Would you let your child sleep over at this persons house? [Trigger warning added by MNHQ: mentions of child abuse]

[GunpowderGelatine]

Say you have a very close family member who is knowingly married to a peadophile. He has never been arrested, charged or convicted but only because his victim has never gone to the police, but the wife is aware of the accusations and you are 100% certain they're true.

Say your DD (6) has purposefully never met this man for this reason, but the wife visits from time to time but she has never looked after your DD alone.

If the wife - who again is very closely related to you - of the accused paedophile asked if she could have your DD overnight where she's staying nearby, what would you say? You don't suspect this woman of abuse yourself and and she is staying at another family members nearby, which is where the sleepover would happen? And, wether your answer is yes or no, what is the reason?

I ask because I am in this situation and without giving details (though I've posted before about this man) I need to know if I'm making the right decision in what I've decided about the sleepover

Absofuckinglutely not. You mad?

For the PP who has read the OPs other threads, why not try reading this one fully before commenting.

Have some compassion and understanding for what the OP has suffered. My intial reaction was "do you even need to ask" but you only need to read the OPs posts to see why she's posted this.

Just no.

It's a relatively short thread. Could you try reading it before posting?

No. He might show up.

Is there really any need to be quite so vicious Tuco? Go back to bed and get out the right side then read the thread.

I read it all. It's still my response. The mother knocks me sick.

I'm not sure why this is even a question. Of course you wouldn't.

@Harebel

Because why would they bother to do that?

I know I'm not the Thread Police and this has been done to death, but why can't people read the OP's posts before commenting? Especially on threads like these?

OP - could you get this moved to Relationships? You will probably get fewer thoughtless responses.

I wonder if this thread needs to be moved into off the beaten track or 30 days only etc?

I wish people would at least read the OP updates before jumping in, particularly with harsh comments. Common sense should tell you that there must be something more for OP to be asking.

OP be proud of being a survivor and of being a proper mother to your DC despite the appalling example of your own mother

It’s really not difficult to highlight the op posts, just only read them if you don’t want to read the whole thread.

Rather than post some of the crap that’s now being posted.

Oh, GunpowderGelatine I am so sorry at what happened to you.

And it is quite something when strangers on the Internet empathise with you more than your own Mum did, She stood by him twice, after each disclosure / discovery.

And the whispering, trying to create a secret between you and your Dd, trying to manipulate your Dd behind your back...

No.

She just behaves worse and worse, doesn’t she?

And I would not let her take a single picture of your Dd either.

Sorry about your Grandad, and it is sad for him but the sooner she gets the flight home the better.

The whispering would be a final straw for me. I don’t think she would see Dd again, let alone have a sleepover. Can you imagine? She wants to play Golden Grandma and has a grandstanding Skype call with her DH.....

I think you should just be brutally honest with your Mum because she's clearly delusional and in denial. I'd go NC and she wouldn't be seeing DD.

Categorically not. She cannot keep your child safe if she's still with this monster, even fucking worse that's it's your own mother. How the fuck can she stay with him?

Let her cry and complain, she is a fucking disgrace

for you though, what a horrific thing to be dealing with.

Not ever. She chose to stay with him, I would never trust her alone with my child. If. she doesn't like it tough, your child's safety comes first.

No, and I'd cut her off too.

OP if she brings up your MIL having your DD again tell her that is because she is not an enabler of child rape that should shut her up!

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that, OP.

Just one thing: your mother is complicit. I would cut of any ties with both of them. I know it's hard to hear, but your mother is enabling a paedophile.

I would suggest finding some therapy for yourself. This is a really horrible thing to have to experience - both your past experience and its current aftermath.

I remember you from your previous posts. I'm not sure as Iv not checked but I think I posted then too. I have been thinking about you.

Nc is not something you want which while in this situation I don't agree with (for your sake, as she is regularly consciously retraumatising you) I have to respect because it's you that has to live this life so it's entirely your decision.

You need to stop protecting her feelings gun.

She (and you) is an adult, she has made choices and in return she has forced you to make certain choices to protect your child and to an extent yourself.

there is nothing wrong with the truth she is forcing you in to the narrative she has created which means you too are (imo very unfairly) forced into lying about the past.

Can I have dd overnight
No mum
Why her other granny has her though.

Your answer should not be we're busy, it should you can't and won't protect her mum.
You have proven that by your behaviour about me. I will never allow you to hurt my child like you have hurt me and I will never again allow you to pretend nothing happened.

I love you but stop pretending because I won't and it's your choice where are relationship goes next but I'm never going to pretend again.

Of course no! I think I'd find it difficult to have any relationship with her given she's sticking by her husband.

No brainier. No.

Why does she need to have your child overnight anyway?

Am I reading this right? Of course you wouldn't let your child stay. What the actual...