Helping your married dd

[MrsCasares]

Just canvassing opinions as don’t want to be an interfering mum.

Dd and her dh both work full time. Dd gets into work about 7.30am and doesn’t finish until after 7pm. Same goes for her dh.

They have no kids yet.

Aibu to offer to come in on a Friday and clean their house (for free) so they have the weekend to relax.

I am retired so have plenty of me time.

That’s fine if you’re so well off you can afford them on your current finances, or you don’t mind ending up in a dump

Fret not. That isn’t going to happen.

Would you see your adult DD struggling then

I’d expect her DH to step up first but honestly unless one of them is seriously ill or something, I’d be astonished if my DD struggled with the basics of looking after herself.

My children were taught from an early age to clean and tidy up after themselves. They can all cook and they know how to load the washing machine. As parents, it’s part of our job to teach them independence.

It affects the children - they see that unpaid domestic drudge is what women do, and earning and palming off cooking and ironing onto women is what men do

Nope. They might see their granny helping their mum and dad out and caring for them while they’re at work.

Strange outlook you have there I have to say.

I’d expect her DH to step up

And what if she didn’t have a DH? Would you still sit back and see her struggling holding down a full time job with young dc?

FFS, people who go to work don’t make that much mess in the first place. Do they really need mummy to come in and clean up after them? For the love of god, these are perfectly healthy adults we’re talking about! What is wrong with you people?

Must be Buckingham Palace then because my parents’ care Home was the best in the county and it was half that.

There isn’t a best in the country - there are Care Home awards top 20 for large medium and small care homes providers, there’s the Which list. In the SE 50 grand a week doesn’t even you through the door of a decent care home.

I think a couple where both work needs to outsource some domestic labour, or else it ends up falling disproportionately on the female partner and she ends getting lumped with it long term as it increases with DC. It’s a good habit to budget for domestic help.

For the love of god, these are perfectly healthy adults we’re talking about! What is wrong with you people?

It’s truly bizarre.

Hmm see you ignored the comment about someone not having a DH.

There’s nothing wrong with me, thanks all the same. Just that I would and do offer a hand when I can see my adult DC struggling sometimes.

GreatDuckCookery

Helping as a one off or in difficult circumstances is one thing, but would you really go round once a week to clean the home of your healthy, non disabled, childfree son or daughter?

Still can’t get my head round this and racked brains know a lot of people and my mum has legions of friends none of them clean their kids houses. It’s such a weird concept I just don’t think it happens in reality

No I wouldn’t need to do that formerbabe as they cope pretty well on their own. There are times however when DS will be working away for a week and DIL could do with some extra support with the GC, I will do a pick up from nursery and unload the dishwasher, feed the pets and hoover the lounge for her, sometimes get the washing off the line and fold it that sort of thing.

It helps her out and I have lots of spare time so don’t begrudge it or feel out on. She helps me out in other ways so it’s give and take.

@Tatiana, you may wish to brush up your reading skills - I said county, not country.

She could be out earning money for her care home fees!

This has got to be a wind up.

I haven’t got my glasses on it’s true - but it’s irrelevant because there’s no best in the county either. The top 20 care home awards are divided into areas of the country. The top providers are places like Signature, Richmond Villages, Audley, Avery - their fees start at around 1275 per week irrespective of what county they are in.

Some of us rely on local knowledge and recommendations. In that context there is a best in county which doesn’t appear on your recommended list, despite a CQC top rating. £1275 a week is £66k a year, so you might want to brush up your maths as well.

Some of us rely on local knowledge and recommendations. In that context there is a best in county which doesn’t appear on your recommended list, despite a CQC top rating. £1275 a week is £66k a year, so you might want to brush up your maths as well.

So not best in the county, just one that’s popular with the locals.

My maths is fine. Richmond Villages starts at 1275, Avery, Barchester, Signature start at 1700 in & around London and the Signature my aunt is in is 2000 a week.

A recommendation is worth any amount of lists. The CQC rating doesn’t count presumably? After all they’re only the experts.

Not saying recommendations aren’t valid, but you made a claim that wasn’t substantiable. There are many places with CQC Very Good ratings and some with Outstanding. The CQC rating factors into the best Care Home lists anyway.

I work similar hours to your daughter and my mum does my cleaning but I pay her the going rate I would pay to a cleaner, it helps us both that way to avoid her feeling put upon or me expecting too much.

You will have to try and bite your tongue at times though, my mum has a habit of passing comment if this are looking untidy or we’ve not got round to DIY. Makes me regress to a stroppy teenager told off about a messy bedroom!!

OK. You win. Happy now?

I know my dd would love this but i live too far away. When i visit i take her a few home cooked meals for the freezer and she can't wait tomunpack my bag to see what i brought her. Make offer but do not be offended if they say no.

My mother does this. I love it. She still works full time too though :/

god yes. If you're worried about it being awkward (some people may not like you doing their washing / bedroom - not me!) then you could offer to do their ironing.. I'd be in heaven if this was me.