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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not babysit my niece

117 replies

BloodyNorasNeighbour · 30/03/2019 09:19

Having a very difficult week with my DH. He is between jobs and has been off this week. I am the major breadwinner and work very long hours. I asked him whilst he was off this week if he could do three things for us - clean the house, clear the ironing mountain and put up three blinds. Told him I didn’t care how much time he spent doing things for himself (ie golf, gym, out with friends) but could he please just do those 3 things. Today is the 6th day straight on the golf course He has also been out three evenings. He has done the ironing and cleaned 2 bathrooms, no blinds put up. I am furious and sick to death of being taken for a mug who does everything whilst he is a passenger in our lives. I have just received a text from him whilst he is playing golf with his brother. They are going to the theatre tonight and I had bought tickets to take our son to the cinema whilst they are at the theatre. He has asked if I can get an extra ticket for my niece as my brother in law has no childcare for them to go out. I feel used and a complete mug. I love my niece and to nbevfair my BIL is lovely too but I am furious and so upset with my husband I have said no. AIBU?

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 30/03/2019 12:57

Your response was a good one. He sounds like he needs a reality check.

AcrossthePond55 · 30/03/2019 13:08

He came home not because he realizes you were right, he came home to 'do chores' so you'd take DN. I still wouldn't do it. That's going to start a game of 'tit for tat' in household duties and that's no way to run a marriage.

LIZS · 30/03/2019 13:14

So have you agreed to take her now?

Yabbers · 30/03/2019 13:43

Still wouldn’t take her. He’s come back to do it because he needs you to do a favour for his brother, not because he is sorry for not doing it.

Stand firm.

nespressowoo · 30/03/2019 13:46

Don't take her. She is not your problem.

Holidayshopping · 30/03/2019 15:36

What did you decide to do?

Original poster
BloodyNorasNeighbour · 30/03/2019 17:45

I’m still not sure what to do - I feel awful and I know he is expecting me to give in and take her else I will look awful to BIL and DN. I just feel I can’t win no matter what I do. DH has said that BIL has said he will go with DN and take DH ticket. I know I will end up with a week of sulking if I don’t take her. Just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 30/03/2019 17:48

I would stand firm, the sulking behaviour is awful and further evidence of how little he thinks of you, your marriage and your family unit.

How dare he sulk!!!

nespressowoo · 30/03/2019 17:48

Let the big pansy sulk!

SugarHockeyIcedTea · 30/03/2019 17:50

What a big bairn!

Don't give him this inch OP or you are never going to claw back all the miles and miles he's going to take.

mumsie8 · 30/03/2019 17:50

I would let him sulk. Easy as it is for us to say i realise but if you do it now he will just continue in this way. He has past form after all.

HollowTalk · 30/03/2019 17:53

I think you should be the one having an adult night out with your friends, tbh. You've worked hard all week while he's been on his bloody holidays. Let him take both kids to the cinema. Your BIL can find someone else to go with.

Bluearsedfly36 · 30/03/2019 17:56

Let him sulk OP xx

Drum2018 · 30/03/2019 17:57

Let him sulk. You give in now he just confirms that you are being a walk over. Stand up for yourself. If he asks again say you haven't changed your mind and are taking Ds as planned. Even if Dh is left at home you and Ds need to go and leave him there to think bloody hard about what he has done.

Sexnotgender · 30/03/2019 18:01

A week of sulking? What an unattractive trait.

Quartz2208 · 30/03/2019 18:01

YOu have started you cannot cave now.

If he stays at home that is his fault not yours. Take your DS to the cinema

Janedoughnut · 30/03/2019 18:03

OP if you don't make a stand and say no then nothing will change.

CheshireChat · 30/03/2019 18:10

You have to say no otherwise he'll keep doing it and think that all it takes to appease you is a cup of tea.

GinUp · 30/03/2019 18:16

He's only doing the work now because he thinks there's going to be something in it for him. It wasn't worth his while when he thought it was something he was doing to make your life easier.

Don't give in to the man-toddler's sulking.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/03/2019 18:20

he is expecting me to give in

in that case...

LET HIM SULK.

Only before you do, tell him that you're seriously considering whether you want this life, with him, any more. And whether he now sulks for a week because you haven't given in to the blackmail as usual will play a part in that decision.

Bluntness100 · 30/03/2019 18:20

Let your brother in law go and take his daughter, not your problem.

CheshireChat · 30/03/2019 18:22

GinUp that's actually a very good point.

Just say to him

'You're only doing what I asked right now because not doing it might impact negatively on you as well, not just me.'

RedDogsBeg · 30/03/2019 18:23

Let him sulk.

I know he is expecting me to give in and take her else I will look awful to BIL and DN

You WON'T look awful to BiL and Dn, you are not their back up childcare to make it easy for your dh to go out with his brother. You have made arrangements, you are sticking to those arrangements, you were asked to change them, you said no as you have every right to do so. You are just making it clear to BiL that, irrespective of the impression his brother has given him, you are not at their beck and call.

Your dh misses out, so what he is a supposed to be an adult these things happen when you have a child to consider pity he hasn't noticed that before now.

The choices are clear, either you cave in and your plans and the evening out with your son is impacted upon and your dh thinks that, yet again, he and his wants come first before everything, or, you stick to your plans and leave it to others to sort out the mess that is nothing to do with you and your dh realises he is not the centre of the universe and on this occasion he has to give way.

Boysey45 · 30/03/2019 18:29

If he wont do jobs round the house then I'd leave him.Is not fair on you to be carrying him.
I'd say unless he changed his ways its over.

Ginger1982 · 30/03/2019 18:33

Don't take her. This is your evening having some nice time with your DS. Let her dad work out his childcare. Where's her mum?