To be so incredibly worn down. I am not fun mum

[Wrappleschat82]

I have two dc. Ds is 10 and has ASD.
Dd is 3 and Does. Not. Stop.
She is up at 6am and does not go to sleep until gone 9pm. She dropped her nap at 12 months old and doesn’t seem to need much sleep. She’s just 3 and I cannot get her into the preschool nursery at my son’s school until September.
It is absolutely relentless. 7 days a week, 15 hours a day. I am so very tired - also my house is an absolute tip. Dd is gorgeous but she is always ‘on’. Like most 3 year olds I suppose, she isn’t super physically active like ds was but she wants someone to play with all the time, every second of the day. Trying to get things like ironing done is just impossible and I get no break in the evening because by the time she’s finally asleep and ds js in bed I’m ready for bed myself.
I just want some breathing space so badly. I’m really disappointed in the type of mother I am - I am not fun. I am tired and worn down and so so so bored. I am typing this in the bathroom but dd is sat the other side of the door shouting for me.

I love my dc but I have lost myself absolutely.

Sorry - it’s a moan really. I know it’ll pass. School is only really 18 months away and preschool will be good come September. It’s just really really hard work right now.

I'm reading this in my own bathroom having a sorry cry after having had a shit of a day.

I'm sorry I haven't got any words of uplifting wisdom, but I can hand you a bit of scrunched up toilet paper and offer sympathy. It is very hard sometimes.

If she qualifies for funded hours is there a childminder she can go to?

Do you have a partner?

This is hell and I totally get it. My DS is 6 and has ASD and my 1yo is powered ok rocket fuel.

Do you have much disposable income? What support do you have?

I wasn’t sure it was worth settling her somewhere for a term really - if I want to move her to the preschool in September. She’s only ever been with me so I think it might take her a while to settle.
I have a partner but he doesn’t do much with the kids. He works long hours, is away quite a bit and when he’s here he goes out a lot. He will be out all evening tonight and put all tomorrow. He will be around Sunday morning but that’s about it.

hazey yes it’s rubbish.

Don't feel bad OP

You are doing your best in what sound like quite challenging circumstances.
Getting any form of housework done with a 3 year old around is generally either impossible or pointless because as you are tidying one area, they are making a mess elsewhere!

You don't mention a husband/partner? Are you on your own with your children? If you do have a partner -where are they in this? They need to do their share of housework/childcare.

Do you have a friend/family member who could help you a bit with housework/take dd for a couple of hours to let you get on? Or can you find a local teenager who will play with dd for a while so you can do other things?

I hope things improve for you

Oh no. I say to my 3 year old that I am not playing for a little while because I am having a break. She made a massive fuss at first but she is slowly able to do more on her own. There's always tablets and dvds as well x

Sorry, cross posted about the partner.

Sounds awful and my DD was like that but has chilled out a little bit now (4)
Do you have a DH or if not, any family members to help?
Seconding about the childminder

Can I offer some solidarity with the the 3 year old? She sounds like she’s made from the same mould as my dd and my god, some days my head feels ready to explode from the constant narration and bossyness.

Could you consider a childminder for her for a couple of days? Mine can use the free hours because she’s ofsted registered and loves playing with the other children there. If she’s alone for a few hours between school pick ups she has another adults ears to talk off and undivided attention. Might be a useful contact to have in the future too.

Your partner needs to cut back on the going out. He is not pulling his weight at all

I haven’t any family able to help at the moment.

Dd doesn’t watch tv (I’ve tried, I’m not against the tv. I’d love it if she’d watch it) and will only play on the iPad for a few minutes. She wants to play, all day, every day. Taking her out somewhere is better but I can’t be out from 6am until 9.30pm and then when ds is home from school it’s even more draining.

Your 'partner' is your problem. He's not much of one if you're doing most of the donkey work. I bet he hasn't lost himself when Dc came along. He should be doing 50% of the weekend childcare. You're being made a mug of.

Why is your dh going out so much if he is already not at home very much. This is the problem.

Your dh should be doing a minimum of half a day at the weekends looking after dc so you can have a well earned adequate rest.

The reason you are burnt out is not dd (I have two just like this so I get what you are saying completely) but you are not having time to recharge. No one can carry on like this without a break.

He needs to be pref a Saturday to give you all time on a Sunday to unwind and do something as a family.

Why is he always out? Not on. His responsibilities start and finish at home.

My DD wouldnt really watch TV either she was known in our friendship group for being wired. It’s so draining. A few things which used to occupy her were messy play type things like kinetic sand, bicarbonate and vinegar which makes foam and Oobleck . I used to follow Imagination Tree. Would your DD like anything like that? At first my DD would only play for ten minutes but it’s a start. I also bought her her own knife set and she would cut veg. Again ten minutes but it’s enough for a cuppa. I also let her play with my sewing equipment and made rummaging trays

Oh man, that sounds exhausting! Could you maybe get a local enthusiastic teenager/student to come in and play with her for a couple of hours one or two days a week? While you hide away in another room?

Another thing I used to do to get half an hours peace was run a bubble bath and put food colouring in “pink bath!!!”
What does she enjoy playing with? Dolls?

Bubble bath for her I mean. So you can sit there and zone out while she splashed

Also, make your partner pull his weight!

Do you know anyone that you can meet up with? I find my 3 year old is much better when we are with friends. Any toddler groups you could go to? Also don't worry about ironing! None of mine napped past 14 months so I defo feel for you. Is there a way you could get her to bed earlier?

Your DD sounds like a typical toddler. Your partner, however, needs to start pulling his weight. If my partner was going out so much that everything fell to me, we'd be having some harsh words. Do not settle for this!

Dh won’t change now. I’m not under any illusions.

Dd will play for hours...with me. Small world play is her thing. She also likes sand and water quite a lot. She’s not that fussed about books or colouring or drawing, sadly. Or jigsaws, or building. You know, things she could do alone.
I read that you should start them off playing and then withdraw but I find that’s worse. If I start playing it’s very difficult to stop, she won’t carry on without me. She’s very chatty and has a great imagination but she’s also incredibly wearing. She patters through to my room in the morning and the first words out of her mouth are ‘will you play with me?’

What happens if you play with her solidly for a decent length of time, say an hour or so and then leave her to it?

Sunday am tell him the kids are his . Get some sleep then get on with the stuff you need to do .

Can you ifford to outsource something like ironing or cleaning?

While he is out all day he doesn’t get to do nothing.

Does he know you are struggling

She cries. Then she follows me around crying. Then she begs me to play.