see why I should be doing stuff for you and your family. It sad this is what we have come to but I have had enough.”

OP posts:
JenniferJareau · 30/03/2019 09:52

I'd text back 'Have you put the blinds up as you faithfully promised? Have you cleaned the whole house like you faithfully promised? No. So I won't be babysitting'.

Your DN is noting to do with this imo.

ElektraUnchained · 30/03/2019 09:53

Fair enough.

Morgan12 · 30/03/2019 09:54

That's a great reply OP. Enough is enough. He is ripping it.

KateGrey · 30/03/2019 09:54

The thing is he’s not doing things for you. He’s doing things for the family. His family. I’m the one at home but we have three kids and two have disabilities and we’ve only just got the youngest into school. Your dh sounds likes he taking you for a fool. I’ve found now I’m not working from home I’ve lost structured so I do find it hard to gear up. That said I also have adhd. He sounds like a lazy fuck.

FFSFFSFFS · 30/03/2019 09:55

If you can't do 2 simple things for me

This is my only quibble with what you've written.

Cleaning the house and putting up the blinds are NOT for you!!!

Why is cleaning the house and having blinds your responsibility !

He is doing them for him as much as for you!

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 30/03/2019 10:00

Yeah he taking you for a mug.

ohfourfoxache · 30/03/2019 10:00

Why the fuck are you with this leech?

DeadZed · 30/03/2019 10:02

It does seem a bit tight for the DN - your quarrel is with your DH, not his brother or the niece. However I understand why your upset with your DH, it just seems unfair to drag his family into it when the reality is he is solely at fault.

Tachy · 30/03/2019 10:02

I feel bad for your DN, can they get theatre tickets for her? I imagine she's going to be the one most affected by this 😓

AnyOldPrion · 30/03/2019 10:03

Good response.

Though after many years of being treated as a second class citizen in my own home, then witnessed the same thing being transferred onto my children, I might have recommended a message that said:

Yes, I’d be happy to take my niece. By the way, I’m leaving you. Don’t forget to take your golf clubs.

MadameAnchou · 30/03/2019 10:05

Yeah, I'd have left out the 'for me'. What a lazy waster! I'd be well fucked off. How often is he 'between jobs'?

InDubiousBattle · 30/03/2019 10:05

Book the seat, take your ds and niece and have a nice evening. Your BIL and niece haven't done anything wrong.

MadameAnchou · 30/03/2019 10:20

She's already said no, InDubois. I don't blame her, I'd have lost my shit with him long ago. And fuck the 'for me', he's not permanent holiday.

WatershedMoment · 30/03/2019 10:20

Ask him to arrange for a blind fitter if he cant do it himself, and he can pay. Did he realise how important this was to you? I dont see the golfing as a problem as it sounds like rare holiday for him, but if he knew how important it was to you, thats.not good.

WatershedMoment · 30/03/2019 10:21

*how important putting up blinds were

Loseitandkeepitlost · 30/03/2019 10:25

How about your BIL takes niece to theatre and your DH can take DS to the cinema whilst you have a night off?

It's not your responsibility to fix your BIL's childcare issues, no matter how well you get on. Why has the issue only come to light this morning?

Original poster
BloodyNorasNeighbour · 30/03/2019 10:29

He has changed jobs a couple of times over the last 5 years. He took about 15 months off by taking Voluntary redundancy about 4 years ago as we were moving and I was starting a new job and we both felt it would be good to have one of us able to focus on some building work we had planned and settling our son into a new school. That was a disaster and the hardest 15 months of our marriage. We very nearly split up because he was a lazy bastard then and did fuck all - leaving me to do it all again whilst he fucked about whinging because he didn’t want to move. I’m just so angry I thought things were improving in our relationship of late and that my ask was more than reasonable. I’m just so upset and fed up. He knew exactly how important this was and could have done all these jobs in one day and been done with it. Now I will spend my Saturday stripping beds and cleaning as he can’t be arsed.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 30/03/2019 10:33

Woohoo good for you OP your DH is being a cheeky shit!

If he's so worried about his niece why can't he look after her?!

You've put your foot down and it sounds like it's been a long time coming don't backtrack now or backdown you deserve to be treated like an equal not like the unpaid help and childminder!

GreenTulips · 30/03/2019 10:34

I feel bad for your DN

Why? She said DN didn’t want to go, so it’s down to her dad to arrange childcare, and as quite often happens people aren’t available at short notice.

Her dad will have to either find something or GOSH look after her himself

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 30/03/2019 10:34

Good message, BloodyNoras.
Can't be doing with the whole "can't you just be nice and take niece" nonsense, when it's nothing to do with the niece and everything to do with enabling your DH to continue to do exactly as he pleases and not the jobs he was asked to do.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 30/03/2019 10:39

So what exactly is he contributing to this marriage? I'd wait until he was back in work and so not able to claim spousal support or make out he is primary carer, then I'd ltb.