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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Helping your married dd

406 replies

MrsCasares · 29/03/2019 19:24

Just canvassing opinions as don’t want to be an interfering mum.

Dd and her dh both work full time. Dd gets into work about 7.30am and doesn’t finish until after 7pm. Same goes for her dh.

They have no kids yet.

Aibu to offer to come in on a Friday and clean their house (for free) so they have the weekend to relax.

I am retired so have plenty of me time.

OP posts:
PrinceOfPies · 29/03/2019 20:44

You know nothing about my life. You know nothing about how busy I am.

V busy. V important. Grin

Maybe get off MN and put a wash on?

PurpleDaisies · 29/03/2019 20:45

Grow up.

countdowntonap · 29/03/2019 20:46

YES, Op. My MIL does this and I really appreciate coming home to a spotless house every Friday.

hen10 · 29/03/2019 20:46

Hang on - there's nothing sinister about this and it's no judgement on parenting, upbringing etc. It's just a parent who has time wanting to make life a little bit easier for their adult child. I am very lucky to have a parent who does this and I hope to pay it back to my kids. When did family stop helping each other out?

DeadDoorpost · 29/03/2019 20:48

If you were my DM I'd only accept if it was certain rooms. Like the bathroom coz I hate cleaning it. But then, my DM doesn't listen to me and does what she wants so it wouldn't be an option. She also buys me things I don't need or want, purely because she thinks I might like it.

PrinceOfPies · 29/03/2019 20:48

grow up

Says the person who can't waah their own cutlery...

helen650 · 29/03/2019 20:50

How lovely and kind!
If my mum offered me this, personally, I wouldn’t let her, only as I think she’s worked hard her whole life & her retirement shouldn’t include cleaning my toilets! But still I think it’s a lovely thing to offer.

OhTheRoses · 29/03/2019 20:50

DH goes to his ma's for a long weekend once a month. She waits on him hand and foot, including stirring his tea. They both enjoy the indulgence, I enjoy the bed to myself and smoked salmon. I tidy up v quickly just before he gets home.

A treat for us both Grin.

PrinceOfPies · 29/03/2019 20:50

I dont think its sinister hen10 but I think this would be a very different thread if the couple were rushed off their feet with 3 under 3.

Family should help each other out but I feel like that starts with not taking the piss with your mother in the first place.

hen10 · 29/03/2019 20:53

But how is accepting a kind offer taking the piss? - it's not like they've turned up at her house and asked OP to be their cleaner. Presumably OP is of sound mind and can can make her own decisions about what she wants to spend her time doing.

helen650 · 29/03/2019 20:55

I have 3 small children and still couldn’t let my mum clean my house. I’m not bothered by privacy or any of that. But why should my mum clean my house? I think it’s a bit degrading.

PurpleDaisies · 29/03/2019 20:55

I dont think its sinister hen10 but I think this would be a very different thread if the couple were rushed off their feet with 3 under 3.

Look at their working hours. They’re clearly very busy.

Pathetic that you can’t see people without children can also be busy.

DailyMailFail101 · 29/03/2019 20:57

My Mum comes about one morning a week to clean my home and I love it! I think it’s a lovely thing your offering.

BIWI · 29/03/2019 20:57

I would have snatched your hands off in gratitude for you offering to do this! (As long as you weren't snooping/kept your distance, etc, etc)

I think you're lovely to offer to do this.

PrinceOfPies · 29/03/2019 20:58

It is very easy to take advantage of someone's good naturdeness (word?)

But we all know that the op has better things to do with her time and it's perfectly possible for her and her dh to do it themselves.

Women put in a lot of free labour in this world and it shouldn't be abused.

hen10 · 29/03/2019 20:58

I have never thought of it as degrading - my mum comes and helps us - what's degrading about cleaning? It's just jobs that need doing - jobs that one of us would do if we were at home.

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld · 29/03/2019 20:58

Purple, calm down.

bridgetreilly · 29/03/2019 20:59

I live alone, work full time, and have a house that is MUCH messier and dirtier than my mother would like. Sometimes than I would like, tbh. When I could afford it I used to have a cleaner but now I don't.

My mother has occasionally offered to do some cleaning for me. I cannot think of anything I want less. There is so much judgment and passive-aggression with it. She has issues (and so do I, but different ones) and it would do nothing but harm to our relationship.

So, OP, I think it may be kind of you to offer, but you need to do it in a way that lets them say no if they want, without taking any offence. Because sometimes it's just cleaning and sometimes its cleaning along with a heap of other issues that are not worth it.

Smileymoon · 29/03/2019 20:59

They can say no thanks if it makes them uncomfortable. They'll probably be delighted. If they have talked about getting a cleaner they obviously don't mind someone poking round their house when it needs a clean.

PurpleDaisies · 29/03/2019 20:59

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld please don’t tell me what to post.

mrsstephens89 · 29/03/2019 21:00

What a lovely mum!

sandgrown · 29/03/2019 21:00

I looked after my grandsons for a few hours last weekend. DD had to leave early for a conference. Grandsons are not small so,while they were playing x box, I washed up, took out the recycling and hung out DD's washing . It never occurred to me that she might be offended ! (She wasn't )

Justheretogiveaviewfrommyworld · 29/03/2019 21:01

Ohtheroses, I'm sorry but your arrangement sounds really fucked up to me. Why does a grown man need to be 'indulged' by his mother? Bleuggh!

rwalker · 29/03/2019 21:01

I would offer but when you offer say you will clean kitchen, bathroom, lounge ,stairs and rest of upstairs is for them to do. Then you are helping but also respecting there privacy .

TeethingBabyHelp · 29/03/2019 21:02

God I would love that! Do you have any other children I could marry?