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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Helping your married dd

406 replies

MrsCasares · 29/03/2019 19:24

Just canvassing opinions as don’t want to be an interfering mum.

Dd and her dh both work full time. Dd gets into work about 7.30am and doesn’t finish until after 7pm. Same goes for her dh.

They have no kids yet.

Aibu to offer to come in on a Friday and clean their house (for free) so they have the weekend to relax.

I am retired so have plenty of me time.

OP posts:
ssd · 29/03/2019 19:52

What a kind thought

I'd say to her 'I'd like to help you out if I can, I'm free on Fridays and I'd be happy to pop round and do a bit of cleaning or ironing, save you both doing it at the weekend'

Hazlenutpie · 29/03/2019 19:53

I'd find something else to do with your well earned retirement.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 29/03/2019 19:53

Aww how lovely

ssd · 29/03/2019 19:54

Twolittlebears now that is the ultimate in help, I'd actually kill for that!!!

Kahlua4me · 29/03/2019 19:55

What an amazing mum you are! My mum used to help us whenever we needed it. And my friends mil does their ironing every week- friend takes it over on a Thursday and collects on the Sunday. Works really well.

Please do offer and then leave them to decide.

JaceLancs · 29/03/2019 19:56

I would have loved it!
My parents never helped with anything
DD cleans for me but I do pay her going rate
SIL helped out with cooking an occasional meal if I was ill or when DC were little as I was a lone parent - that was very much appreciated

Chickoletta · 29/03/2019 19:57

I understand your kind intentions but I would hate this and would probably also see the offer as an implied criticism.

amusedbush · 29/03/2019 20:00

My mum is an arsehole and I hate cleaning. Can you be my new mum, please? Grin

GreatDuckCookery · 29/03/2019 20:00

I understand your kind intentions but I would hate this and would probably also see the offer as an implied criticism

What even from your mum? MIL yes I can see why some wouldn’t like it but your mum has your back surely?

Myextensionisgivingmeaheadache · 29/03/2019 20:01

Such a lovely offer! 100% yes from me. Although definitely offer in a way that can’t be construed as ‘your house is a pit’ Wink

I’d definitely do this for mine when they’re older if I wasn’t a complete slattern.

OneDayillSleep · 29/03/2019 20:01

My mother in law offered to do this, I said absolutely no way. Obviously it’s a totally different thing mil vs mum, although I’d still say no to my mum. I found it would make my mil over involved and I couldn’t stand the thought of her finding private things she isn’t meant to see. It’s also quite rude and suggests you think they need help cleaning as their house is a mess.

Your daughter might love it though.

deste · 29/03/2019 20:02

My DD would accept me doing it. I look after her baby and her dog, I wash and iron her bedding. She washes her clothes but I dry them and fold them up. In fact cleaning is the only thing I don’t do for her. Did I mention was tired and of course I have my own house to look after.

littledoll33 · 29/03/2019 20:05

@MrsCasares

The world would be a better place with more people like you OP, and MOTHERS like you. What a sweetheart you sound. Flowers

I get that some people may think 'hmmm is this my mother hinting my house is mucky?!' but many people would love this. I mean, the fact they are looking for a cleaner suggests they would like the help. So yeah just ask if they would like your help. Maybe private message her via facebook or something, so she is not put 'on the spot' and has time to think of an excuse if she wants to say no...

I have a friend who looks after her daughter's little girl while she is at work, (a very busy professional job,) and she does her washing and ironing, and her shopping, and dusts and hoovers the house a few times a week. Her daughter says she is a GODSEND and makes her life so much easier. (My friend doesn't charge her daughter anything even though her daughter has offered. She says she loves to look after her grandaughter and is happy to tidy up and so on...)

MintyCedric · 29/03/2019 20:05

My mum used to do this for me. It was bloody marvellous!

Yabbers · 29/03/2019 20:05

It's a kind thought but I wouldn't want my mother up in my business cleaning my house and if she offered it would feel like an implied judgement
Because houses never need cleaning? How is it judging to offer to clean the house once a week?

OP, I’d take my mum up on an offer like that, in fact, I’d bite her hand off!

Skypatrol · 29/03/2019 20:10

I'd absolutely love it if my mum did this.

OxeyeDaisy · 29/03/2019 20:11

@MrsCasares both myself and my partner both work full time with long hours and recently my mum offered to help us. A couple of baskets of ironing one week another she popped in while we were at work and cleaned up for us.

She only did downstairs and didn’t go into our bedroom. But your right it was lovely to come home and it be done and relax.

Ask your daughter what she thinks and go from there

namechanger0064 · 29/03/2019 20:13

You sound so lovely. Echoed by all the people that want you to be their mum (I would too but I have a great mum too).

I would offer. Even if they turned you down it's such a lovely gesture and shows you care x

Pinkprincess1978 · 29/03/2019 20:13

I would love this! I know my Aunty has done this for her daughters and they appreciated it.

keepforgettingmyusername · 29/03/2019 20:16

I would offer if it's something you would like to do, but don't be hurt if it's a no. I could never accept that kind of help from my mum, it's just too much when I'm perfectly capable of cleaning my own house.

HollowTalk · 29/03/2019 20:17

It all depends on the relationship you have with your daughter and her husband.

It's a lovely thought.

countrygirl99 · 29/03/2019 20:19

I'm struggling , would you like my address?

Ithinkmycatisevil · 29/03/2019 20:21

Will you be my mum?

InfiniteCurve · 29/03/2019 20:21

I would offer but be prepared to be completely unbothered and never mention it again if she says no Smile
It's a lovely gesture!

OrangeCinnamon · 29/03/2019 20:21

My sister's MIL does this and she finds it a great help. I'm not sure myself if I'd like it but I get anxiety over too many other things than housework. Plus I like doing mindless cleaning sometimes .